How to be a better wife- Do’s and Don’t’s

Do’s Dont’s
Accept him at face value. Don’t try to change him.
Admire the manly things about him. Don’t show indifference, contempt, or ridicule towards his masculine abilities, achievements or ideas.
Recognize his superior strength and ability. Don’t try to excel him in anything which requires masculine ability.
Be a Domestic Goddess. Don’t let the outside world crowd you for time to do your homemaking tasks well.
Work for inner happiness and seek to understand its rules. Don’t have a lot of preconceived ideas of what you want out of life.
Revere your husband and honor his right to rule you and your children. Don’t stand in the way of his decisions, or his law.


To what extent do you agree with this?

Source : http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

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  1. First the Do’s

    1.But what are err Manly qualities?
    2. Is changing a baby’s nappy a manly thing?
    3. Superior strength? As in he can reach higher to pick something from the highest shelves?
    Or he can pick all the heavier grocery bags?
    4. What’s a Domestic Goddess? A goddess who stays at home or a domestic who lives like a goddess?
    5. Inner, outer, all happiness is welcome πŸ™‚
    6. I beg your pardon! Be ruled by a life partner? And let him rule the kids also? Why? For what purpose and whose benefit?
    What if he is not as smart at many things which I can do better than him?…., pretend he is smarter ? Will he be foolish enough to believe that he is better and smarter than I am in everything …. then why will I be married to such a fool!!!
    Won’t it be so much smarter to live in Sin then?

    Don’ts

    I agree we should both accept each other as we are and we should both not ridicule each others’ err masculine and feminine and genderless qualities, meaning if I hate cooking (err a masculine quality) he mustn’t ridicule me and vice versa πŸ™‚

    Don’t believe in trying to excel anybody anyway. We should just do our very best and be our best. And encourage each other and take pride in each others achievements. They haven’t mentioned anything about mutual respect or about partnership or friendship or companionship …

    “Don’t let the outside world crowd you for time to do your homemaking tasks well.”
    Is this only for homemakers or for all wives…?

    “Don’t have a lot of preconceived ideas of what you want out of life.”
    No plans! No future hopes, no dreams of sitting in the balcony in our old age and watching the sunset together ….??? How do husbands manage to do this, or errr is this advise only for one partner?

    “Don’t stand in the way of his decisions, or his law.”
    His LAW!! What does he do? Is he a lawyer or a politician… is this only meant for wives of people who are involved with making laws???

    And what is this about not standing in the way of his decisions? What kind of decisions? Are they dangerous? Won’t this guy like a partner to SHARE ideas with? Sounds like a poor specimen suffering from a inferiority complex. He needs a a shrink not a life partner.

    I’d rather not marry.

    πŸ™‚ I need lot of time and presence of mind .Give me some time to reply to you-Nimmy

  2. Agree with you IHM, I’d rather not marry!

    πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

    Smitha,I have been reaidng your postsn but not able to comment ..Please pardon and do keep in touch

    • Karen
    • January 10th, 2009

    I found this as a link to my blog & followed it.

    My husband & I have been married for over 29 years. We have a good, happy marriage. He was down here & I read this to him & he said it sounds to him like a “Yes” woman. A “Stepford Wife”, if you will. The only “man” I’ve ever met who would like a wife described above was an abusive red-neck who actually told him wife not to behave as I did, because I was a bad influence.

    Chris & I have beat all the odds. Statistics show that 95% of the couples that lose a child end in divorce. We lost our youngest son when he was 2 weeks away from his 2nd birthday in a drowning accident. In our 4th year of marriage. We’ve made it through menopause when I was 35. He gave me the hormone shots. We made it through the episode when he hit his 40’s. We’re both in our 50’s now & happier now, even with our own business, than ever.

    If those “rules” were something that was hauled out for young women to see prior to marriage, no woman would want to get married. They are the biggest load of garbage I’ve ever seen. And I speak from experience.

    Hi Karen πŸ™‚ I am glad you visited and shared your experience with life..Of course the given Do’s and Don’t is not real in whole..but maybe you can find glimpse of evrey point made in a comman woman’s life ..Today morning i felt like reading on how be be a better wife and improve myslef..Holy hell,this link came up as the first couple of search results and i was feeling dizzy as to thinking if this is what a ‘good wife’ meant..So I shared it with all my friends to know their view point..

    Yes,as you said,both wife and husband need to hold hands and be compassionate and supportive for each other through ups and downs..They need to respect each other and give personal space as an individual..Trust and feel of security,maybe it forms the basis of all this..I don’t know…Its been just a couple of years for me..Long way and more lessons to be learned πŸ™‚ thanks for visiting..Do come again -Nimmy

  3. “Recognize his superior strength and ability.”
    “Be a Domestic Goddess.”

    excuse me??? giving u the benefit of doubt, is this post your view or some forwarded email??


    lol..do you think I will think this way!!!..Except the 5th one,I agree/contempt the rest πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  4. From the posts i have read on this blog, the opinions put forward in this post don’t seem to be Nimmy’s. πŸ™‚

    πŸ™‚ I would never think so sexist and dumb..Please see the source I provided just below the table.. -Nimmy

  5. Nimmy, I just read your August post on Jammu- Kashmir. Since I just wrote a post on KPs, I was interested. Many facts you’ve written that I did not know previously. Re: Hari Singh- unfortunately, I agree. 😦

    I am glad you came Manju πŸ™‚ Yeah,its a sad fact that people are refugees in their own land..Maybe this can happen to you or me tomorrow..Unless we talk for the oppressed,nobody will talk for us,when our turn comes πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  6. I think IHM got it right! And domestic Goddess?? Many qualities? Like what exactly? I would rather not think about them or your blog will cease to be a family blog. πŸ˜›

    πŸ™‚ True,IHM hit the nail…I agree and respect each others choice of living the way they want it..Maybe there are plenty of women who feel happy and content as this way and maybe they strongly believe that they are way better than wives like me..lol..The problem with these kid on ‘how to become better wife’ is that people start judging..’Oh see this,you qualify below average than a ‘better’ wife’…Geez.. Everything,every rule or guideline is fine as long as people agree to respect each others choice.

    I would rather not think about them or your blog will cease to be a family blog. πŸ˜›

    I am sorry for poor voltage of my tubelight,i don’t get it πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  7. As long as being a domestic goddess entails not doing a spot or housework and sitting on my derriere all day.

    But I think this is an ok list IF there is an exactly similar albeit gender changed list for men.

    lol..

    But trust me,it really feels good to do the housework and cooking ..Personally,I am ready and happy to do anything and everything for my family,UNTIL AND UNLESS it is imposed upon me. If I feel like being dictated or pressurized,I hate doing anything and everythign..So its all about perception of feelings within the family.I will cook biriyani for my family even in midnight,if they tell me in peace..But if they tell me “Hey Nimmy,cook me biriyani before i come home by 12 pm” ,hell I won’t even make a tea πŸ˜‰

    That said,I don’t think men will be ready to accept this list be we rollover it to their part,will they?? -Nimmy

  8. I actually came here from some other blog seeing the title of the post. I was wondering, is there such thing, only to find such a chauvinistic rules, and I felt like laughing. Only I couldn’t when I realised there would actually be some women saddled with such kind of marriage and I can’t laugh at them.

    True Poonam..Everybody is not looking at the world through the same colour of glasses..We can’t judge others relationships according to our morales or standards.But don’t you think that many many many men will be happy if we women adhere to this list ??? πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  9. Hi Nimmy,

    Thank you so much for providing so many laughs in one day.

    I followed the link back to snopes and – ah! – that 10-point advice from 1950 *is a classic*.

    I read it out to my husband. His eyes popped out of his head as I read through the list and believe it or not, even before we had got to the end of point no 1, we were ROFL.

    I paused for breath, and we read through the entire 10 points. I say, I haven’t laughed as much for ages.

    Btw, Nimmy, this “article” supposedly from a 1950’s ‘home economics textbook’, has been widely circulated over the internet. There is even a ‘quiz’ somewhere along these lines – I’ll dig up the link for you – you might enjoy that one.

    Hey hey Mummyjaan,I never knew all these detalis..Thanks for sharing..Actually,yesterday morning,I felt a huge urge to become a better wife..lol,all my spirit ended the moment i read this article,which sadly happened to be the 2nd one in Google search results..hmm..True that times ahve changed,but i can relate these expectations to that seen around πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  10. http://www.magatsu.net/maritaltest/

    This is called the 1930’s marital test. *ahem

    Btw, I scored 21 (very poor failure). I’ll bet you will do better Nimmy. Don’t actively try to compete with me in order to fail okay :D?

    Oh my Gooooooooooooood ..Mummyjaan,can you believe my test result…

    72

    As a 1930s wife, I am
    Superior

    ***Falls down fainting***

    -Nimmy

  11. On a more serious note, if I were to analyze the do’s and dont’s that you have put up, here we go:

    The Do’s.

    Point no 1 is excellent advice for both men and women.. Points 2 – 6 are a little twisted by today’s standards. Unless we can pick and choose the language that we like here and mentally ‘delete’ the rest:

    So my edited version of do’s (for spouses) would read as:

    Accept one another at face value, admire each others’ positive qualities, respect one another and strive for mutual happiness, and do your share of the housework. (Being a ‘domestic expert’ never hurt any man or woman – after all, everybody should know how to cook their food or iron their own clothes).

    The Dont’s:

    I woud agree with no. 1 and 5, but the rest of the points need to be modified to bring them in line with the present century :)! I think you get the drift…

    Thatz a great edited Do’s πŸ™‚ I agree with all Do’s except the last one..Our Don’t’s linking matches..I agree with 1st and 5th and to soem extent,the 4th one too ..Yeah,the rest are to be changed ,especially the last one…grrrrrrrrrrrrrr -Nimmy

  12. :)..had visited earlier too…..today and tried adding your link…but my comp hung(or whatever they call it…:D..)

    yes,this is something that I feel very strongly about…I am not married,have not even seen an unhappy marriage from up close..and yet I do know what’s what…….gestures,little silences say so much about a relationship don’t they?like I commented somewhere today(though in a diff context) one doesn’t have to be an alcoholic to know that alcohol is bad does one?

    I come froma very loving family, a family where feminism was never taught because it was what we lived.everyday……

    and yet I am mentally prepared to stand on my own even if a few years down the line my marriage fails/or my husband is abusive verbally or physically…

    I know my parents and brothers will always support me..but I have prepared myself to face anything alone..(even though mom gets upset when I say this thinking that I dont have faith in my family)But this is the reality what if something happens I dont have support?will I stay in such a marriage?so I am all prepared and all…

    btw this definitely does not mean I am cynical..just realistic and on the contrary an eternal optimist..:)

  13. Who comes up with all these Do’s? Domestic Goddess? Which era is this?

    πŸ™‚ lol..See the link in the post..I think mummyjaan has given us more info about these valuable points of homemaking..Thanks for visiting,do come again ..Good day -Nimmy

    • selvan
    • January 11th, 2009

    Its all right to be a good wife. Unfortunately the virtues so glorified in an ideal wife leads to lot of problems like expectation to be treated like a goddess and empress at home . The tyranny of this excessive care and fawning can make anybody feel sick after sometime. I personally feel the excessive concern for me leads my wife to intrude in all my affairs and give suggestion after suggestion on almost everything under the sun.It doesn’t end with suggestions. After a while suggestions become orders with emotional blackmail. Yes its almost that.After all my sacrifices do I deserve all this; kind of things.The end result is constant tension in the relationship.
    So its always better to allow independence in areas which do not affect the other person.Even children feel uncomfortable with excessive pampering/fawning by the parents and other family members.

    Hi Selvan,your comment has lot of thought in it and I would like to have a new post on this..Sure,excessive of anything,no matter even if it is love and care is suffocating and annoying beyond a certain extent..Thank you so much for visiting and giving your honest expressions..Do come again..Good day to you.. -Nimmy

  14. I find these dos and donts hilarious.
    Any dos and donts apply both ways.


    πŸ™‚ I agree to a few ones,but in whole,this list sends out a wrong signal..Theer is nothing good in a relationship without mutual respect .. Good day -Nimmy

  15. πŸ˜€ no comments…


    lol… πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  16. I read through it all…

    It’s very difficult to generalise, that is the problem with all such specific rules that work on an interpersonal plane. What leads me and my wife to ultimate happiness may not work exactly for another couple. And vice versa.

    It’s better to be general. And, let me add something: a couple of golden rules that transcend all barriers:

    – Never hesitate to take one step back that will enable us to take two steps forward.
    – Nothing can be achieved without sacrifice. And what is sacrifice? Letting go what you love the most.
    – Happiness and success — like all good things in life — come at a price.

  17. The Do’s are really hilarious!!!

    And the Don’ts is what a relationship is usually dead at…!!

    err… we need more…. πŸ˜‰

  18. Was this found on a papyrus during an excavation? πŸ™‚

    ha ha..lol..

    Actually,one fine morning i had a gut feeling for the need of becoming a better wife πŸ™‚ so I googled “How to be a better wife’..and found out this valuable piece of data-yeah,truly excavated πŸ˜‰ -Nimmy

  19. I thought that dos and donts were wirtten with a tongue in the cheek variety:) for a good laugh, but reading the comments I am confused…are you serious?..this type of species are completely obsolete now:), thats the way i think:)

    Hi Renu πŸ™‚ thanks for the comment..

    Lol..this is not at all serious dear,just shared for a laugh,but yes,the thoughts in it are not so outdated in lives around us πŸ™‚ It became a serious discussion jsut like that πŸ™‚ do come again,Good day -Nimmy

  20. A very alien topic for me now πŸ™‚


    lol.. πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  21. We need to change your name then Nimmy. From now on you are “Superior 1930’s Wife” πŸ˜€

    LOL.. But when I told this to my husband,he too fainted hearing my score..I wonder why..hmmmmm lol…;-) -Nimmy

    • anon
    • June 29th, 2010

    ha ha ha
    thats a joke πŸ™‚
    you should also write one for how to be a ‘better husband’

  1. January 10th, 2009

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