..Of girls’s education and marrying off them early….

This post is purely fictional and bears no resemblence with any characters dead or alive..

 

Last day,somebody told me so and so…

 

A: Girls should be married off by the age of 18-19..

Me:Err,isn’t that too early ..

A:Early? not at all..Bcoz by 20+,they will start making their own choices and will have own opinions

Me :So?

A: So? So ,parents should marry off girls before they start having firm opinions and start making decisions for themselves

Me :But isn’t it their life? Moroever,when we marry off them too early,how can they complete their eductaion?How can they have their career?

A: Ha,what is the need for girls to have so much education.The role of women in a society to make a good family and bring up kids in a good way .

Me :Of course that too is important,but it amazes me that a 21st century human being is saying that girls needn’t have much education..

A:All this ‘men-women equality and stuff is bullshit. Women cannot be equal to men.

Me:I never said that they are equal..Both are different on their own ways,but that doens’t mean that they weigh different in the balance of nature

A:Let me tell you an eg. Last day,there was an accident nearby,when a lady bumped into a sccooter-wala and he died..The lady was admitted to mental hospital for weeks..Have you ever heard of a man being mentally unstable just because he met with an accident?you women are silly and emotionally weak ,and let me remind you,they are physically weak since ages..

Me :You are generalizing,thatz not fair..

A:Ok,let me tell you something.What if I sent my daughter to study medicine.Obviously,by the time she passes out,she will be 24 yrs and so,and she will not accept proposals from any men on a lower grade than doctors themselves.

Me :whatz wrong in that? Its fine that a Doctor is looking out for a Doctor..

A:Its ok with her,but not for me,as I have find Crores of money for her dowry.

Me :Look out for boys who don’t ask dowry.

A:Such people exist only in theory.In pracitise,all people ask for dowry,and when it comes to higher grade boys ,as like Doctors,they ask for loads of gold and money..So tell me,should I let my daughter become a doctor and finally spoil my life in the name of her dowry,or should i marry off her to an average man,at the age mentioned earlier,when she is not so firm in her choices and opinions..On another note,there is no need for lady doctors..

Me: **faints** What??”No need for lady doctors”..

A::Yes,tell me what is the problem if there are male doctors alone? Afterall women are weak enough not to enter areas like surgery and such complicated stuff..Tell me how many efficent female surgeons and anesthesists have you seen or heard?

Me: Well,are you saying that there needn’t be female gynecologists too?A:Thats the only area where women can empathize with fellow patients..But even in that field,there isn’t a compulsory need. Labour and Cecarian will be fine in men’s hands too

Me : **girns** not knowing what to say..

A: coming back to the topic,i still stand by what i said,” Girls needn’t study much and should be married off early”..

Me :Err,this is complicated..But it is wrong that you dump her into somebody’s head even when she is immature to undertstand right and wrong in life..Moreover,if she is educated,if some problee happens in marriage life,she can stand in her own,instead of running back and crying in front of parents.

A:You are wrong.In real time,it is the educated girls who come back to families,while the other end girls move on with their life,rather than shouting for divorce and such.

Me :So,in the end,it is your happiness and not your daughter’s happiness that matters.. Ok fine,marry off your girl at 18,so that she will always be unable to resist the injustice that may happen and let her be a door mat..**sigh**

A::You are wrong,good girls will find happiness where they go..

Me : I am glad I met you ..goodbye..

 

Moral of the story on’t argue with people who have pre-conceived notions..You will end up being labelled arrogant and outspoken…

p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they?

Uniform Civil Code -choosing between devil and deep blue sea.

The last post on Muslim Divorce laws have evoked lot of discussion of Uniform Civil Code..I haven’t done much reading on this,so I am yet to form my own opinion.Enacting UCC is easier said than done,but I have no idea how it is practical in a country of excessive plurality of religions.I think gender-equal and secualr concepts emulated into personal laws will be more acceptable and more fesible in our current state of nation-atleast,it may serve as a first step towards reform.Otherwise,we and our coming generation will die ranting UCC and nothing is going to happen.

While I do my reading,I would like to share an article that echo my current thoughts.

Why I Support The Uniform Civil Code

Author: Tariq Ansari

Publication: Outlook

Date: July 29, 2003

URL: http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20030729&fname=ucc&sid=1

The Supreme Court has once again set the cat amongst the pigeons on the matter of a Common Civil Code. Gloating and breast beating has commenced on all sides of the politico-social spectrum. As an Indian Muslim I would like very much to be heard….

 

The Supreme Court has once again set the cat amongst the pigeons on the matter of a Common Civil Code. Gloating and breast beating has commenced on all sides of the politico- social spectrum. As an Indian Muslim I would like very much to be heard.

 

Let’s get some ridiculous myths out of the way first:

 

Myth 1: All Muslims are opposed to a Common Civil Code.

 

Clearly, this is not the case. I am one who is not, as are many others.

 

Myth 2: The Muslim Personal Law gives Muslims some great benefits that are being withheld from non-Muslims.

 

Nothing can be further from the truth. The personal law only gives Muslims the right to be governed by Shariah principles in the personal matters of marriage, inheritance, property rights and religious observance. Commercial and criminal law is the same for all Indians.

 

So why do I support a common law for all Indians in civil matters? For four very good reasons.

 

First, there are at least six schools of jurisprudence among Muslims, four among Sunnis and two among Shias. The Indian Muslim Personal Law is a curious amalgam of principles from different schools, but most particularly the Hanafi branch of Sunni legal belief.

 

While most Indian Muslims are from this sect, our so-called Muslim Personal Law does not cover large numbers of Muslims, who prefer their own interpretation of Shariah law. Therefore, this is hardly in conformity with pure Koranic practice, as the more extreme elements among the Muslim clergy would have us believe.

 

Second, I believe the most important demand that Muslims should make in secular India is that we are treated equally. That we have equal rights and opportunities as all other Indians and that the State will afford us the same protection of our rights and property as it would Hindus. I do not believe Muslims can make that demand when at the same time we want to be treated differently in matters of personal law. This is an irreconcilable inconsistency.

 

Third, at least half of all Muslims are badly served by the Muslim Personal Law. Triple talaq, no rights to maintenance (thank you, Rajiv Gandhi!) and subordinate rights of inheritance are all examples of how my Muslim sisters labour under an unfair and, dare I say it, unIslamic set of regulations. I have a daughter and if she should want to marry a Muslim it will be under the Special Marriages Act, thank you very much.

 

And lastly, this ridiculous Muslim Personal Law is a convenient stick for Hindu communalists to beat Muslims with. Giving us the right to be governed by our own personal law gives them the right to claim that we are some kind of privileged minority with a suspect commitment to the Indian Republic. Take away the law and deprive Pravin Togadia of the stick.

 

However, I would also like to raise two very specific and critical qualifications to my support of the Supreme Court mention. We cannot move towards a Common Civil Code without absolute clarity on these matters:

 

One, understand and do something about the fundamental reasons why Indian Muslims cling to their own Personal Law. Deep within the psyche of the Mussalman is a fear of disenfranchisement, of complete loss of identity and marginalisation within Indian society.

 

Two, every time you burn homes in Gujarat, every time you treat Urdu as an alien tongue, every time a Muslim boy loses a job opportunity thanks to discrimination and every time Mr Togadia hints darkly at ‘the enemy within,’ you compound the siege mentality.

 

When everything is taken away, goes the ghetto belief, let us cling tightly to what we are. The Muslim Personal Law, sadly, has become one of the symbols of identity, an identity under threat.

 

A Common Civil Code must imply that ALL citizens are covered under the same laws on civil and commercial matters.

 

Let us dismantle at the same time, special privileges under the Hindu Undivided Family provisions as also any special laws governing the personal affairs of Christians, Parsis, Jains, Buddhists, and Sikhs as well as other groups like the Nairs of Kerala who follow the principles of matrilineal descent.

 

Do away not only with Muslim Personal Law but also other laws on the statute books that grant legal sanctity to unique practices of the diverse communities of India.

 

As an Indian Muslim I wholeheartedly support the idea of a Common Civil Code. It is a fair and equitable Directive Principle of the Constitution of India. Let us, however, understand this matter in its entirety, away from the hysterical jubilation and frantic wailing of communalists on both sides.

 

One people. One law.

 

Yes, for sure!

 

Tariq Ansari is Managing Director, Mid Day Multimedia,

Mumbai

Yes,Uniform Civil Code may require muslims to give away their religious rulings and idendity,but what else can do done in a nation where Personal Law Board members are not ready make any reform even after 60+ years.. (oh,I forgot to give them due credit.They are smart enough to reform Sharia so that men can divorce vis SMS,phone and email..Apart from these sexist reform,I haven’t heard of nay reform that would benefit women who are still at mercy of men )If muslims are bothered about giving away the freedom of religion,they better reform their gender-biased laws,or else may shut up and do as the state enacts Article 44 of Indian Constitution ( Article 44 provides that the State shall endeavor to secure for all citizens a uniform civil code throughout the territory of India.)

Do feminists ruin families?

Geee…My women’s day had a bad start,when today morning I read this report on TOI ,that ‘Women earn,but Men decide how to spend the money’.The article as such is not much surprising to me,as that is the way I have seen it around me,all my life..I have many working family members,but they hardly seemed to be spending on their own.Nevermind,that is not the focus of this post,as I am rather surprised and confused reading some comments in the discussion forum.Not sure if any copyright issues are involved,I am sharing some ‘cool’ thoughts here.. (those in blockquotes) and my thoughts on these comments.

Indian educated women are the worst among all women in India.I have seen majority of them don’t do much work at home as they are educated. They give frozen food or pasta to their husbands as they are educated and working. In India, the women want naukar for dishwashing, cooking plus a nanny and a car!! To be honest, educated guys should marry a uneducated, simple village girl as she is stronger, straightforward and will definitely cook delicious food. She also won’t have tantrums for wanting this or that.

 —Why is it that working women are associated with being less of a mother or a wife. I have heard husbands saying ‘I want to see my wife when I am back tired from work’. He says ‘ I am earning enough for all of us,so why do you want to make your choice a burden for the family-as a working woman can’t give ‘enough’ attention to husband ,kids and rest in the family.What is wrong in frozen pasta and having dishwaher and a naukar-chakar? I have once encountred a discussion in my personal life where the wife wishes to have a dishwaher in their new home,but husband says ‘You are not working and hence not bringing any money,so keep your luxury dreams to yourself’. :roll : No wonder why many women today want to find some solace in some random job and run out of the label of a housewife to a career woman..

 

Womans Liberation doesnot mean shame lessness . People like Raja Mohan Roy fought fought for rights and dignity of woman he never fought for giving them rights of indecency,,,they very rights of drinking whining and might which brought so much problems to woman themselves. There are few traditional woman who deserve to celebrate womans day . Woman who are mothers ,married and know what work life and tradition balance is .

 —Women liberation does not mean shamelessness’..Hmmm,where is it written so. Women libreation is all about equality and justice.And I am very glad that this man has no shame to brand himself shameless,by drawing parellels between men and women drinking. If it is a shame for women to drink,it would be the same with men too right? I am against drinking,both men and women,period.

 

I wonder if TOI thinks the freedom to go to pubs and right to spend is the empowerment of women. In Indian society, even an empowered woman understands, provided well educated, and leaves the decision to the counterpart as part of mutual cooperation. In the present article, it may be spelt clearly whether only finanicial freedom is the women empowerment.

 —-Ah,choosing between marriage and financial freedom.. It is very funny yet scary that men are so scared at women’s financial independence.Yes,financial independence is the first step towards empowerment.If you don’t have money,you have nothing and is no better than a slave,who has to request and is accountable for each and evey penny you spent,atleast in some families.It makes  a lot of difference in families,mostly middle calss ,where the husband would handover his salary to the wife and she would do all the spending.In otherwise cases,where she has to ask for money,every now and then,ah,it atmost irritating to me..Thatz just my opinion and i don’t judge others.. 

India had the first female PM. So what the heck are the women complaining about. All these western crap, is destroying the Indian way of life and family values. First right should be to the family and its values…why should tax payer fund all this western feminist Nazi propaganda..like NCW or likes of Minister for women , why is not there a Minister for Men?.

—I am sick of this generalization people make.’If APJ Kalam and SRK can make it big,why can’t all muslims become successful like them’..Wonder how a handful people represent million others?I don’t see any little difference,just because Pratibha Patil became the President.And above all,I hardly hear about her,except when,as a President,she hosts some parties for foreign officials..

 

Women have always been respected & given equal right in our society.Will a woman marry a man whose financial status she does not know? Will a woman marry a uneducated man & say I will bring up the man & his kids all on my income? Will the so called educated woman declare that by law she will not seek alimony? Till a woman can do the above there is nothing called liberation.A woman needs to liberate herself from her own mindset first.

—Will a man marry a woman whose family backgrounds he doesn’t know? Will a educated man marry an illiterate girl? Will a man stop crying about false double standards of moral policing ? I suggest you to reform yourself before you preach others..

 

Marriage (and for that reason family life as such) is all through an institution of accommodation, adjustment, trust and sharing. Imposition of individualistic traits and rigid compartmentalization of resources and decision-making run contrary to the basic rationale of family life and must not be espoused at least in Indian conditions.

—Marriage is not about enslaving each other,be it the man or the woman.What I  see around is one part,overpowering the other and imposing one’s interests on the other.I wonder why some men are so insecure of women having opinions and individulaitic charaters.If you can,why can’t we?

 

Ok,thatz it..There are more gems available,go pick yours from the TOI link.

 

Now, a comment of different strata..

 

This is not to mean that women are denied equality.By Nature, masculine species are protective.Being protective and caring does not mean denial of equality and liberty but rather a natural urge to take care of what one considers as one’s own.Sanatana Dharma enjoins that women are to be protected by Father,Husband and son.also man should eat food prepared by himself,his mother, sister,wife and daughter only.This shows the interdependence of sexes .This is the Natural Law.

 

Hmm,I have heard infinte muslims saying this-justice and fairness -rather than equality of sexes ,and I just knew that Hindus too are no behind them.

 

Now,a comment for you to answer..

 

This is one major reason why marriages last longer in India. If one has to decide weather she wants a longer married life or financial freedom, what would many choose for?

Is it not Ironic that such ladies get pissed if their husbands say something against them but happily obey the orders of several strangers at office and even happily listen whatever the crap they say?

Such women will consider it an attack on their freedom if they are asked to stay for a while in kitchen and serve the family but would happily serve hundreds of men in an airline by giving fake smiles. 
 

Whatcha say ??