..Of girls’s education and marrying off them early….

This post is purely fictional and bears no resemblence with any characters dead or alive..

 

Last day,somebody told me so and so…

 

A: Girls should be married off by the age of 18-19..

Me:Err,isn’t that too early ..

A:Early? not at all..Bcoz by 20+,they will start making their own choices and will have own opinions

Me :So?

A: So? So ,parents should marry off girls before they start having firm opinions and start making decisions for themselves

Me :But isn’t it their life? Moroever,when we marry off them too early,how can they complete their eductaion?How can they have their career?

A: Ha,what is the need for girls to have so much education.The role of women in a society to make a good family and bring up kids in a good way .

Me :Of course that too is important,but it amazes me that a 21st century human being is saying that girls needn’t have much education..

A:All this ‘men-women equality and stuff is bullshit. Women cannot be equal to men.

Me:I never said that they are equal..Both are different on their own ways,but that doens’t mean that they weigh different in the balance of nature

A:Let me tell you an eg. Last day,there was an accident nearby,when a lady bumped into a sccooter-wala and he died..The lady was admitted to mental hospital for weeks..Have you ever heard of a man being mentally unstable just because he met with an accident?you women are silly and emotionally weak ,and let me remind you,they are physically weak since ages..

Me :You are generalizing,thatz not fair..

A:Ok,let me tell you something.What if I sent my daughter to study medicine.Obviously,by the time she passes out,she will be 24 yrs and so,and she will not accept proposals from any men on a lower grade than doctors themselves.

Me :whatz wrong in that? Its fine that a Doctor is looking out for a Doctor..

A:Its ok with her,but not for me,as I have find Crores of money for her dowry.

Me :Look out for boys who don’t ask dowry.

A:Such people exist only in theory.In pracitise,all people ask for dowry,and when it comes to higher grade boys ,as like Doctors,they ask for loads of gold and money..So tell me,should I let my daughter become a doctor and finally spoil my life in the name of her dowry,or should i marry off her to an average man,at the age mentioned earlier,when she is not so firm in her choices and opinions..On another note,there is no need for lady doctors..

Me: **faints** What??”No need for lady doctors”..

A::Yes,tell me what is the problem if there are male doctors alone? Afterall women are weak enough not to enter areas like surgery and such complicated stuff..Tell me how many efficent female surgeons and anesthesists have you seen or heard?

Me: Well,are you saying that there needn’t be female gynecologists too?A:Thats the only area where women can empathize with fellow patients..But even in that field,there isn’t a compulsory need. Labour and Cecarian will be fine in men’s hands too

Me : **girns** not knowing what to say..

A: coming back to the topic,i still stand by what i said,” Girls needn’t study much and should be married off early”..

Me :Err,this is complicated..But it is wrong that you dump her into somebody’s head even when she is immature to undertstand right and wrong in life..Moreover,if she is educated,if some problee happens in marriage life,she can stand in her own,instead of running back and crying in front of parents.

A:You are wrong.In real time,it is the educated girls who come back to families,while the other end girls move on with their life,rather than shouting for divorce and such.

Me :So,in the end,it is your happiness and not your daughter’s happiness that matters.. Ok fine,marry off your girl at 18,so that she will always be unable to resist the injustice that may happen and let her be a door mat..**sigh**

A::You are wrong,good girls will find happiness where they go..

Me : I am glad I met you ..goodbye..

 

Moral of the story :Don’t argue with people who have pre-conceived notions..You will end up being labelled arrogant and outspoken…

p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they?

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  1. 😀 😀 😀

    • Most certainly… always gauge the intelligence level of the person… if he is higher than us… we might as well talk about the weather or food and get away….

      really…

      • Nimmy
      • October 8th, 2009

      hoo hoo..you are first evreywhere…Are you on reader 24/7 ???????????

      • today last day… from tomorrow I wont be first anywhere.,.. sigh..

        ————–

        Hey hey..why did you say like that???? -Nimmy

    • masood
    • October 7th, 2009

    Aah..I’ve had similar conversations tons of times…

    Somethings can never change! And yes, you are right. It is next to impossible to have conversation with people who have such strong preconceived notions of their own

  2. First of all, A big thanks for this p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they? My respect for you has just been manifolded. This is sooooo much missing in blogsphere.The moment you bring any topic with reference to a discussion with someone else, people start targetting that person itself.We forget it’s the thought not the person, who is wrong.

    Secondly, I would say even if people have some pre-conceived notions, not all of them are equally dogmatic. You can change some one.And even if I am being tagged arrogant 5 times, and in 1/5 time I am able to change someone(or rather his/her thoughts), it is worth being called arrogant.What do you say?

    And I had written a post exactly on the similar topic, you might want to read if time permits.Thanks.

    http://thoughtfrominside.blogspot.com/2009/09/women-education-how-much-it-can-do.html

  3. Did you travel back in time? Do have a time machine??
    This is the conversation from the previous century right??:)

  4. Thought I’ll share this here

  5. It is shocking, isn’t it, to meet people with views like this, in today’s world. Basically what they want is for a girl to remain dependent so that there is one less parameter for them to consider. What if a girl starts to think that she has a say in her marriage? Goodness! The sky would fall in! Or what if the girl protests if she is being abused? The whole institution of marriage will be under threat. So marry them off before they are old enough to fend for themselves!

    Though I have to say, things are changing, a lot of people have started understanding that a woman needs to be capable of standing on her own feet. And that for a girl to be independent is no bad thing. But then people like this do exist, but I think slowly they will change too.. Atleast their next generation will.

  6. Ohh I have had those conversations with so many people I have even lost the count.. Sometimes, some people just give me examples of how happy they are because they got married at a young age and had kids within a year of marriage and so their kids have grown old soon and so their kids can also get married young and so their responsibilities are over soon!

    All I can do is listen to them and wonder how these people think its good in anyway! Some of these women don’t even know how to manage their homes in the absence of their husband. All they know is how to bargain with the sabzi vala and they think thats enough in life.

    Its not their fault, its how our society has made them, and unless we change the way our society dwells, this cannot..

  7. Nimmy, a person is ******** even I say it or ignore not. Ignorance with stuborn arrogance is harmful for any person, his/her family and the whole society. Mr. A, you need a cultural shock 🙂 All we need to give them free hand with their pre-conceived notions. Spreading awareness means to argue or kindly remove their prejudices.

    ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’

  8. Sometimes it is better to just smile and nod than argue. I mean you know that someone won’t change their views come whatever may then why waste our energy. Then when time comes do something exactly the same that irritates them. 🙂

    In many cases though what that lady said also has a point ONLY because our society is conditioned that way. I mean not everyone has the guts to stand up against the set norms and set an example.

    I think we have our chance and hope we can be at least a drop in the ocean.

  9. awh! c’mon nimmy,
    i am not allowed to criticize a “fictional personality who bear no resemblance to characters dead or alive” ?? 😉
    ok. then, let’s not hurt your fictitious him/her!

    I’ll agree with hitchwriter for the time being and would rather discuss the weather.
    so, is it still raining there?

  10. hope there are not many people around with such thoughts… thats all I can wish 🙂

  11. ok. I respect you more now.
    But, trying NOT to say anything about the person in question is proving to be difficult! 😀

    So, I will agree with Hitchy, Soli and Smithus here and keep quiet.

    😀

  12. But for that P.S Nimmy 😦 okie, thanks for that 😛

    Hats off to ur patience Nimmy! I wud be fuming and the person would hv run for life 😛

    Better to leave some ppl with their thoughts I agree, but I so feel for the girls who hv such parents 😦 If all our parents thought so, we wudn’t be what we r today 😦

    R girls born to be only wife, mother etc.. and nt individuals 😦

  13. Agree with Hitchy et. al. Lips sealed!! 😛

    • Nimmy
    • October 8th, 2009

    @Hitchy.. 🙂

    @Masood.. @Mustaf..@Praveen..@Smitha..@Rohini..@Yayaver..@solilo..@Idiot of Indian Origin..@Bones…@kkanagu..@Pixie…@swaram…@Amrutha…

    Thanks a alot for sharing your thoughts..Of course I agree that there is wrong in his/her side..But what about her/his refernces to dowry issues.. Isn’t that a reality and an issue too? When she/he says that an educated girl’s marriage will plunge the family into misery,what is the crux of the issue?

    Also,when he/she says that ,”an educated girl makes her own choices and choose to run away with some boy from some random community,thereby bringing shame to the whole family” ,and “Why should I buy such rick at the cost of my own money? If she wants to study,let her study after her marriage”..

    Alos,I heard that Masjid Imams are advicing people/parents not to sent their daughters to far away places in the name of studies,and especially to stay away from nursing..Stereotyping,I know..But who is responsible to have ended up it all this way?

    Sorry for not replying personally..I am bit busy these days…

    Good day to all 🙂

    • To get a suitable bride groom for an educated bride from the marriage market may be not that easy or cheap. As the girl is allowed to study and is given an opportunity to earn for herself it may be better if she could find on her own her life partner. I feel it is always better to tell your point of view even on deaf ears just to make them aware that there are other point of views

      • “I feel it is always better to tell your point of view even on deaf ears just to make them aware that there are other point of views.” Well said Charakan..

        • “I feel it is always better to tell your point of view even on deaf ears just to make them aware that there are other point of views” I agree with Charakan too, Nimmy. Thanks for letting me give my point of view on my blog…

      • ” As the girl is allowed to study and is given an opportunity to earn for herself it may be better if she could find on her own her life partner.”

        Thatz more bigger problem to these people because chances rae that girl will find a boy outside the religion or sub-caste,and probably of lower status than the girl’s family..

        In between the conversation,A asked me, “Am i to pledge my family’s honour just because i let her study and have a career and job and finally she choose to ran away with some random boy”.. 🙂

  14. don’t argue that way…its useless to talk to these creatures…And well you shouldn’t care if they think you are rude blah blah either..leave them to be..the problem arises when such people start ruling us….

    The best way to deal with them is to show things..they don’t get the fact that their notion is as theoretical as any around 🙂

    • and yes, I didn’t look at the P.S: Sorry to call that person a creature 😛 Of course there is no right and wrong as such, it is a matter of perception..what is important is that our perception takes us ‘forward’ or towards our goals…in our age and time, such thoughts would mean deceleration of the society…and again what we define as education is important, if we mean it in the broader sense, inc. spiritual awareness, social awareness etc, then without it we are as human as we are when we lived in the cave ages 🙂

      ———–

      “what is important is that our perception takes us ‘forward’ or towards our goals…in our age and time, such thoughts would mean deceleration of the society”..well said Vichu…-Nimmy

  15. It is frustating that, in this cyber century also these kinda morons exist.There is no point in arguiing with them.When they say something stupid like this, just smile at them and find someother person for conversation and avoid him\her (that is what i usualy do).

  16. You mean this actually happened? Till your last sentence I though you were making this up and was about so say that it’s a tad too unrealistic!

    There are moments when words fail you – when you’re so stunned you don’t know where to start. I feel a bit like that right now.

  17. Unfortunately this is proved wrong everyday…

    Long-lasting marriages depend on compatibility and suitability.

    Also happiness in marriage depends on both the partners. No amount of goodness will make an abusive man stop mentally or physically battering his wife.

    Greed, violence, lack of consideration, cruelty etc cannot be cured by goodness. This can be somewhat controlled by endless supply of dowry and/or fear of consequences.

    Parenting is a serious responsibility. Teaching a girl not to complain is convenient for parents, but it is also irresponsible. Daughters should be able to find ways to solve their problems and also take responsibility for their decisions. Guiding them and helping them achieve this is the parents’ responsibility and duty.

  18. You learnt the moral of the lesson well 🙂

    there is a saying in malayalam which roughly translated means: “is there any point reciting sholas to a charging bull?”
    😀 😀 😀 i hope i made my point clear…

  19. @Bhagwad..welcome here 🙂 This is very much realistic..errr fictional..I don’t know..I am just afraid whether the person will read the blog.. I don’t intend personal criticising ..

    @Ashwathy..ha ha,your point is very much clear 😉

    @IHM,so true and perfectly said.. These days parents are lazy and don’t want to burdened by their kids…

    @Anish..thatz not possible..I see him/her everyday ..ha ha 🙂

  20. OMG Nimmy I didn’t know the lunatic asylums were filled with ‘weak’ women only!! ROTFLOL. It reminded me of the time I heard a man complaining that the previous week he had spent a lot of money because a woman driver had hit his scooter. Of course the mechanic would have charged him less if it had been an accident caused by a male driver! 😉
    Though I laugh, it makes my blood boil reading the above. Like someone has written above, I’d like to ask, ‘you travelled back in time, right??’ But I know you haven’t. I know such people exist all around us. Makes me wish there was some easy way ‘reason’ could be distributed, or some sort of hammer existed whereby such closed minds could be cracked open to let some fresh air blow in.
    I met a lady recently who said she was in a hurry looking for a boy for her daughter because she said the girl would soon start thinking independently!! How can standing on one’s feet and thinking independently be spoken of as some bad trait by one’s own parents?? Has me baffled what they want for their daughters!!

    • Ahsan
    • October 14th, 2009

    Stumbled on this while actually googling for a frypan pizza :S … teh odds of that!

    I never really got the whole concept of lets marry a girl off when she’s too young. Ive seen many a friends lives ruined because of this. Married off early to men much older and they are just pretty much stuck looking after them with no real ambitions personally. I call it a forced marriage. They cant call it off cus of ridicule in the family … so they are pretty much stuck as slaves (mentally atleast … honestly I wouldnt want to be stuck with some woman I dont know, dont get along with, have a huge difference in mindset as well as age and whatnot … not my whole friggin life no way!)

    Studying too much might be the only valid point if the future plans are not to actually work. And by too much, I refer to Masters and further studies.

    Such people of the “marry off early” thinking still exist. Their philosophy is that when the girl grows up, she gets independent and finds a boy for herself and gets married on her own. In the mind of the parents, who apparently are “Always right”, the said boy will be a flirt, who wont be serious in life and a lousy person in general because apparently the hardworking dont really get into actual relationships before marraige. Thats the general mindset of the people who get their daughters married early (as said above).

    What really I dont get it is … how … h-o-w … can anyone ELSE decide who one should be spending their whole LIVES with!

  21. AMAZING POST NIMI!! Can’t agree more…Especially he Moral, trust me I completely follow it… can nevr match my views with my family andend up feeling SICK…so better not argue with suc ppl…They will never come out of the narow lane their minds live from ages!!!! THEY WIN!!!

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