Do feminists ruin families?

Geee…My women’s day had a bad start,when today morning I read this report on TOI ,that ‘Women earn,but Men decide how to spend the money’.The article as such is not much surprising to me,as that is the way I have seen it around me,all my life..I have many working family members,but they hardly seemed to be spending on their own.Nevermind,that is not the focus of this post,as I am rather surprised and confused reading some comments in the discussion forum.Not sure if any copyright issues are involved,I am sharing some ‘cool’ thoughts here.. (those in blockquotes) and my thoughts on these comments.

Indian educated women are the worst among all women in India.I have seen majority of them don’t do much work at home as they are educated. They give frozen food or pasta to their husbands as they are educated and working. In India, the women want naukar for dishwashing, cooking plus a nanny and a car!! To be honest, educated guys should marry a uneducated, simple village girl as she is stronger, straightforward and will definitely cook delicious food. She also won’t have tantrums for wanting this or that.

 —Why is it that working women are associated with being less of a mother or a wife. I have heard husbands saying ‘I want to see my wife when I am back tired from work’. He says ‘ I am earning enough for all of us,so why do you want to make your choice a burden for the family-as a working woman can’t give ‘enough’ attention to husband ,kids and rest in the family.What is wrong in frozen pasta and having dishwaher and a naukar-chakar? I have once encountred a discussion in my personal life where the wife wishes to have a dishwaher in their new home,but husband says ‘You are not working and hence not bringing any money,so keep your luxury dreams to yourself’. :roll : No wonder why many women today want to find some solace in some random job and run out of the label of a housewife to a career woman..

 

Womans Liberation doesnot mean shame lessness . People like Raja Mohan Roy fought fought for rights and dignity of woman he never fought for giving them rights of indecency,,,they very rights of drinking whining and might which brought so much problems to woman themselves. There are few traditional woman who deserve to celebrate womans day . Woman who are mothers ,married and know what work life and tradition balance is .

 —Women liberation does not mean shamelessness’..Hmmm,where is it written so. Women libreation is all about equality and justice.And I am very glad that this man has no shame to brand himself shameless,by drawing parellels between men and women drinking. If it is a shame for women to drink,it would be the same with men too right? I am against drinking,both men and women,period.

 

I wonder if TOI thinks the freedom to go to pubs and right to spend is the empowerment of women. In Indian society, even an empowered woman understands, provided well educated, and leaves the decision to the counterpart as part of mutual cooperation. In the present article, it may be spelt clearly whether only finanicial freedom is the women empowerment.

 —-Ah,choosing between marriage and financial freedom.. It is very funny yet scary that men are so scared at women’s financial independence.Yes,financial independence is the first step towards empowerment.If you don’t have money,you have nothing and is no better than a slave,who has to request and is accountable for each and evey penny you spent,atleast in some families.It makes  a lot of difference in families,mostly middle calss ,where the husband would handover his salary to the wife and she would do all the spending.In otherwise cases,where she has to ask for money,every now and then,ah,it atmost irritating to me..Thatz just my opinion and i don’t judge others.. 

India had the first female PM. So what the heck are the women complaining about. All these western crap, is destroying the Indian way of life and family values. First right should be to the family and its values…why should tax payer fund all this western feminist Nazi propaganda..like NCW or likes of Minister for women , why is not there a Minister for Men?.

—I am sick of this generalization people make.’If APJ Kalam and SRK can make it big,why can’t all muslims become successful like them’..Wonder how a handful people represent million others?I don’t see any little difference,just because Pratibha Patil became the President.And above all,I hardly hear about her,except when,as a President,she hosts some parties for foreign officials..

 

Women have always been respected & given equal right in our society.Will a woman marry a man whose financial status she does not know? Will a woman marry a uneducated man & say I will bring up the man & his kids all on my income? Will the so called educated woman declare that by law she will not seek alimony? Till a woman can do the above there is nothing called liberation.A woman needs to liberate herself from her own mindset first.

—Will a man marry a woman whose family backgrounds he doesn’t know? Will a educated man marry an illiterate girl? Will a man stop crying about false double standards of moral policing ? I suggest you to reform yourself before you preach others..

 

Marriage (and for that reason family life as such) is all through an institution of accommodation, adjustment, trust and sharing. Imposition of individualistic traits and rigid compartmentalization of resources and decision-making run contrary to the basic rationale of family life and must not be espoused at least in Indian conditions.

—Marriage is not about enslaving each other,be it the man or the woman.What I  see around is one part,overpowering the other and imposing one’s interests on the other.I wonder why some men are so insecure of women having opinions and individulaitic charaters.If you can,why can’t we?

 

Ok,thatz it..There are more gems available,go pick yours from the TOI link. 🙂

 

Now, a comment of different strata..

 

This is not to mean that women are denied equality.By Nature, masculine species are protective.Being protective and caring does not mean denial of equality and liberty but rather a natural urge to take care of what one considers as one’s own.Sanatana Dharma enjoins that women are to be protected by Father,Husband and son.also man should eat food prepared by himself,his mother, sister,wife and daughter only.This shows the interdependence of sexes .This is the Natural Law.

 

Hmm,I have heard infinte muslims saying this-justice and fairness -rather than equality of sexes ,and I just knew that Hindus too are no behind them.

 

Now,a comment for you to answer..

 

This is one major reason why marriages last longer in India. If one has to decide weather she wants a longer married life or financial freedom, what would many choose for?

Is it not Ironic that such ladies get pissed if their husbands say something against them but happily obey the orders of several strangers at office and even happily listen whatever the crap they say?

Such women will consider it an attack on their freedom if they are asked to stay for a while in kitchen and serve the family but would happily serve hundreds of men in an airline by giving fake smiles. 
 

Whatcha say ??

 

 

 

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  1. I felt like barfing after reading the comments…

    My answer to the question: If one has to decide whether she wants a longer married life or financial freedom, what would many choose for? is why can’t you have both?Marriage and financial freedom are not mutually exclusive and the sooner men realize that, the better it will be for everyone…Also, men should realize that marriage is not a dictatorship, it is a partnership…
    Men don’t like women being financially independent because it makes it easier for them to leave if the marriage fails…The reason Indian marriages last longer is not because the marriages are happy but because women are financially dependant on their husbands…

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      Perfectly said Bones..You echo my thoughts. Most men emotionally blackmail by arguments as ‘Whow ill take care of baby and me if you go for job’ bla bla bla bcoz they are mostly insecure..

      But regarding the firsst reference,I think an average woman will choose marriage over financial freedom -not bcoz of love for it- but bcoz of fear of associated trauma imposed by the society ,for coming out of a falied marriage.We can’t blame them-for there is no choice left.Things can’t and won’t change overnight.Women have moved forward a lot,but men haven’t been in pace with women. We can’t make it big without their support.

      It amazes me to hell that blogosphere is filled with 99% liberal men..Or are they just pretending.. I hope they come out with real thoughts so that each party can understand the other side and sort it out…

    • Priyanka
    • March 8th, 2009

    I say marry the man who will let you have financial freedom, that way you get both 😉

    • maald
    • March 8th, 2009

    In the US, parents are all the time driving their kids to school, soccer, karate, music classes etc. Children are dependent on parents for commuting till they leave for college (after 12th grade) since public transport is almost non-existent and most of the roads are not pedestrian friendly and weather doesn’t permit walking or biking for half the year.

    Educated women in India have so many luxuries that are not available in western societies. They have drivers to take the kids, maids and even old parents to assist.

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      Servats and drivers are not luxury but a necessity..We all work and aspire for a better living,not the other way round…I wonder why do they ahve peons and attenders in offices,why can’t men just do it all themselves **scratches head***

  2. all I say is women’s day,men’s day etc are the work of media..why tell me do they really do anything to help women in the villages? All we see are ads nothing else…

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      Oh yeah,all these Day’s are just over-hyped media and industry dramas..But some of them help to put forward a message -like Anti-smoking day,AIDS day,Cancer day (err,i hope i named them right) and like women’s day.. If these days help to remind us of days behind and those ahead,it serves the purpose and if otherwise,they are just plain waste of time and money.. 🙂

  3. Hey! I added you to my blogroll. Sorry for the late reply, but all those awards were also meant for you. I just never had the time to add you to my link list. Otherwise, I read regularly. You are on my feed reader. 🙂

    —————–

    🙂 Thanks Amrutha,i am honoured..-Nimmy

  4. To the first one:
    I think its better to get divorced than to be forcefully chained in a relationship. The marriages lasted longer, because women were suppressed, their role was pre-defined. The present is perhaps transition time, women are trying the unconventional, they are thinking. I personally have witnessed many couples where both of them do the job, and their lives are going fine.

    To the second one: I suppose that women are respected at offices. Ordering is a part of job that they do, and they get paid for it. Women have a soft heart, ask her lovingly and respectfully to do anything in kitchen, she wont hesitate; even if she’s not able to do, she’d get the job done. But , provided that man is reasonable enough for not participating in kitchen.

    I have learned cooking :), a lil bit though. However thats not aimed at my helping my wife; i want to be independent enough to survive by myself if the need arises. And i guess so do the girls want, to be independent, able to do everything by themselves.

    However, exceptions are always there. There might be women who could feel superior to all at times, just because they have achieved something in this biased society.

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      Yeah,as you said,Ifeel its the transition time today and hence all this hulla bulla..It will become the order of life in a few years..All human beings are resistent to chnage and its pretty natural why some people are upset over new advancements.But putting forward their protest in the form of trashing girls is not acceptable either..I hope we all,both men and women ,do come out of all this and emerge out as an equalist stable society where both genders are appreciated and valued for the people they are 🙂

  5. I agree with Bones Nimmy..the comments make me want to barf too..

    and what the hell?
    finacial freedom OR marriage?

    crap!absolute crap!

    This is just another ploy to make women ,feel guilty to make them feel like there are only two options ,,as if there can be no balance between the two..

    and yes why are men scared if a woman has finacial independence?becasue justas Bones says it makes it easier for a woman to leave a marriage..why should she stay if finacial help is all he provides?what about love?

    and so she can leave if she has finacial independence…

    and the same rule applies to fathers too..or anyone who thinks he is in ‘charge’ of you as a woman..

    that is why I believe have always belived infact that for women even more important than education(example the maids who work for us….)or atleast equally important is finacial freedom…because it gives wings to a womans dreams..her aspirations..all that she could be …

    and the last comment is not even worthy of a reply..this comment is in the category of the DD fellow earlier…one who seeks to see women as either sluts if they work or have an opinion of their own…or thinks that women are paid slaves wiating to do their every bidding…this type does not even see them as goddesses(which in itself is as pathetic)

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      So true dear…There are times i have felt that maids are livign a much smarter and better life than many so called educated and civilized people..

      I had no much idea of how to reply for the second comment,but IHM said it perfectly..Just reverse the gender names and ask them how fair it is 😉

  6. Marriages last longer in India as compared to the big bad west because women have no place to go to. If they were more financially secure they would not take the crap a lot of families dish out to them.

    On the less educated part, I married a man with two degrees ( a masters and a PhD- I have two masters) less than me, no problems here…Only an insecure man would put the “better than wife” clause…

    —————–

    🙂 -Nimmy

  7. Hey where do you get those adorable icons near your comments? They are awesome

    ——————————

    lol..you like them??Awesome!!Just few days ago,Indyeah was feeling sad about the bad face assigned to her.. And now i notice that yours is a nice smiling one.. Its just a feature of wordpress-you enable avatars in discussion-its automatically generated according to ip.. -Nimmy

  8. I read the article too and it amazed me!
    I still feel that for whatever growth, change that we are looking for – the mindset of women should change first. We need to start respecting ourselves first…

  9. Brilliant idea Nimmy to bring these questions here, such questions also make us see what’s wrong with our society.
    I have often read and barfed at such comments too.

    Q 1 This is one major reason why marriages last longer in India. If one has to decide weather she (or he?) wants a longer married life or financial freedom, what would many choose for?

    Although generally both men and women should be able to choose both, there are also many who may want only financial freedom, and that’s fine too.

    But there might be some men and women, who will prefer not to get married and not to have kids also but are given no choice. Particularly women are under tremendous social pressure to get married and to stay married. We know dowry, dowry deaths, sex selection etc will be no issues if women could CHOOSE.
    A choice like this (without condemnation or blame) will be the best thing for Indian women and also for men.
    A large number of women are forced to live miserable lives serving people who treat them with little respect. If they could choose financial independence without the finger-pointing, and without the unjustified burden of guilt and blame, I think we will see some happy families- because then women will be also a part of families, not stay invisible and unheard in the name of family values. Or they might choose to not have families, that is fine too.

    The bias in these statements can be seen if we just reverse the gender, read it like this,

    Is it not Ironic that such men get pissed if their wives say something against them but happily obey the orders of several strangers at office and even happily listen whatever the crap they say?

    Such men will consider it an attack on their manhood if they are asked to stay for a while in kitchen and serve the family but would happily serve hundreds of men/women at their work places by giving fake smiles.

    😉

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      Bravo IHM ((hugs)) I put up posts like this so that people can see both sides and sort out how unfair some systems are,at the same time of not having the feeling of being oppresses by feminists. I can’t say it well in complete,so I put up these posts and thoughts so that people like you can fill in the blanks.. I was not sure of how to deal with the second comment..But you said it well and right -just reverse the gender names and see for unself if it is right or worng…

    • i agree bravo IHM 🙂 very well put

      nimmy good post…

      i am estranged by the thought we have to choose one but alas that is the truth…. howmuch ever u earn the day u can spend it by ur will is way to far

      ———————

      **sigh*** -Nimmy

  10. This article is truly disturbing! Perhaps the crappiest discussion too! It’s absurd to think that a woman is not supposed t have any desires because she is not adding to the income of the family. More often I have seen that it is these men who demand that their wife remains at home rather than work. I believe if the man expects his wife to leave her work n career n be a doting housewife he’d rather safeguard his honour n make sure he fulfills every desire of his wife n be thankful to God every single day that his wife has left her entire career behind for her husband and that her love is that immense for him…
    Came on to your blog thru IHM’s blog n really liked it….

      • Nimmy
      • March 9th, 2009

      Hi Rohini,Welcome 🙂 In fact,this is not a crapy discussion bcoz this is the way majority thinks..Its not just about men alone,but about women too who are unsure of what they want in life..And again,its not about men v/s women bcoz majority women too think this way .As Charakan once said,these types of posts are odd bcopz blogosphere is mostly of women who are liberal,independent and those who have come out of the usual stereotypes . In fact,in real life,atleast in that life i ahve seen till today,it is the other kind of talks-the feminist talks-that are seen odd .Either it is that people are pretending or it is that blogosphere doesn’t represent the conservative majority-the people who need a change in direction is attitude..

      Keep coming Rohini 🙂 Good day

  11. No they dont !

    Happy Woman’s day !!

    —————–

    🙂 -Nimmy

  12. Good post Nimmy. Are men pretending they are liberal? Actually it is not pretending, we believe we are liberal. In theory we are for equal rights for women. But in practise most of us falter. Only very few will give away power without a fight. So women may have to fight in their homes to get their rights

  13. Oops,

    How is it that so many Indian Guys can still not think Rationally?What a whole of Crap can they come up with?
    I think, they just can’t swallow the fact that the pleasures (like hanging sout in a pub) which were only limited to them till a few years ago, are now equally enjoyed by women.Plain INSECURITY,, thats it!!!!

    • Charakan
    • March 9th, 2009

    The above comment is my view about ‘liberal” male bloggers including me. An average Indian male most probably will be more conservative.

  14. Happy Womens Day

    • Milind Kher
    • March 9th, 2009

    A woman is not lesser than a man. Nor is she greater than him. Nor is she equal to him. She is DIFFERENT. Like Chanel and Bulgari are different. Like a rose and jasmine are different.

    But tyes, she deserves equal opportunities, equal pay for equal work and she is equally entitled to respect.

    ————————–

    Yes,I agree with you..Nature has its own rules and we should take care as to maintain justice and fairness..But since nothing of that sort is happening,women talk about equality I love your balanced thoughts 🙂 -Nimmy

  15. Belated women’s day to you Nimmy.. My comments on this post will follow soon 🙂

    —————————

    🙂 thanks Kanagu..Lately,you ahve been writing wonderful posts..KUdos to you ..-Nimmy

    • Thanks Nimmy.. I am really happy to hear this from you 🙂

  16. Belated happy women’s day to you Nimmy.. My comments on this post will follow soon

  17. Happy Women’s Day, Nims!

    I don’t think the comments even deserve any mention again.

    All I can say is that let us hope for a time when women will be considered equal and we won’t need a day to commemorate women.

    ——————-

    🙂 Amen -Nimmy

  18. When i read the title, I kept wondering if you meant Do feminists RUIN families, or, Do feminists RUN families ? 😀

    —————

    Lol ..In my experience,the word feminism is seen and perceived as how the priest sees the devil ..hmmm -Nimmy

    • Chirag Chamoli
    • March 10th, 2009

    Nimmy I am not married yet, but understand, the debate of “financial freedom OR marriage” is baseless, this may be true in some cases but gladly in my case, I had to never face any such questions ever when I was living with my girlfriend. we shared responsibility and money management was never a issue.

    With my parents too I have seen my mom make all the financial decisions, if we wanted something we would go to mom and ask her. BTW, she was a teacher too and both the brothers turned out fine.

    Most of the argument are bases less and seem very specific to a couple and not all at least from my prospective.

    ————————-

    Even I had the same experience in my home and my husband too is fine with me spending on how and when i like it..But that said,i have seen otherwise people too,so these kind of posts are aimed at understanding their part..sadly,not any of such people comment here 😦 and in the end,the posts becomes an utter waste of time -both yours and mine .. -Nimmy

  19. Nimmy, there are men who think like this no doubt. Otherwise why would be have domestic violence, bride burning and female infanticide? In fact even women think like that! I know women who believe that uneducated women are more of homebodies and that educated women are a curse and that is some sort of western influence!
    It’s nonsense as you know. Western values teach hard work and most westernized women I know work more in the home than their more desi counterparts. I find that whether educated or uneducated, women in India are used to servants to do the domestic chores (talking of middle classes and upper classes). I am not being judgmental at all, it is their life. I am saying that being uneducated and a homebody doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude. At the same time I know a lot of hardworking women, and they are equally divided between the working educated women and the homebodies! It’s very individual. Indian men are also lazy as compared to their western counterparts who not just provide for the family but also do things like fix stuff, mow the lawn, snow, help in household chores etc. So if men complain about Indian women, it will be interesting to see what work they do! My bet is that these men will be lazy pigs, who spill food on the floor and and expect to be served hand and foot. These men will be incapable of makign a cup of tea! Naturally they want their wife to do it because a wife is around 24 hours, while a servant leaves! These men are the same bride burners, dowry takers. Men who want to take another’s hard earned money by selling themselves to the highest bidder!
    I think you should ignore these kind of comments. These type of men are far removed from you and me. And thank god for that.

    • Milind Kher
    • March 10th, 2009

    Nimmy,

    The other day somone said that women don’t know how to collate figures.

    I thought of the bankers like Chanda Kochhar, Kalpana Morparia and others. I thought of a mathematician called Shakuntala Devi. How people speak without reflecting, and then repeat the lie to themselves!

  20. /*This is one major reason why marriages last longer in India. If one has to decide weather she wants a longer married life or financial freedom, what would many choose for?*/

    As you are seeing it, how our people are good at relating two different issues and taking a favourable position for them.. Why the two can’t exist together.. It is this patriarchal mindset which has ruined us down and still people were comfortable with this. In addition to men. most of the women were doing like this only.. its really disgusting that they too like this…

    /*Is it not Ironic that such ladies get pissed if their husbands say something against them but happily obey the orders of several strangers at office and even happily listen whatever the crap they say?

    Such women will consider it an attack on their freedom if they are asked to stay for a while in kitchen and serve the family but would happily serve hundreds of men in an airline by giving fake smiles. */

    As I mentioned earlier, my fellow men was opened his heart and write this.. these guys were not ready to give freedom for their wives i.e. their life partners. They want them to serve their family and die.. I dono what kind of culture we are having.. is he never gets pissed off at his office???? will he stop going to office due to that? These male domination is just written into his brain and he will say everything to justify it and never place himself at that position and see it 🙂

  21. Wonderful post Nimmy… 🙂

  22. Why am I not surprised? I have seen men treating women like cattle as if they are just robots and don’t have a mind of their own. Living in a small town in India opened my eyes completely. India still has a long way to go, till then we have to tolerate people who wrote all those comments.
    Happy Women’s day!

  23. Nimmy, I have nothing to add. Your collection has exposed the bigotry in our society. If serving the family is of utmost importance, why don’t you (the guy) learn some cooking and cleaning and help out at home and serve the family along with your wife?

    I was raised by working parents in a nuclear family. My father contributed just as much at home (of course, it helped that he loved cooking, but that’s another matter).

    The comments reek of insecurity to me. That’s all. As Amit says, we have long long way to go.

    Thanks for the post!

    ———————————-

    Welcome SS/IC 🙂 Interesting name 🙂

    Yes,they are classic examples of bigotry of people from the cross section of our society..Yeah..a long long long way to go.. Do come again ..You ahve an interesting blog,but i need to register before I could comment 😦 -Nimmy

    • Actually, we have met before, Nimmy. First on Nita’s blog and then on my other blog India Crumbs (hence IC), which I have been very irregular with, unfortunately 😦 Hope to get back to resurrecting it, once again 🙂
      You have powerful blog here.
      And yes, would love to see you on BlogHer.com

    • sshama
    • March 24th, 2009

    I think everyone here have got confused between education and feminism. What the writer is disagreeing with is the so called western concept of women’s liberation or feminism. He is trying to expose the undercover shortcomings of ‘feminism’ He didnt speak women should be barred from education. I think we need to separate the two issues and think objectively.

    • Feminism
    • April 5th, 2009

    Yes,feminism does ruin families.You,just need to see the west.A reverse trend is going on for a complete collapse of family,what with 40% children born out of wedlocks,60% divorces,Homosexuality encouraged n giving preference but domestic voilence and rape has not reduced,it has increased more.And this did not happen overnight,this was socially engineered and the propaganda is being sold to other countries.
    This site henrymakow.com opened my eyes,you won’t read this in the mainstream news.

  1. March 8th, 2009
  2. March 21st, 2009

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