Three questions on marital life…

1. What will you do when your partner says that he/she made a wrong choice,by selecting you as his/her partner?

2.What will you do when your partner says that he/she finds more peace of mind when you are away?

3.What will you do when your partner says that you are the cause of all issues/fights at home?


p.s :The questions bear no resembelence to me or my life .I just want to know how different people deal with life differently…


Good day to all..

  1. One answer : Please pack your bags and leave, this is my house πŸ™‚

      • Nimmy
      • June 13th, 2009

      πŸ™‚ Thatz a quick yet immature answer,isn’t it ???

  2. Err… Then, he/she are not right for each other.
    Separation is the only option!

      • Nimmy
      • June 13th, 2009

      Pixie,I don’t belive that people are made for each other..Two different people just cop up with other’s likes and dislikes..

      • Nimmy thats a very sad reason for being together…

        the only reason two people should be together is that they find each others company pleasing and vital to their own mental well being. If not they should move away.

  3. Well, try to talk it out? Figure out what is wrong and see if things can be improved? And if nothing works – separate?

  4. Even the most loving couples say such things at times to hurt the spouse esp. when they are angry. So first it needs to be seen when this was said. If it was said between a tiff then apologies will follow and it is up to people on how they deal with it at the moment.

    1. If any of these accusations/talks are followed with physical abuse then time to seriously think about the worth of staying in such a marriage. Verbal abuse is also hurting but in many cases it is an immediate response to win an argument or a tiff. Many couple forgets it in couple of hours and that is if couples are actually in love. If they resent each other already then these words will only hurt further and worsen relationship.

    2. There are times when even the lovey-dovies need some alone time. Sticking to each other 24/7 because one is married is actually boring. Every individual need some individual time. But again that depends on when and how that was said.

    3. Again I would repeat what I said above. If it is said to win a tiff then the feeling will go away in couple of hours. But if it is how he/she thinks about the spouse all the time then that is a sign that the couple don’t get along anymore and relationship has soured beyond repair. In that case separation or separation along with working on the relationship could work. If nothing then parting ways is the best option. That way both will be at peace.

    • I agree with you Solilo…If the statements were made in the heat of the moment, then apologies and discussion are needed but if they were true, then the only alternative would be to separate…It’s a no brainer…Only a loser would hang around…

      • I concur…

        when in an argument most people forget sensibilities and just try to win the debate…

        In anger a lot of people say a lot of things to each other…

        Strangely when a brother tells a brother or a sis tells to a sis that you made my life hell they can easily make up the next day… but when its a husband and a wife… it just suddenly becomes different…

        it all depends on when the above lines are said… Most of the times in anger we say a lot of things which we regret later…

  5. Solilo!! we were all looking for you at Hitchy’s place!!

  6. 1- Do nothing, just laugh off at his foolishness of having selected me and then having enough foolishness to tell me that.
    2-If he finds more peace when you are away, even better. Give him even more peace so he would remember you as the giver and be all the more grateful.
    3-I would say, great. THere have been events that were the immediate cause of world wars, and here I am, cause of all issues at home. What a parallel. Maybe do a dance jig at that.
    Well Nimms, we all say this to our spouses in one way or the other. Big Deal! But of course if the fight is serious, the spouses know, then it is for them to find real solutions.

  7. Sounds more like martial life to me.
    I know that married people argue. And arguments can become hurtful. But some lines are never crossed. Spouses who cross the lines- saying stuff like this- well this aint a marriage.

  8. I donno how I would answer them once Im married. But as of now :

    1. Say “Heyy, Same pinch” (and then pinch the partner real hard) πŸ˜€

    2. Say “Im finding more peace when Im away too. This is fun, isnt it?” πŸ˜€

    3. Say “There are fights in the family. Finally, god is listening to my prayers” πŸ˜‰

    • πŸ˜†
      Vimmuu’s answer wins an award! πŸ˜€

    • ROFL!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      But I’d like to know what u answer once u are married though!! At that time I m sure u will say u have amnesia and u dont remember writing this!

  9. So I will ask my partner’s suggestion on what can be the next step to be taken.. hope that gives some peace to her.. πŸ™‚

  10. Nimmy,
    the answer depends on the seriousness in which the lines are uttered.
    If it is done in a regular fight when both the couples say such things to each other, then its fine.
    But, if the things are really bad, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it would be better to pack your bags and leave.

  11. I feel otherwise. When there was a management meeting at our office, one fresher was asked how she felt about the job – she said she was very happy with it. Immediately the senior next to her told her that she ought to find the job challenging, and hence say accordingly. I think that is an important point – We need to accept that no two people can have the same interests and may not find happiness in the same activities. In fact, I feel more the differences, the better – They can compliment each other. But to answer your question – I would say that I have done my job as a good husband or good wife by not keeping you happy all the time. Fights and dis-agreements are very much required for a healthy relationship. Only then we can look at the issue in all the angles (even the angles that we had ignored earlier). But if the spouse says that he/she is at the same level and not able to grow(professionally, personally, anything), then I would say it is time to re-think. But that decision should not be based on happiness or happiness alone.

    Destination Infinity

  12. If these lines are said repeatedly, then it means the marriage has serious problems. The only solution is to talk it out and ask WHY?? And if this doesn’t work, then see a counselor. I think its important to talk things out instead of hoping the problems will go away. The problems in fact might, but the words can remain in one’s heart and mind and these need to go away too.

  13. if that was said in a fit of anger,during a fight or something then i wudnt give it too much weightage..but if he actually ment those words, then i wud obviously be heart broken…i donno wat i’d do really… may be try to fix wats wrong…

    • thegoriwife
    • June 16th, 2009

    I would say make an appointment with a marriage counselor right away! It’s foolish to throw away a life together unless you at least first try to make things work. Really try. Hard! But these are terribly hurtful things for someone to say to their spouse, and it would be a difficult hurdle for me, personally.

  14. Check- was this said out of anger? Then, give eachother more space for few days. am sure if they are loving and understanding couple, will not be able to stay like this for long….

    Check- is this repetative, with lot of hurt, abuse? Go away for sometime… sure things will cool and take a check….

    hmmm…..Personally I will never be able to leave Hubby and go away, even if he says such things to me…when we fight, i just take a break from our routine and we get back to each other..:)))

  15. 1. What will you do when your partner says that he/she made a wrong choice,by selecting you as his/her partner?
    Should try to change ourselves thinking of when the partner felt i am right choice…Like first date or during marriage.

    2.What will you do when your partner says that he/she finds more peace of mind when you are away?
    I will let her be alone for a week than will be back ..

    3.What will you do when your partner says that you are the cause of all issues/fights at home?
    I will accept it ..

  16. 1. What will you do when your partner says that he/she made a wrong choice,by selecting you as his/her partner?

    Maybe ask what made him say that. But take such statements with a pinch of salt, don’t allow it to hurt because sometimes these things are said in anger without really meaning it, sometimes just to hurt or to convey general displeasure.
    But if the person is saying it very seriously maybe you should also consider if you feel the same way. And let him know that.

    2.What will you do when your partner says that he/she finds more peace of mind when you are away?

    Again ask why, maybe leave the person alone in peace if required. Some space in relationships is not bad. But also consider if perhaps the person has a habit of blaming others for most problems…

    3.What will you do when your partner says that you are the cause of all issues/fights at home?

    Give it a serious thought. Ask a third person (not his family) – some close friend for unbiased opinion. If the fights involve more than just the couple, then that’s another issue. Generally it is difficult to imagine all fights and issues being caused by only one partner, unless this partner is very dominating or violent.

  17. The 3 statements make it clear that the marriage is in serious trouble So the partners should be ready for a long open un inhibited talk Adjustments and realism is required to save marriages If not working out a counsellor’s help can be sought

  18. @ Q-1 —I don’t believe there is any ideal match or something like that.It is up to us to make our match ideal.i will ask her for some time to prove her that, i’m not a wrong choice πŸ™‚
    @ Q 2 & 3 —I will try to make her understand that,as we r humans,we can’t be perfect and lets understand our limitations and try to adjust and forgive each other πŸ™‚
    I’m against anger,short temper and shouting

      • Nimmy
      • June 23rd, 2009

      Oh my God,this is unbelievable..I am reading your blog on one tab and here you are,commenting on my blog.. πŸ™‚ Cool..

        • anishthomas
        • June 23rd, 2009

        lol πŸ™‚ …coincidence πŸ˜€

    • Priyanka
    • June 25th, 2009

    These are pretty harsh statements, I can’t imagine my hubby saying them even during a fight. And if a person does say these things, then its time to give each other some space. Being away for a while helps to think with a clear mind.

    • cutesourire
    • January 5th, 2010

    no relationship is perfect, it has to be made perfect.If the statements were said in anger, i think the partner can be forgiven.we all make mistakes.But if such sparring is a recurring event, one has to seriously consider about continuing this marriage.

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