How do I control my anger before it controls me..

I had always been an angry young lady..But I never(aleast in most cases) expressed it ,other than shutting myself in my room..But these days knowingly or unknowingly,I am reacting,and I don’t like the way it is..How do I tame myself because I am very much aware that words spoken and actions done cannot be taken back..

I may feel angry at a specific person,I may feel angry at some situation happened, I may be feeling angry simply by imagining events that may happen in near future or recalling events that happened in the past..As goes the proverb ‘An idle brain is a devil’s workshop’,I guess I have become more bad since when I started sitting simply at home..’Sitting simply’ doesn’t mean that all my laundry,cooking and housekeeping is done by robots..I do all those stuff,and I have hardly any time at hand and still I feel I am ‘sitting simply’ and that thought makes me angry again..So,there is no reason,except a few hundred ones,that makes me angry..

Expressing anger is very easy..Earlier,it used to be protesting by not studying ,but reading comic books,hidden between text books,and I used to feel content that I protested and won against my mom who ask me to study..Times changed,and I expressed my anger by shutting myslef in my room and listening to music loudly ,when my family asked me to eat good food;again I felt content that the loud noice is a way out from others vocal sounds..Time changed and I started expressing anger by crying..Lots and lots of tears ending up in a local pool..Again,tear glands got bored and isn’t producing any more..Now I see myself behaving baddy by throwing spoons and my baby’s building blocks against wall,whenever I am angry..Eeewww..Why am I behaving like a lady in fish market..I don’t it every now and then..But then again,the interval is being narrowed down day by day..

Suppressing anger is not the way out..

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

So,what do I do??

I think I need to gain more spiritual strength..I need to pray regularly..Maybe I need some yoga..

Getting angry doesn’t make things alright,rather it worses matters..and I feel I sholuldn’t have done or said all that happened.When in an angry state of emotion,I jump into conlcusions,which may turn wrong later.I am more of a crappy person now,than I had been earlier..and this thought makes me angry again..

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    • Milind Kher
    • September 27th, 2008

    Most of the complications of life, as well as the mistakes and regrets come about because people are unable to control their anger.

    I have also faced a lot of problems on account of anger management. However, I have now decided that it is JUST NOT WORTH IT to get angry.

    In fact, the most pleasing gulp in the sight of God that his servant can swallow is that of anger..

  1. Personally, I feel calm when I pray. But different things work for different people, some meditate, some work out an hour at the gym, yoga etc etc..find out what works best for you. You might already know it.

  2. Hey Nimmy,
    Only thing that works for me is doing something about whatever is making me angry.
    Make a list of whatever annoys you. Write down if it is worth being angry, if it is then prioritize and act.
    You could even write a blog post, but don’t publish it in a hurry.
    Writing my cribs really helps me.
    If you have a reliable friend/ a sister/mom talk to them.
    Isn’t this blog a real blessing?

    A friend and I used to write journals which we used to exchange and read…reading positive blogs is a good idea.

    Also you could make a FEEL GOOD LIST, to cheer you up when you are unhappy. This list should have everything that makes you happy, all your blessings. Healthy kids. you are educated, have a blog, CAN THINK, are not complacent, are intelligent enough to feel anger and to wish to do something about it 🙂

    Exercising or dancing can be good if you just wish to throw something…
    but also think, WHY are you so angry?
    If it is justifiable anger then you will feel better when the cause for this anger is no longer there…till then,
    Hugs, IHM

    • Milind Kher
    • September 27th, 2008

    Read DESTRUCTIVE EMOTIONS by Daniel Goleman. It will offer you a brilliant insight into anger and how to deal with it.

    If anger can be channelized to express itself as a positive energy, a lot of good can result

    • Nimmy
    • September 27th, 2008

    @Mlind,thanks for the advice ..I hope to channelize my anger in a better way 🙂

    @IHM..Your words are soothing as from an elder sister..Thanks ..((hugs)))

    @Priyanka..yeah..i too think so..MAybe i just need to realize what is it that makes me feel right..Thanks for dropping..Hope your baby is fine..

  3. Nimmy,
    Anger as you rightly said does not solve problems, it only complicates it.
    Age and maturity can of course help in controlling it.
    You have taken the first step which is understanding this as your weakness. Keep trying and you will succeed.
    Cheers,
    Salil

    • Nimmy
    • September 28th, 2008

    Salil,thanks 🙂 …Yeah I hope I can conquer my anger the very next time…lol..

  4. They say breathing exercises help. I am not sure. I believe, and from experience, only you can help yourself. If you dont want to be angry, you have to make yourself consciously aware of it – take the effort for a while and then gradually it becomes a habit, a trait. Its easy Nims, been there done that so know. Hang in there 🙂

  5. And then sometimes anger seems justified, none of us are divine enough to talk authoratively about what is good and bad. So am not sure if it is a good thing, but sometimes cant help feeling that. Feeling angry is natural, but I would say stay away from hurting anyone by trying to express it. Keep your anger to yourself, express it in ways that harm no one and relieve yourself of it. It is quite possible dear. No sweat.

    • Nimmy
    • October 1st, 2008

    Cris..

    but I would say stay away from hurting anyone by trying to express it.

    indeed true..Its to be taken care of..Thanks..((hugs)))) 🙂

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