Posts Tagged ‘ woman ’

Feminism Tag..but Am I a feminist?

Cris has passed me the Feminism tag..No particular rules,just to write on my views on the topic..Well,this is a complicated topic and I hope my rant will do some justice on its own..Do share your views..



Feminism had always been a hot ‘n’ hate word.. I have seen people around me mock at some women “Ah, she is a feminist ”..So basically, I was seasoned to think that being a feminist is a bad choice and that being a feminist means to hate men. Lately, after having granted the badge of being an ‘adult’, I notice that whenever I make some affirmative statements about controversial subjects on women, people say “Oh,so you are a feminist! ” So now ,I have learned that being a feminist means to care for women, and I have come out of my delusion that being a feminist is not a bad choice, but that, it is a responsibility of every single women..



Feminism in itself is a broad topic, which includes various movements, theories and philosophies.. My small brain can’t process lot of theories at the present moment, so I’ll restrict myself to the small world I see around me..


To me, life is not about equality, but about Justice and Fairness.. I don’t think and I don’t want to become like a man..By wearing a jeans or by cutting my hair short, won’t make me ‘equal’.. What I want is justice and fairness in opportunities. I find it odd sometimes that we women want equality of pay,but still we want 3 years maternity leave..I am still to find a woman who can move the same number of bricks as a man in a definite period of time.. Men and women are different from each other and instead of outdoing each other, I think we should compliment each other..




Let me see what are those things that I care for and will it make me a feminist..



It is a strange fact that in India, we worship women as Goddess, but at the same time, treat them as slaves, with mere property value..The moment a baby is conceived in the womb, it is tagged a value. A baby boy  is tagged more worthy that  a baby girl. So,we have enough and more reasons to kill it inside the womb itself so that the baby doesn’t suffer once she arrives in this world..How easy solution!! More than men,I feel women are their own enemies..It is the mother, the mother in law and gang who hates to have a girl as their grand child. .Everybody wants a boy..Oh well, I have already ranted about it and the evil feminist in me prays that all those people would cry loud in their life once when their holy son don’t get a bride to marry,as to preserve their holy tradition.. I still haven’t got any logical solutions as how to dumb off the excess 3.5 crore surplus men in India..



If talking against this female infanticide is feminism, yes I am a feminist..




What sense does it make of me to rant on female infanticide,when the basic system of marriage itself is a messed up one..We are so obsessed with the idea of marrying a whole family, instead of marrying a guy we love..Urban societies count only to a small percentage ,and among the majority ,love marriage is still a taboo and shame..There is nothing wrong in arranged marriages, provided both parties, hell not the both families, but the guy and gal, are happy about it. .But what is the absolute percentage difference between forced and arranged marriages.. Few days back,my cousin brother put off his engagement.. Marriage proposal from a known girl’s family had been forwarded through relatives and he was pressurized by his family to agree upon the relationship.. True, nobody forced him verbally ,but the mental pressure was there..They got engaged and since then, he was all gloomy.Finally, last day he told his parents that he wants to give up the relationship as he can’t find any wavelength similarities between him and the girl..The girl was aboslutley a good one..Just that characters don’t macth,for him being an introvert and her,a social one..At the end of the day, though it was mess and shame to beak an engagement,I find it good as it would have been a disaster if they got married.. Breaking an engagement is more better than a divorce.. But remember that, in this case,the rejecting party was the boy..I wonder how much the same is feasible from a girl’s side.. Few days later ,everybody is glad that the boy made his choice..But if it was a girl,I am sure she was to be labeled a outcast,anti-cultural bla bla bla girl..Do you have a doubt? Why is it that girl’s choice/opinion is less worthy than a man’s freedom of choice?



If talking against this oppression of freedom of choice for girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..


Not to speak of those girls who are seen as doomed ones and a shame for parents ,simply because they haven’t got married before 25 years ..No matter how much one sugarifies it,a married off girl is seen as a burden moving away..Some parents coat sugar on it saying burden of ‘responsibility’.. uh..I wonder why can’t people expect women to remain unmarried, if they choose to. Agreed that a woman is made to be  a mother, but what is an individual doesn’t like it.. Why is it that simply for the sake of society ,one is made to let go her freedom of choice.A divorcee is labeled a woman who is not good enough to ‘adjust’ and move on with life.. An unmarried women is stereotyped as a women with love-faliure or with uterus disorders..Gosh..Many among us need to get a life seriously..



If talking against this stereotyping of unmarried or divorced women is feminism,yes I am a feminist..




Having agreed upon marriage , may it be arranged, or love or forced, then comes the next tag, DOWRY..It is the mother in laws who are mostly greedy about dowry..I wonder why are they so obsessed about it..I have not seen any MIL using dowry for her sake,but still she wants lot of dowry for her son..Maybe , she wants to feel proud and gossip among family circle, for having paid so much for her valuable holy son..I have heard MIL’s saying “We don’t want money..But what will we say when relatives ask on how much money and gold daughter in law brought home..So if you don’t want your daughter to feel belittled, give as much as possible during marriage itself.”..Hell,don’t tell me this happened in stone ages, no it happened a month ago..I wonder why men are still not ashamed to take money from a stranger girl’s father’s pocket as to build a life for their own..I feel bad and odd for those parents who feel that without dowry,their daughter is a piece of crap. I have heard men saying “There is no problem in taking dowry, afterall,we look after your daughter for a lifeitime”.. Uh,is that a privilege???? Women cook,do laundry,do housekeeping, give you physical pleasure, give you babies, take care of your babies and your parents ,does everything without grumbling ,but with happiness and you are pricing her for all these works? If you ,(not all but some men) are so bothered about the money you spent on your wife, just take it as a salary for all the work she does..I wonder why life is all about money to some people..I need my husband,he needs me..We compliment each other..It is when we take each other for granted,that we find the other ,a burden..So,my humble request to those men who say that wife is a burden,please don’t get married..Nobody is forcing you..Indian women have enough men to choose from..Please don’t marry them for the sake of dowry and burn them later..Let them  live a life..



If talking against this burden-isation of girls is feminism, yes I am a feminist..



I was reading about literacy rates among women .According to 2001 census,female literacy rate in India is 54.16%..Much lower than male literacy rate.Many reasons are accounted for the low rate of education among females..


  • Gender based inequality.
  • Social discrimination and economic exploitation.
  • Occupation of girl child in domestic chores.
  • Low enrolment of girls in schools.
  • Low retention rate and high dropout rate



If talking against this discrimination to these girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..



Even if a girl is educated and is employed,in practical sense, I have seen very less financial freedom,if that is what is indented by empowerment through employment. I have personally seen women give the whole of their salary to husband and in rare cases,mother in law..I have no clue why they do so..i don’t mean that women needn’t spent on family.Of course they should share,and here again earning members compliment each other..But in case where husband thinks that wife’s money is his right and can be spent in whatever way he wishes to,I think that unfair and injustice to the woman involves..Not to talk of those men who think that even if the  wife is working,it is her sole duty to manage house and kids and that entering the kitchen is a shame or attack on manhood..



If talking against this restriction in financial freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..




In the arena of politics,I understand that except in Parliament, women have 3% reservation in seats..But what is the rate of women who exercise this right EFFICENTLY and EFFECTIVELY? I have seen many Panchayat members, females acting as dummies for their huband. He is puling strings and she is just acting like a puppet. So, what is the whole intention of political empowerment all about?



If talking against this mockery of political freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..




Religiously and spiritually speaking, I wonder why God is more obsessed with men, though it is women who prays more and does rituals for His sake. Women can’t enter some temples and many mosques.. They can’t perform rituals..Arabs and other muslims don’t believe me when I say that women are not allowed to pray in mosques in majority places in India..They never heard of such a thing..Its just some holy men here who want to keep women out of as much places as possible..Let people decide themselves whether they want to enter the temple or masjid..Why do we want to act moral policie even within the premises of God’s house..



If talking against this moral policing of religious freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..



Gosh,this is such a long post..I hope atleast a few people will read it in complete.. What we need is freedom from ourselves and the first step is to be financially independent and then from cultural restrictions..Culture in itself is beautiful,it makes life worthwhile and personalized ..But some stone age aspects as like ‘womanhood is in housekeeping and child bearing” and that ‘working woman is not a complete women as she pays less attention to family and house’ ,’boy is more holier than girl’ etc etc etc are simply stereotypes and its high time we get rid of all those things..




These are my thoughts on feminism..With this post,I will be taking a break from the world of blogging..Life is taking a turn and we are not very sure of which road we are heading upon..I hope everything ends up well soon and do include me in your prayers..I thank all of you for your kind and generous support and encouragement..I have learned lot and I have met some great people through my e-life..I don’t know how have you perceived my thoughts,but I never meant to be communal or biased..My apologies for all those hurtful words I said.I wish you all happiness and success in life..Good day..Peace.

How important is it for you,to remain faithful in your marriage?

In a progressive step with far-reaching implications, the state cabinet on Wednesday gave its green signal to amend Section 125 of Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC) which seeks to protect the pecuniary interests of the ‘other woman’. However, it would need the Centre’s stamp of approval to become a law.


According to the amendment proposed by Maharashtra, the definition of the word ‘wife’ under Section 125 needs to be changed to include a woman who was living with a man like his wife for a reasonably long period. This amendment would cover the interests of women involved in polygamous or live-in relationships, say officials. The only catch is that the state has not specified the term ‘reasonably long period’ that a woman needs to stay with a man to be called his wife.

I was wondering whether to laugh or to feel bad about this.I am not trying to overlook the  fact that the law may benefit some ‘other-woman’,’other-man’ or whatever you call it..But on a broader sense,does it sending a message that “It is ok to cheat your spouse”..bcoz afterall it is supported by law and there is nothing technically wrong in having an extra marital affair..Is this what the head of an organized society ought to look upto?


We are busy making progressive steps so that we too are named “developed country”..I am not trying to make a mess out of a small thing.I just realize i am an oldie conservative person,because almost all comments in the related article appluad the progressive step..I pray I remain an oldie all my life,because I cannot see my man cheating me..If spouses are bored of each other,why don’t they simply walk out and have a progressive life seperately.Why try to make the web more entanlged?Are you telling me that people compromise for the sake of kids..uh..I don’t agree.Kids today are tomorrow’s adults and they can see things for themselves unless they are deaf dumb and blind..Ployagmy,bigamy other-gamy whatever the hell it is,please stop it and I guess unlike the government who wants to be progressive,we must set standards and not end up in a society where high school going girls are ‘proudly’ pregnant and moms finds condoms on their 13 yr old kids school bags..



Yet another progressive step…

“Union Home Minister Shivraj Patil should be more progressive,” Health Minister A Ramadoss said on Tuesday, while referring to his Cabinet colleague’s stand against legalizing homosexuality.“I will ask for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s intervention once he returns to India,” Ramadoss said. “World over, people are accepting homosexuality. The home minister should be a lot more sensitive. How can we control physiological feelings of people,” he added.




By being progressive regarding gay rights,I guess they refer to lesbian rights too..Afterll,why should women alone remain unprogressive..and in all,let us have a progressive society where father-son,father-grandson,father-son in law and mother-daughter ,mother-grand daughter etc etc etc have progressive relationships ..



Aaah..Sorry for overreacting and spoiling your time for having read my rant..I am just feeling bad about it..




Newspapers have lot of tips on how to deal with extramarital affairs and there is no more good way they can help their stressed readers..Initially I thought of linking to them as to point out their bad message..Then I stopped myself as I don’t want to inspire any reader :roll:

Is this what Islamic polygamy is all about?

Can a poor Muslim man practice polyamy? Well, that isn’t a million dollar question. But looking around, I see that it is mainly poor people (especially from third world countries) who are into these types of relationships. I don’t mind how people choose to live, because it is their business, and not mine, as to dictate how they should live. But I hate it when they take the name of religion to justify what they do. Many Muslims shout at the top of their voice,” It’s my right to marry 4 wives”. Is that how Islam talks about polygamy? Marry 4 women, and move around producing tons of kids…Hell NO, This is not the essence of polygamy in Islam. [Having said this doesn't imply that rich people can practice polygamy as they like.


Polygamy has been thought of a way of undermining woman's emotions and identity, and it is ranked among the discrimination of human rights under Gender discrimination by most women organizations. But, polygamy surprisingly is practice by educated people, even high ranking officials in some of these third world countries. So uprooting such a cultural moral issue will take time, and more civil human rights bills to be passed internationally. Women have fallen victim of the man's demands and have given in to the practice, fearing divorce, which is considered a weakness if a woman leaves the marriage on her own.


One would have expected that polygamous men should be financially stable and be able to cater for the needs of his wives and children but this notion has since changed as there are several reasons being attributed to polygamy. A local and typical African man may be polygamous so as to acquire more wealth through the use of his numerous wives and kids on his farms hence the more proceeds from the farm produce sold the more the man acquire wealth. Further researches conducted into why men of third world countries marry more than 1 wife is to boost their ego. In a typical local and traditional African setting for instance, more respect is given to men who have many wives and many children, they are respected for being very agile and virile and such men are considered as stronger than those who have just 1 wife.


When asked about stance on polygamy, amazingly, many Muslims (men and women too!) claim that "men have extra desires which a single woman alone can't satisfy”. Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn't find any biologically and scientifically evidence for this argument.Secondly, they argue that if the woman is ill or barren, it is better to take another wife, than committing forcination...Sadly, I have seen that for some people (both men and women) marriage is more of physical attahment than the emotional attachment it ought to be...I see marriage as a life long institution where man and woman share love,compassion,trust and many more virtues.Agreed that the urge for love making is natural.But we aren't animals with no self-control.If a muslims justify taking more and more wives 'for fear of committing forcination' I must sadly say that you should not have issues with non-muslims who don't have the RIGHT for polygamy,moving around and do all rapes and harassments,simply becasue they(men) can't get satisfied by one wife. Where are we going?


A widely popular argument in favor of polygamy is that 'there are more women than men"(Dr Zakir Naik is the main propagator of this argument) from my research, I find that in most societies (as of 2007), men are in excess.See link. Another argument for polygamy is that rather than let women lead sinful life it is better that one takes them as co-wives. It is not correct to say that prostitution is because of more women in society than men. Prostitution happens because of several other reasons like uneven distribution of wealth, migration of men to other countries or to urban areas in search of livelihood and extreme poverty in women's families, loose morals and many more. By practicing poygamy, I don't think we can eradicate, because it is a problem of different dimension.


 The Qur'an And Polygamy


Islam has emphasized that one can take a co-wife only if he satisfies the material and moral requirements. Preservation of cordiality, stability, and purity in the family life can be seen clearly in the Quranic doctrines as well as in the tradition of the prophet (pbuh).


Allah Almighty states in the Qur'an what means,


  • Marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one] (An-Nisaa’ 4:3)



The most common interpretation of this Qur’anic verse is that despite the clear indication that a man has the right to marry up to four wives; equity is a condition that has to be established. However, since equity is a condition that is almost impossible to achieve, the supposed polygamous right is obsolete. Indeed, polygamy is very restricted in the Quran, and it is the abuse of this supposed right by many men in different societies that gave it its bad reputation.



I am not discussing the verses as there are many online resources available in that regard. The main conditions related are 


  • First wife should not have an objection. One can’t ring the door bell and tell his wife”Hai honey, here is my new honey”
  •  Equal treatment for all wives. It is implied that he provided houses of equal status, and provide all material and moral needs.
  •  Finally, one should not take more than 4 wives. (This is most understood when read under the context of history or social conditions prevailing during the time when Quran was revealed)


I never think that Allah went wrong by allowing polygamy. Again in war times, when tens of thousands of men die leaving widows and orphans unattended, there is always a need of polygamy to help those ladies and save the whole society from a state of moral chaos, which would result from all these numbers of single women. But social and economical conditions vary from what it was then what it is now. Women should be given education and thus choice to live the way they wish to. It is not that men have RIGHT for polygamy. At the end of the day, no one can claim to own absolute truth or wisdom, and Allah Almighty will judge each human being (with mercy of course) based on their intentions and actions.



·        Polygamy is practiced in many societies and not among Muslims alone as it is usually perceived.

·       Polygamy in itself is not bad, but its abuse is worse. 



Read more

 Wife must first agree to polygamy, Indonesia court.









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