What will you do/say if you were me…

You are newly married..

You are sitting in between your in-laws ,in a party.

Your cousin-in-law,a guy of marriagale-yet-unmarried age come to the room..

He is not interested in getting married..

Others,mainly women folk tell him benefits of getting married.After a while,a new bride-you-tells him that at some point of life,one needs a partner to hang in there ..

He replies ‘Even if I marry,I jsut hope that I don’t get agirl like you ‘..

Everybody is shocked and stands still..Disturbing silence in the room..

He adds “Poor my brother ” (i.e my husband.)

Everybody (MIL,Sister -in -laws and some other random relatives,all in-laws) looks at each other and looks at me..

I stay shocked,but got out of my embarassment and shock and asked him smiling ‘Did your brother tell you that he is suffering’..

He says “Not really,but i can guess’..

Sister-in-law changes the topic and people move to other rooms..

I stay there shocked,embarassed,drowned in shame wondering and still asking myself why he said so (ever since we met,he met me for the second time that day),that too in front of everybody,in front of people whom I have not still bonded with as the relationship is fairly new..I wonder, to how many more would have this incident spread to..

Β 

What would you do or say if you were me…

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  1. what would I do…depends if I had been there and my mood πŸ˜›

    ————————

    πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  2. Just ignore it. I know it hurts, but you cannot make everyone like you, specially someone who is determined not to.

    ——————

    : )I don’t expect everybody to like me.. Everybody has the right to express their views..But he hardly knows me and how social of him is to tell so in puclic,to a new bride .. 😦 -Nimmy

  3. WTH! 😯

    He is right. He shouldn’t marry because no girl should be unlucky to get this rude man.

    And funny that rest of the relatives changed the topic or walked away. What a way to make a bride comfortable in a new home!

    😯

    —————-

    πŸ™‚ lol,I am not being rude or cruel,but I just hope he thinks better and behaves well to others..I don’t blame others for changing the topic,that was the best choice then..they too are not fond of him-a truth is discovered later -Nimmy

  4. ignore as Allytude says..ignore..

    and if you dont want to ignore then say thank god didnt get married to you (say ###### in your mind)you moron!again in your mind or on his face, depends on you I guess πŸ˜€

    or just give him a cool look and walk off as if he is some bloody insect some worm you wouldnt even step on..
    and treat him like that everytime..
    no negative no postive just plain ignore!
    the best way is to IGNORE…it hurts but only if you let it hurt…dont give anyone that much of importance…even a minute spent on thinking of what some slimeball said is a moment of your life wasted,one you could have spent with a loving family.. πŸ™‚

    ——————————–

    πŸ™‚ Yeah,thatz wise words..Ignore..But you knwo,at times,it just keep coming to mind simply for no reason..Maybe i got hurt a lot..but if we jsut ignore,tomorrow,he will be saying this to somebpdy else tomorrow… But at that time,i was not sure of how the whole team would react if i spoke strongly,so i refrained myself.But now,if i get a chance,i would tal;k to him and ask why he said so.. -Nimmy

    (((Hugs))))bear hugs:))

  5. He was rude, and somebody should have scolded him, and asked him to apologise, if he was not a close relative at least they could have said, “Now she is not going to welcome you in your brother’s house if you don’t apologise ..” Anything but letting it jut pass!!

    This is one of the reasons why I say joint families are unfair to girls – the girls remain the outsiders.

    ————————————-

    πŸ™‚ ((hugs)) ..Forget it,maybe they too felt embarassed bcoz somebody from their side was behaving dumb to their new bride…And also,nobody is fond of him and i later discovered that he is infamous for his ‘remarks’..So that realization amde me feel good..lol -Nimmy

  6. And oh yeah did I mention?MORON !How does he survive among humans with such pathetic social skils or lack of them??

    ((hugs))))

    ————–
    πŸ˜‰ lol… -Nimmy

    • Aam Insaan
    • March 3rd, 2009

    I suggest you to do some introspection & not just brush off his comments as inconsequential – not that his outburst is to be accepted, but what he said has not sprung from his reasoning but from what others( many who were present) his was a mere emotional outburst from heresay – atleast he alerted you & made you thinking…

    ——————————-

    Wuill reply to you tomorrow.. πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  7. And Nimmy it does not matter how much you judged in that little time by a whole set of family, who instead of making an effort to help you settle down and feel welcome, start discussing how good or bad you were.
    If he is married you might just find, just wondering, if he will be like this with his own wife, many young men behave like this to please elderly relatives (!)but change the tune when it comes to their own wives … I really would like to know if he treated his wife the same way …
    It is not entirely possible to ignore, but let him know you do not like such rudeness, no matter his excuse …

    ————————

    He is not married IHM..But I just hope that he doesn’t behave this odd to his wife.Maybe if he talks this way again,I can talk to him..Back then,when it happened as year ago,I was not sure of how I would be perceived with my reply..but now,I am one among them..But then again,I really don’t know how to react,I am not interested in making a scene with dumb people -Nimmy

  8. First thing; I m a Boy !
    I am now writing what i would have recommended to any friend.

    Nimmy, your instant reaction was fine and balanced.

    “After a while,a new bride-you-tells him that at some point of life,one needs a partner to hang in there ”
    No salah mashwara to him any further. That should be the learning.

    You are married Nimmy ???? I followed ur blog on blogger (Aa Ha Thinking Inside). Till now i thought you were 50 something, SORRY πŸ™‚ , based on the maturity of your posts !! πŸ™‚

    ————————————–


    Hi R K,welcome to my blog πŸ™‚ lol..50!!! I am just half of that..And thanks for saying that my posts are mature ones,i hope it remains so everytime..

    Yup,I avoid him,but you know that being relatives,we often meet here and there.. Though i try to forget this small incident,it always comes to my mind everttime i see him or think of him..My bad..

    Keep coming -Nimmy

  9. First thing; I m a Boy !
    I am now writing what i would have recommended to any friend.

    Nimmy, your instant reaction was fine and balanced.

    “After a while,a new bride-you-tells him that at some point of life,one needs a partner to hang in there ”
    No salah mashwara to him any further. That should be the learning.

    You are newly married Nimmy ???? I followed ur blog on blogger (Aa Ha Thinking Inside). Till now i thought you were 50 something, SORRY πŸ™‚ , based on the maturity of your posts !! πŸ™‚

    ————————-

    Not ‘newly’ married..But this happened when i was newly married -back last year… -Nimmy

  10. Hmm! Hmm! What a turn of events! I see it as immaturity at its best. My strongest guess is that he was provoked, judged and taunted so the retaliation came to you since you may be the youngest among the group. As you mentioned that he hardly knows you, so what the heck! If reading a few blogs and your views of life, a few bloggers like us can understand you and keep in touch shows how we appreciate you as a person. One cannot satisfy everyone’s egos but we can still wish them well. Wish him well. He must be a worried young man if you avoid him. It was just an over reactive utterance which was not directed to you but an one liner movie dialogue meant to stop people teasing. Its as good as when one points out, “you have recently become very fat” and the targetted person reacts to keep his ego, “I look better than you.”

    Trust me and SMILE πŸ™‚

    ———————–

    πŸ™‚ Thanks for your kind and nice words,but i am not that good-just a typical average woman with both good and bad stuff..

    Yeah,it was immaturity.But he has no right to demonstrate it to me.Maybe somebody else,but not me πŸ™‚ Maybe,as you said,it was just a means to show off ego or vent out frustration.. Forget it -Nimmy

    • Nimmy
    • March 3rd, 2009

    gotta go..good ngt..will reply to you all tmoro..Thanks for being there πŸ™‚

  11. He is an idiot…. is all I can say…..

    ——————-

    πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  12. I agree with Biju. I think he still feels kiddish and is behaving so. Don’t get him married at this age. Maybe a couple of years of waiting should bring in maturity. And why do women always push family members to marry early when they may not be ready for it yaar??

    Destination Infinity

  13. Wasnt his brother, I mean your hubby around there that time? Anyway, just ignore! I am sure one day he would come back and apologize ! There are such people who do not know what to talk and where to talk ! endaa cheyyaa!! Stay calm and dont even react to all these πŸ˜€

    ——————————–

    πŸ™‚ Yeah,that is the right strategy..But you know,i am an emotional stupid human .. Nop,my husband was there in the other room,but it would have been a silly drama (and oh well,my dearo is a diplomatic and unlike me,is well balanced and will not react emotionally ) ,Actually,as per my original character,i would have either cried or becoem angry-both extremes..But luckily,I stayed clam then..and avoided a scene -Nimmy

    • Solilo
    • March 3rd, 2009

    No..Nimsum. You can’t ignore all the time. I mean as a new bride this is what everyone advices you and you do too but at times the things don’t change and there comes a time when you actually need to speak up for yourself because no one is doing that for you.

    You don’t need to take rudeness from anyone because he/she is related to you through marriage or blood. Some people think they are too smart and never change. If this man still goes around trying to be all mighty then tell him off next time, Nimsum.

    ——————————–

    mmm,i understand dear..But there are times when you keep quiet,both for the sake of harmony or in fear of not getting any support.. With me,this is the case most of the times 😦 -Nimmy

    • Nims, I don’t know how old you are or how long you have been married but I was like you before and I have changed. I have changed with time, experience and surroundings. I used to think that it is better to keep quiet and lead a harmonious life but later realized that it doesn’t make me happy. I am not being selfish.

      We need to be happy first to make others happy too or else it shows at some point and hurts our dear ones. Whatever the reason may, the guy had no business talking like that to you in front of everyone and I am appalled that elders kept quiet though not surprised because I have found myself in such situations often where some relatives think that it is their duty and right to advice me on everything but now I am stronger and happier and credit goes to husband because it was him who actually showed me the other perspective too.

      Don’t miss next chance. Do confront him.

      ————————-

      solilo,your thougts have lot of positive energy in them.I am glad i met people like you who added lot of thoughts to me life and made my horizon wider.. Yes,its just been 3 yrs and this happened in the first-second year,when i was still making myself comfortable with the family.but now,i am feeling much more confident and thatz why I dared to post this..If i were in that old state of mind,I would have been afraid to write this..But now i have known that i was not wrong..and I will keep your words ethed in my heart ..((hugs))) -Nimmy

        • Solilo
        • March 5th, 2009

        {{{Hugs}}} back Nimsum. Just 3 years. I can totally understand you.

  14. I think you did something very wrong. You should have asked him the reason for his one liner in front of everyone. No one has the right to point fingers at anyone like this specially when this is a personal matter of a husband and a wife. You should have challenged him and should have called your husband there too.
    Believe me, such people never stop. He will do it again.

    ————————————-

    hhhmmmmm..I don’t know,at that time that was what i felt right. otherwise i would be accussed of making a hill out of a mole. What if others don’t take this statement as a personal insult or arrogance. What if others take it as just a comment and in the end i would be made to feel dumb. Ah,if he does this again,I know what to say.Now i have got over the ‘new’ tag ..lol. -Nimmy

  15. What a rude bastard!

    Ignore him for one – obviously someone who can form that opinion of just two meetings isn’t worth talking to. However, I can imagine the dilemma of trying to bond with the new family (and by extension him) so I’d probably (at another meeting) ask him WHY exactly he felt that way. Try to talk in private if u can. Obviously people are attracted to different types, but that’s just rude.

    —————————————

    Hi Silvara,welcome πŸ™‚

    Yes, I have no issues with his opinion,he has the right to,afterall,meyb he is right and it may be that i am a bad woman.Thatz not the problem here..Isssue is about him saying so, in front of everybody. I don’t expect and hell i don’t want him to like me.The more he stays away from me,the better..

    Do come again -Nimmy

  16. Shame is mostly anger turned inward. You have no reason to feel shame, and every reason to feel anger. Better to direct it at him than at yourself, since he was a jerk and earned it, and he’ll keep on as long as he gets away with it.
    But other factors can’t be ignored, so it might have been best to drop it. Only you can decide that. You were the one who was hurt, and your hurt and anger doesn’t go away until it’s released, whether its by defending yourself or blogging about it later. It doesn’t matter whether your reaction could have ben better, we don’t always have to be perfect, and you did nothing wrong. He did. Shame belongs to those others who failed to defend you. You stood up for yourself, and should be proud of it.

    ———————————-

    Hey Uzza,you speak my mind.. Actually ,this incident happened last year-but till this monet,i was feeling the same feel of being hurt and ashamed,but now that i have talked about it,i just feel so relieved ..And you are very true that “and your hurt and anger doesn’t go away until it’s released” ..Now that i shared it with you,I am sure i will forget this for ever and maybe i will stop hating him ad have a new start.. Thanks πŸ™‚ Thanks a lot.. -Nimmy

  17. What an ill mannered boor. Sorry about that but I hate people with no manners. If that is his view of things fine, but that was no place or occasion to air it. That makes him a totally immature bad mannered and spoilt boy. And I am sorry to say this, I don’t think highly of elders who sit there quietly watching when injustice happens. The least they can do is show their dislike for the way he spoke then and there.
    As to what I would do in your place, it is difficult to say. At your age, I’d probably have been too taken aback to say anything and would merely have smiled to cover it up. (Yes, that’s what I do always) And at this age I would have smiled challengingly and said, “Of course you don’t deserve someone like me. You will get someone more suited to you!”

    ———————————-

    ” If that is his view of things fine, but that was no place or occasion to air it.”.Yes,that my problmem,,He can air his voices,but doing that in a public place….Maybe i would not have felt this bad if the same incident happened in our own house,but this was in a different place,with people outside your immediate circle,sitting together.. And i understand it when you say about reacting then and now..Even i feel so,I would react differently now,than how it was then.. thanks for coming,i loved your poem on ‘I am not a coward’.. -Nimmy

  18. The reason he gets away with such antics is his family’s reluctance to chide him…He feels his behaviour is normal and acceptable…Ignoring such incidents is the mature thing to do although I would have retorted with something equally hurtful…

    —————————–


    πŸ™‚ Yes,maybe he isn’t aware taht something odd happened..Maybe he isn’t even aware that i felt bad.. As for the part that you would retort with something in same tune,though i too would love to do it,we cannot say for sure,bcoz people around and enviornment and place will influence our actions . -Nimmy

    • I was just thinking may be your cousin-in-law was voicing your in-laws’ (including the extended)opinions…I hope not…

      —————–

      πŸ™‚ lol..maybe..i don’t know.. I never thought that way till now (thanks god i didn’t) ..But now that our relationship has grown,I don’t really care for what others feel or comment ..I think i gave grown out of petty egos and i am happy to grant them their freedom of speech and expression bcoz i am sure that my husband is happy with me,for the stupid person i am.To me,its all that matters..It is impossible to please everybody

      But yes,I hope you are wrong,bcoz i wish everybody loves me and aboveall,it is difficult to have a smooth life with people around you,dislike you -Nimmy

      • All you need is your husband’s support – the rest don’t matter…

        ————————–

        πŸ™‚ So true.. -Nimmy

  19. How extremely rude!
    It’s difficult to retaliate sometimes… so, your reaction was a perfectly natural one…
    But, someone should have supported you…anyway, next time he or anyone else speaks like this – give it back with a smile… don’t listen to such things or let it get to you…

    *Hugs*

    ————————————–

    πŸ™‚ That time, that was my option,but if it happens again,sorry dear,I am not that broad minded to smile it away,but i will screw him and make sure he doesn’t talk to me that way never again πŸ˜‰ err,well i hope i do so,though i am not sure 100 %.. ((hugs))

    • What I meant was – smile and give back your words properly.. everything should be said witha beautiful smile! πŸ˜€
      that will irritate them further!

      ————————–

      πŸ™‚ lol..yeah -Nimmy

  20. I think he is just pulling your leg….

    ———————–

    Next time,i will pull both his legs -Nimmy

    • Nimmy
    • March 4th, 2009

    Hi all,thanks a lot for your words,mabe me feel good and get out of the bad thoughts..

    I am feeling little odd now,for having made this post,bcoz i am afraid if i am backbiting..That was not my intention..As Uzza said, ” your hurt and anger doesn’t go away until it’s released, whether its by defending yourself or blogging about it later. “.. My intention was just to vent off my feelings ,how petty and stupid or wrong they are..Its been an year since this happened and silly me,recalls this atleast 2-3 times in a week.I hope this doesn’t count as backbiting bcoz i am blogging in my real identity and maybe he is reading this.. I am feelinf odd and asking myself if i made a hill out of a mole..But thatz what i am..and i feel so relieved for having vent off my hurt feelings and with this,i am sure to forget this incident and have a new start with him.Afterall,we all make mistakes. (I don’t mean that he is wrong in his opinion-maybe i am indeed that bad.But saying this in such a situation -my mind says that it was wrong and hence the post..

    lol..Thank you everybody for reading my rant and thanks you for your time spent on comments to amke me feel good..

    Good day to all.

    • Chirag Chamoli
    • March 4th, 2009

    Nimmy, What the What, please ignore this person, there is no need to even clarify what he wanted to say, if this person wanted to confront you there are way better ways to handle that, just coming out and saying shit like this doesn’t even giving him benefit of doubt.

    @Header: I’ll mail you πŸ™‚

    ————————–

    πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  21. Such people do deserve to get married
    To a Manorama-esque wife who, will straighten him up. πŸ™‚

    ————————–

    πŸ™‚ Yeah,I too hope so πŸ˜‰ ..lol how cruel of me -Nimmy

    • Winnie the poohi
    • March 4th, 2009

    Nimmy it might be that since ppl let go of his remarks he is rude.. May be next time you meet him dont take his comments so easily.. such ppl shut it when you dish it right back to them..

    Umm and I pity him.. something must have soured it.. i mean its obvious that he is obnoxious in an attempt to keep ppl away from him.. which also means he is desperate for a friend who can see through his act

    ————————–

    πŸ™‚ I don’t knwo,maybe there is some undercurrnt egos.. And yes,there is a quote that ‘The best way to conquer your enemy is to make them your friends πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

    May be an offer for friendship wud be a nice thing to do…

    • Priyanka
    • March 4th, 2009

    I don’t know if any of the commenters above have asked you this, but what did your hubby have to say about this incident?

    —————————————


    lol,nobody asked that.. I was wondering if i should answer your qstn,bcoz i don’t want him to be judged πŸ™‚

    Nevermind,he just me that heis just a cracknut and to forget what happened πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

    • Dev
    • March 4th, 2009

    I think that guy is still in kindergarton in terms of his mental maturity. It was not simply a bad joke, it was direct abuse and he should have been taken to task. I think he needs counselling from a trained psychologist. I would not talk to him until he apologizes and explains his behaviour. I could understand your embarassment when this would have happened, but I hope you are mature enough to feel sorry for such people rather than take words of such people seriously & to your heart.

    —————————————-


    mmm,I hope he doesn’t read this..lol πŸ˜‰ And yes,I ahve grown amture and with this post venting out my emotions i am to forget this incident for ever. ..But as you said,it is a lesson in life-not to take allt hings directly to heart ..B/wtn,I loked your gravatar/blavatar πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

  22. This happens when a person has a pre-determined mindset over some persons from what they have absorbed so little.. without worrying its better to avoid those people

    ——————————-

    **sigh** but he got hardly any time to make an assumption about me..Maybe he just wanted to make sure that i don’t act smart with him or maybe he might have got some saddistic happiness from making me feel bad..BBBaw,lets forget it….Thanks Kanagu..-Nimmy

  23. Well, I am not too surprised by a rude and mean remark like that by an in-law. In-laws are invariably rude and mean to newly wed girls and pass judgments on them without knowing them. They don’t really want to know them. You don’t have to feel shame. It is that boy who needs to feel shame but ofcourse he is too shameless to feel it. You being of a sensitive nature will feel the hurt more. If I were you ofcourse I would have given it back to him by saying something like, “Someone like me would not have approved a boy like you!” but then your circumstances may be different. It depends on how much power you have in that situation, with your in-laws around. Anyway it is too late now, and as others have said forget about it but remember always that this boy said that to you. Believe me he will learn his lesson one day.

    • Milind Kher
    • March 5th, 2009

    Nimmy,

    It was rude of him to have behaved like that. It was good to observe restraint at that point of time.

    As long as your hu8sband din’t feel the way your BIL did, it is OK.

    I can’t figure out a motive for such behavior. Maybe, some people are just insensitive..

    • Dev
    • March 6th, 2009

    “B/wtn,I loked your gravatar/blavatar πŸ™‚ ”
    And what? πŸ™‚

    • Priyanka
    • March 6th, 2009

    Hey Nimmy, I asked you that Qts because thats what I would have done if I were in your place – gone directly to my hubby and told him about it. Then its upto him how he deals with it. πŸ™‚

  24. oh my god he really said that and everyone just ignored… and how did u hubby react???

    i think the best is to ignore but if u want to retort u can say that u are glad he is not married u really pity the girl but then whats the point of falling to his level

    ——————–

    True,if we react in the same tone,there isn;t any difference between him and me -Nimmy

  25. oh i know red priyanka’s comment asking the same abt ur hubby its ok if u dont want to answer.. but cheer up girl…

    we should ignore these guys

    —————–

    πŸ™‚ -Nimmy

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