Feminism Tag..but Am I a feminist?

Cris has passed me the Feminism tag..No particular rules,just to write on my views on the topic..Well,this is a complicated topic and I hope my rant will do some justice on its own..Do share your views..

 

 

Feminism had always been a hot ‘n’ hate word.. I have seen people around me mock at some women “Ah, she is a feminist ”..So basically, I was seasoned to think that being a feminist is a bad choice and that being a feminist means to hate men. Lately, after having granted the badge of being an ‘adult’, I notice that whenever I make some affirmative statements about controversial subjects on women, people say “Oh,so you are a feminist! ” So now ,I have learned that being a feminist means to care for women, and I have come out of my delusion that being a feminist is not a bad choice, but that, it is a responsibility of every single women..

 

 

Feminism in itself is a broad topic, which includes various movements, theories and philosophies.. My small brain can’t process lot of theories at the present moment, so I’ll restrict myself to the small world I see around me..

 

To me, life is not about equality, but about Justice and Fairness.. I don’t think and I don’t want to become like a man..By wearing a jeans or by cutting my hair short, won’t make me ‘equal’.. What I want is justice and fairness in opportunities. I find it odd sometimes that we women want equality of pay,but still we want 3 years maternity leave..I am still to find a woman who can move the same number of bricks as a man in a definite period of time.. Men and women are different from each other and instead of outdoing each other, I think we should compliment each other..

 

 

 

Let me see what are those things that I care for and will it make me a feminist..

 

 

It is a strange fact that in India, we worship women as Goddess, but at the same time, treat them as slaves, with mere property value..The moment a baby is conceived in the womb, it is tagged a value. A baby boy  is tagged more worthy that  a baby girl. So,we have enough and more reasons to kill it inside the womb itself so that the baby doesn’t suffer once she arrives in this world..How easy solution!! More than men,I feel women are their own enemies..It is the mother, the mother in law and gang who hates to have a girl as their grand child. .Everybody wants a boy..Oh well, I have already ranted about it and the evil feminist in me prays that all those people would cry loud in their life once when their holy son don’t get a bride to marry,as to preserve their holy tradition.. I still haven’t got any logical solutions as how to dumb off the excess 3.5 crore surplus men in India..

 

 

If talking against this female infanticide is feminism, yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

What sense does it make of me to rant on female infanticide,when the basic system of marriage itself is a messed up one..We are so obsessed with the idea of marrying a whole family, instead of marrying a guy we love..Urban societies count only to a small percentage ,and among the majority ,love marriage is still a taboo and shame..There is nothing wrong in arranged marriages, provided both parties, hell not the both families, but the guy and gal, are happy about it. .But what is the absolute percentage difference between forced and arranged marriages.. Few days back,my cousin brother put off his engagement.. Marriage proposal from a known girl’s family had been forwarded through relatives and he was pressurized by his family to agree upon the relationship.. True, nobody forced him verbally ,but the mental pressure was there..They got engaged and since then, he was all gloomy.Finally, last day he told his parents that he wants to give up the relationship as he can’t find any wavelength similarities between him and the girl..The girl was aboslutley a good one..Just that characters don’t macth,for him being an introvert and her,a social one..At the end of the day, though it was mess and shame to beak an engagement,I find it good as it would have been a disaster if they got married.. Breaking an engagement is more better than a divorce.. But remember that, in this case,the rejecting party was the boy..I wonder how much the same is feasible from a girl’s side.. Few days later ,everybody is glad that the boy made his choice..But if it was a girl,I am sure she was to be labeled a outcast,anti-cultural bla bla bla girl..Do you have a doubt? Why is it that girl’s choice/opinion is less worthy than a man’s freedom of choice?

 

 

If talking against this oppression of freedom of choice for girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

Not to speak of those girls who are seen as doomed ones and a shame for parents ,simply because they haven’t got married before 25 years ..No matter how much one sugarifies it,a married off girl is seen as a burden moving away..Some parents coat sugar on it saying burden of ‘responsibility’.. uh..I wonder why can’t people expect women to remain unmarried, if they choose to. Agreed that a woman is made to be  a mother, but what is an individual doesn’t like it.. Why is it that simply for the sake of society ,one is made to let go her freedom of choice.A divorcee is labeled a woman who is not good enough to ‘adjust’ and move on with life.. An unmarried women is stereotyped as a women with love-faliure or with uterus disorders..Gosh..Many among us need to get a life seriously..

 

 

If talking against this stereotyping of unmarried or divorced women is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

Having agreed upon marriage , may it be arranged, or love or forced, then comes the next tag, DOWRY..It is the mother in laws who are mostly greedy about dowry..I wonder why are they so obsessed about it..I have not seen any MIL using dowry for her sake,but still she wants lot of dowry for her son..Maybe , she wants to feel proud and gossip among family circle, for having paid so much for her valuable holy son..I have heard MIL’s saying “We don’t want money..But what will we say when relatives ask on how much money and gold daughter in law brought home..So if you don’t want your daughter to feel belittled, give as much as possible during marriage itself.”..Hell,don’t tell me this happened in stone ages, no it happened a month ago..I wonder why men are still not ashamed to take money from a stranger girl’s father’s pocket as to build a life for their own..I feel bad and odd for those parents who feel that without dowry,their daughter is a piece of crap. I have heard men saying “There is no problem in taking dowry, afterall,we look after your daughter for a lifeitime”.. Uh,is that a privilege???? Women cook,do laundry,do housekeeping, give you physical pleasure, give you babies, take care of your babies and your parents ,does everything without grumbling ,but with happiness and you are pricing her for all these works? If you ,(not all but some men) are so bothered about the money you spent on your wife, just take it as a salary for all the work she does..I wonder why life is all about money to some people..I need my husband,he needs me..We compliment each other..It is when we take each other for granted,that we find the other ,a burden..So,my humble request to those men who say that wife is a burden,please don’t get married..Nobody is forcing you..Indian women have enough men to choose from..Please don’t marry them for the sake of dowry and burn them later..Let them  live a life..

 

 

If talking against this burden-isation of girls is feminism, yes I am a feminist..

 

 

I was reading about literacy rates among women .According to 2001 census,female literacy rate in India is 54.16%..Much lower than male literacy rate.Many reasons are accounted for the low rate of education among females..

 

  • Gender based inequality.
  • Social discrimination and economic exploitation.
  • Occupation of girl child in domestic chores.
  • Low enrolment of girls in schools.
  • Low retention rate and high dropout rate

 

 

If talking against this discrimination to these girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

Even if a girl is educated and is employed,in practical sense, I have seen very less financial freedom,if that is what is indented by empowerment through employment. I have personally seen women give the whole of their salary to husband and in rare cases,mother in law..I have no clue why they do so..i don’t mean that women needn’t spent on family.Of course they should share,and here again earning members compliment each other..But in case where husband thinks that wife’s money is his right and can be spent in whatever way he wishes to,I think that unfair and injustice to the woman involves..Not to talk of those men who think that even if the  wife is working,it is her sole duty to manage house and kids and that entering the kitchen is a shame or attack on manhood..

 

 

If talking against this restriction in financial freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

In the arena of politics,I understand that except in Parliament, women have 3% reservation in seats..But what is the rate of women who exercise this right EFFICENTLY and EFFECTIVELY? I have seen many Panchayat members, females acting as dummies for their huband. He is puling strings and she is just acting like a puppet. So, what is the whole intention of political empowerment all about?

 

 

If talking against this mockery of political freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

Religiously and spiritually speaking, I wonder why God is more obsessed with men, though it is women who prays more and does rituals for His sake. Women can’t enter some temples and many mosques.. They can’t perform rituals..Arabs and other muslims don’t believe me when I say that women are not allowed to pray in mosques in majority places in India..They never heard of such a thing..Its just some holy men here who want to keep women out of as much places as possible..Let people decide themselves whether they want to enter the temple or masjid..Why do we want to act moral policie even within the premises of God’s house..

 

 

If talking against this moral policing of religious freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

Gosh,this is such a long post..I hope atleast a few people will read it in complete.. What we need is freedom from ourselves and the first step is to be financially independent and then from cultural restrictions..Culture in itself is beautiful,it makes life worthwhile and personalized ..But some stone age aspects as like ‘womanhood is in housekeeping and child bearing” and that ‘working woman is not a complete women as she pays less attention to family and house’ ,’boy is more holier than girl’ etc etc etc are simply stereotypes and its high time we get rid of all those things..

 

 

 

These are my thoughts on feminism..With this post,I will be taking a break from the world of blogging..Life is taking a turn and we are not very sure of which road we are heading upon..I hope everything ends up well soon and do include me in your prayers..I thank all of you for your kind and generous support and encouragement..I have learned lot and I have met some great people through my e-life..I don’t know how have you perceived my thoughts,but I never meant to be communal or biased..My apologies for all those hurtful words I said.I wish you all happiness and success in life..Good day..Peace.

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  1. BRAVO ! You should be a feminist . Every woman with even an iota of self-respect should be one . Till the day the reasons which gave rise to feminism are not there . You know my views on the skewed sex-ratio of India . I will rant a bit about dowry . How insanely pathetic is a system in which the parents who raised their daughter for so many years, and are now parting from her, have to actually “pay” some jackass for this separation . And the better off the groom is , the more he charges . If you already are well off then why the hell are you robbing your in-laws ? And have you ever wondered what is the male equivalent of the word “slut” ? That is another reason to be a feminist . If a feminist is one who is for everything you wrote above, I guess I would be one, unabashedly !

    I hope I will see you soon on the blogosphere . I enjoyed your blog immensely . My best wishes to you and your family .

    🙂 thanks for your words Kislay..Good day -Nimmy

  2. O NOes! Terrible news for us, that you will be gone. But Good Luck to you in whatever happens in your life. May you do well and come back soon to brighten up our lives once again as you have done. Best wishes for your future.


    🙂 Watercat,that was too good words for me..Thansk..I feel so good..lol..Good day and good luck to you too -Nimmy

  3. Ahh I am glad I am one of those who read the emtire post 🙂

    Your narration is simply superb, loved the way you did it.

    I disagree with you on a couple of points, but as you are taking a break, I do not want to start an argument 🙂

    Enjoy your break, hope the road ahead takes you to a place you deserve 🙂

    All the best 🙂 🙂

    Thanks Sharad 🙂 But do share your views,bcoz its only then I can correct my views,if they are wrong..There is no point in clinging on to my views,simply for the sake of it..When we share thoughts,both of us learn..So please do share your difference in views..Maybe I can reply for 1-2 days ..Good day and good luck to you -Nimmy

  4. Nimmi,
    “we worship women as Goddess, but at the same time, treat them as slaves, with mere property value.”

    Saw this and thought of commenting.
    When I take up the tag(tagged by Cris), will write on these lines.There is an exception, one goddess. Think think! May be India’s first “feminist” ,she was.

    -Nikhil

    Welcome to my blog Nikhil 🙂

    hmm…….mmmm….sorry,I can’t guess the name you reffered to..Hope to read about it in your tag post ..Good day 🙂 -Nimmy

  5. Nimmy, the feminist,

    “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition – Timothy Leary” 🙂

    I believe that feminism is more or less achieved in the major cities in India; and if there is still a portion left, they will soon catch up. But I guess that it is not the case in small towns and villages. And I fear that women in those places themselves doesnt know their worth. Awareness is the key.

    I also have a bone to pick with you. There is also a very high percentage of women who enjoy the preferential treatment they get when considered weaker (be it longer maternity leave, to be driven around, not to be asked to do tougher tasks, etc).

    Coming to your hiatus, I will definitely miss your strong views on socio-political matters. I am hoping you will be back soon.

    Have a good time.

    Cheers,
    Salil

    As usual,mature balanced thoughts from you Salil…In fact,there isn’t a need for the label ‘feminism’,we just need to give them their rights and not any priviliege..True,awareness is the key..My feministic views revolve around providing atleast those basic rights to those women out there,forget 3 years leave or abortion rights etc etc..

    Maybe you missed my points in the post,I am also against ‘equality’ or those stuff as 3 years leave..It is good,provided the system is compensated by an alternative…

    Thank you so much for your words..Good and good luck to you 🙂 -Nimmy

    • Najeeb
    • November 13th, 2008

    Hi Nimmy,

    I am sure the turn you are taking now will take you to where you really belong. Hope to see you here again, then.

    Thanks for your constant support Najeeb..Yeah,I too hope my road leads me to more happiness and success..Good day and wishes to you too 🙂 -Nimmy

  6. I liked the way you wrote this Nimmy and I am sad that you are going away. After you take your break, come back. Don’t give up blogging.


    Thanks for your words Nita..I have learned lot from you..I am yet to go a long way ahead,to present things in a professional way..You have inspired me a lot..Yup,I hope to come back to you all after the hullaballu tensions..Good day and best wishes dear -Nimmy

  7. Hullo Nimmi, I read it in one stretch without trouble or thinking how long it is. You have covered everything! Great job and I appreciate all the points! Thanks for those lines on unmarried women dear – its a relief to read it when every person I land upon is giving me hours of lecture on why I shouldnt remain unmarried another second longer! You have said it very well.

    And about dowry – recently I saw Sandesham, a Mallu movie where Thilakan (Father in Law) tells Maala (Son in Law) when Maala asks for more money
    “Enikku yaathoru bandhavum illatha ninakku oru kudumbam undakaan vendi ithrem sahayichathano mone naan cheytha thettu?” – (Son, was helping you, who are in no way related to me, build a family for yourself, the mistake I did?)
    I loved that line – that is so true! Marriage was for both man and wife, it was not a favour a man did to a woman! Man marries because he needs wife and woman because she needs husband! Period! However on earth did the question of paying to get husband come from! Sheesh! What irks me most is when women talk like it was a totally sensible concept! I simply find the whole deal totally incredible!


    🙂 Same thoughts here dear ..Thanks for reading :)-Nimmy

  8. By the way, its good to take a break now n then. But make sure you come back soon :-). Take rest and take care dear!

    🙂 Thanks..-Nimmy

  9. I hope its just a break and not a Good bye. Do come back soon, love to read your posts. All the Best to you !!

    🙂 Thanks Priyanka..good day and all wishes to you too -Nimmy

    • Milind Kher
    • November 14th, 2008

    Nimmy,

    Your shutting down so fast will surely leave a void. Yes, I have always IMMENSELY enjoyed your blog and interaction with you too.

    I wish you the very, very best in WHATEVER you do. You can write to me WHENEVER YOU WANT.

    🙂 Thanks for you words and constant support Milind..You ahve encouraged me a lot..Thanks..Good luck and Peace to you -Nimmy

  10. hey…..am a feminist too…….

    and am praying that you be back soon…will miss you…take care…God bless…and dont let any problems take their toll on you…..write it out and am sure we will together be able to find answers to the toughest questions.

    ciao!!!

    thanks Pinku..even I will miss you all ..Thanks for being there 🙂 ..-Nimmy

  11. stumbled in here and liked what I saw. Wd be back, hope you r writing again by then. Have a nice time whrevr u are. thx 🙂

    O I realized from ur post tht am a ‘feminist’ too, but I hate the word tho, and personally dont like it at all. I am a woman. Y do I need to be an additional ‘nist’ to be heard and live my stupid life the way I bloody well want to – marry not mary, decide the fate of my own brood – shd be naturally mine. Men dnt need to be ‘ist’ to be heard, so maybe we shd drop tht media created word from the loop now tht the situation is slightly better. “I am a Woman” sound so much better, gracious, dignified, elegant, stylish and RESPONSIBLE. As women we failed to be responsible to our own selves is why thrs so much misery all around….tee hee was going away…like a typical Indian bye it became so long at the gate…sorry, just edt it off yeah? thx 🙂

    Rolling,welcome to my blog..You have solid opinions and thoughts..Great..Why would i edit it when its all true 🙂 Keep coming -Nimmy

  12. Hey Nimmy, this was such a wonderful post, but I hope we continue reading your passionate, straight from your heart posts 😦

    Love your take on feminism, and this definitely makes me a feminist too.

  13. Kudos to this post! You have covered most everything and I agree with every word of yours.

  14. Kudos to this post! You have covered most everything and I agree with every word of yours.

    • Aam Insaan
    • November 19th, 2008

    Nimmy
    ‘we women want equality of pay,but still we want 3 years maternity leave..’

     has nothing to do with feminism, but with nature.. the born child needs ‘minimum’ three years of total/absolute Parental care, i.e. irrespective of father / mother, the female species being naturally more emotionally evolved & advanced than their male counterpart, though inspite of not understanding but by just sensing it thru the law of nature.. ask the ‘bare minimum’ of three year instead of seven years…
    ‘I am still to find a woman who can move the same number of bricks as a man in a definite period of time..’

    –Is a mental block…

    ‘female infanticide’ …
    –Is restricted to the cow belt only.. to make it sound like a national disaster is behaving like an alarmist…

    ‘worship women as Goddess’
    — Is in bad taste for it has nothing to do with narrow thought processes…it’s beyond brain comprehension..

  15. An excellent well thought out and expressed post! Kudos!

    • Rashi
    • December 1st, 2008

    Welcome back…

    Keep blogging and keep quarelling too..

  16. would like your opinion, Nimizzz!! how have you been btw!~ long timeee!

    Source:
    http://historyofislam.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/04/13/history-of-islam-1.html

    Being a woman and a Muslim, I should say that God should not have made me born as a Muslim. I have come to a stage where I can not leave Islam. At least, I request the women belonging to other faiths never to accept this cruel sect called Islam. I prefer to be born as an animal rather than being born as a Muslim. All your logic, philosophy, freedom is completely destroyed in Islam. You can not question anything here; you have to just accept everything as it is. Islam means “submission” – submit all your senses to the nonsense initiated by Mohammad.

    Women are same as the property of men. Women are second class citizens. A man can marry up to 4 legal permanent wives (Aqdi) and as many temporary wives (Siqeh) as he desires as per the nonsensical Islamic Marriage Law.

    In Islam, a “marriage ritual” means “a contract to use the private parts of the bride by the groom as sanctioned by Allah and Mohammad” and “this contract can be broken by the groom” according his fancy. Our great Prophet created only one God “Allah”, but believed in having as many wives and as many sex slaves as possible.

    Being a Pakistani, I know what is happening here.

    Read http://www.dawn.com/weekly/mazdak/20051203.htm and http://www.dawn.com/weekly/mazdak/20070206.htm, to know how the girls from others religions are converted by force to Islam in Pakistan and the same is the case with most of the Islamic nations. [In this particular case i.e., http://www.dawn.com/weekly/mazdak/20051203.htm, it was revealed late that the three Hindu girls Reena, Usha and Rima were raped and then converted to Islam and were threatened that their parents Sanno Amra and Champa and their brother and sister Suraj and Arti would be killed if they (i.e. Reena, Usha, Rima) go back to Hinduism.]

    This is how the religion of Islam was spread by Mohammad who created Allah as a fear psyche & as god of sex and war. If we look at our roots, NONE OF US WERE MUSLIMS. We were Christians, Hindus, Jews, Parsis, Buddhists, etc. and our ancestors were all converted in this fashion. Pork be upon the head of lecherous Prophet Muhammad and his lecherous Allah.

    • Nimmy
    • December 6th, 2008

    Thanks IHM,Sahil,Aam Insaan,Usha,Rashi and Roop 🙂 It feels great to have known and come closer to you guys..

    Rashi,lol..am I a bad girl who always quarell?? 🙂

    Usha,Welcome to my blog 🙂

    Roop,will reply to your comment soon..

    Good day to all

    • Salauddeen
    • December 8th, 2008

    Women can’t enter some temples and many mosques.. They can’t perform rituals..Arabs and other muslims don’t believe me when I say that women are not allowed to pray in mosques in majority places in India..They never heard of such a thing..

    ROTFL!

    Do you think your readers are ignorant? You think masjids in UK, USA, Arab countries, Pakistan, etc. allow women into their masjids?

    Some may have masjids specifically for use by women. Some may allow women into a gallery shielded from the main hall – usually by an unmarked door at the back of the building!

    Hi,Welcome to my blog 🙂

    Do you think your readers are ignorant

    I never underestimate my readers.Instead,I take effort not to parade my ignorance and even when I make mistake,I sure do apologize and correct myself.I wonder why you felt otherwise..Maybe because you stopped reading half-way 🙂

    You think masjids in UK, USA, Arab countries, Pakistan, etc. allow women into their masjids?

    🙂 I live in a Arab country..So I guess I am well informed 🙂

  17. This is the most intense post I have read until now in tagging.

    I absolutely agree with many of your views like
    /*To me, life is not about equality, but about Justice and Fairness.. I don’t think and I don’t want to become like a man..By wearing a jeans or by cutting my hair short, won’t make me ‘equal’.. What I want is justice and fairness in opportunities.*/

    /*Men and women are different from each other and instead of outdoing each other, I think we should compliment each other..*/

    Very perfect words.. I could say. They have to complement each other. I like to add a point when it comes to Dowry.. People are thinking that it is a prestigious issue. And I have seen even girl’s parents are happy to give huge sum of money and gold during marriage. And the other side of this is, if a family has a girl and a boy.. for example if they are giving some 50,000 as dowry for their girl’s marriage, they are expecting the same amount from the girl, who is going to marry their boy. And one another side is, let us consider there are 3 boys in a family. If the first boy gets some 1 lakh for his marriage, then his parents starts to demand the same or higher amount than that, for their next 2 sons.
    And I always hate those people taking money during marriage, in any name. A ridiculous practice 👿 Boys who are arguing all the things with their parents, have their mouth shut when it comes to dowry. Shame on them!!

    And I hate those political parties who are playing with 33% reservation for women, just for votes. I am just wondering why there is need for any reservation. If they are good enough, they must have been the percentage of position they deserves.

    /*Women can’t enter some temples and many mosques..*/
    I can’t comment on this.. As I don’t know much about them.

    A brilliant post and tag.

    🙂 Thank you so much for those words of appreciation..To add to what you said,its not always the groom-side fault alone..I ahve seen many bride;s families competing to give more n more gold and money..But they never realize that,in between maintaining their ego and social status,they are smashing down marriage dreams of those girls who happened to be born in poor families..Noise happens when two hands collide..Both the bride and the groom are responsible for this social evil..Its just that some men and their famlies are more evil 🙂

    Regarding reservation,I think it is a necessity of the hour..See friend,ours is a patriachial society where women have been oppressed,may it be physically or mentally or socially or financially..Over centuries,women community or society as a whole have been seasoned to expect women to behave in a particular manner or within a frameset..Things are changing,but to promote speedier change and to motivae or bring forward the timid or half-motivated women,we need reservations..Well,atleast until till half of the women population is empowered..then take away the reservation and let the emp[owered half helf the rest..Thatz how I think it will make a better tomorrow..

    Well,its just my random thoughts..They needn’t be practical.But still I am keeping the flame of hope lightened 🙂 -Nimmy

  18. Thats right.. But I never liked the concept of reservation in India. Because once given it will never be allowed to taken back.. like the reservation in education in the name of caste.

    But to start off things(Women empowerment) we need reservations, so that it will become a practice and our people will get used it..

  19. Hi Nimmy, I just came across this post of yours and want to tell you that it is fantastic! Every point you raised is valid. If only we had more people who thought like you!
    Lots of girls, do not feel that there is anything wrong in getting a dowry when they get married – they feel entitled to it! So its not just the groom’s side at all times – as you rightly said – its women against women.
    The only thing I feel I need to digress is the need for reservations. Though the idea behind reservations are good – unfortunately in India, they get misused and its is mostly the ‘already enpowered’ who get the benefits. I really feel that we need to enpower women at the grassroots level. Maybe – the govt needs to announce incentives to the poorer families to get them to send their daughters to school. Try and get as many girls education… Make loans available at lower rates for them to do their higher education.. I really think that these things will finally enpower women instead of reservations!

    Hi Smita,welcome.. 🙂 I am glad you visited.I have been to your space earlier,but didn’t get time to comment..

    I agree with what you said on reservations..True,it is the already -empowered or the half way-empowered who amkes it to claim reservations..It isn’t helping the mass on a broader perspective..It is true that to most of the women,having or not having reservation doesn’t make any difference..Do visit again and share your thoughts .Good day -Nimmy

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