Archive for the ‘ Psycology ’ Category

Biting nails;Biting fungus and dirt!

How many of you bite your nails? Sadly I am an occasional nail-biter.. eeeww,what a name,”nail-biter”. Though not an addict, I am aware of myself having such a disgusting habit. I have seen many people biting nails religiously, with all concentration and content. Just thought of digging more into it and have a random post!

 

Nail biting also known clinically as chronic onychophagia, is a compulsive habit of biting ones fingernails or toenails during periods of nervousness, stress, hunger or even boredom. It can also be a sign of a mental or emotional disorder Nail biting is usually described as a common stress-relieving habit. Nail biting is more common in boys. 

 

 

Nail biting is a common habit that starts from an early age. It occurs in all ages, but the most common age for starting is early teens. Statistic’s show that 28% to 33% of children aged 7-10 years old, 44% of adolescents, 19% to 29% of young adults and 5% of older adults bite their nails. It is most common in boys . The side affects are unattractive and can cause embarrassment, bad grooming, unattractive hands or feet, sores and redness around the area of the nail. In more extreme cases the sufferer would be prone to get mouth infections from bacteria or germs under the nail being transferred from the nail to the mouth, or oral disease’s being transferred into the broken skin around the area of the nail causing infection and swelling.

 

Nail biting according to behavioral psychologists is an operant conditioned habit. This would be a behavior that the person can physically control. As all behavior’s are learned they can be unlearned. Stress is believed to be the culprit in common anxiety outlets. But some researchers believe there’s a genetic component involved, while others claim the habits are learned. Nail biting and hair pulling may trigger calming sensors in the nervous system. Such activities may look painful to an outsider, but children can feel a sense of relief in response to internal nervous-system turmoil.

 

Devoted nail biters can achieve top grades, have satisfying friendships and happily continue their habit into adulthood with no serious consequences other than cosmetic appearance. Parents should consider professional help when a repetitive, self-destructive behavior begins to interfere with normal functioning

 

  

While normally the activity of nail biting would be considered harmless to a person’s health, there are many things that go along with nail biting that can make it a very serious problem. Inflammation of the tissues adjacent to the nail, that is usually accompanied with infection that may cause pus to occur.  Many people who get this type of infection must have surgery to correct the problem. Severe nail biting makes the roots of the teeth in 13-15 year olds shorter due to excess pressure, and also such problems as bleeding cuticles and red, irritated skin.

 

  • “Don’t nag”. This is the first step in dealing with children who display anxious habits such as hair twirling, nail biting or knuckle cracking. A better choice is to offer incentives for stopping or to teach the child an alternative behavior
  • A popular method to stop nail-biting is the Nail File Technique: Buy 50 cheap nail files and scatter them everywhere you work and play. When a rough edge begins to bother you, grab a file and sand the nail smooth. People rarely bite or pick at nails with smooth edges
  •  The best way I know to stop nail-biting, however, is to grow nails and keep them beautiful. It worked for me!
  • Also,everytime you get nails into your mouth,remember that you are gulping tons of fungus,virus,bacteria and what not..***faints***

 

Get educated as to get abused more!

Now that’s a contradictory statement, isn’t it? I had always been deluded into the notion that domestic violence happens with those women who are less educated, who have low self-esteem and are intimidated to seek help. Sadly, the fact tells it otherwise. Contradicting the notion that domestic violence is primarily a problem afflicting the socially marginalized, it is found that women with higher education are up to 50 percent more likely to fall victim to violence.

 

 

Violence against women is an issue throughout the world. But every community adds its own dimensions to perpetuate the violence. Cultural evils like dowry demands, social evils like alcoholism, patriarchy and its stereotypes add as fuel to make the situation more pathetic. Much has been discussed about domestic violence on various levels of society. Domestic violence being a broad topic, with different issues as causes, dealing with it, consequences and like,I’ld like to focus on correlation between level of education and rate of abuse.

 

 

Talk of domestic violence usually conjures up images of poor, illiterate women, unaware of their rights and economically dependent on their husbands for survival. In a recent study that examined domestic abuse in Egypt, Chile, India, and the Philippines, the evidence shows that domestic violence knows no boundaries of race, class, or geography. What surprised some was that in India, the higher a woman’s education the more likely it is that she will be abused.

 

 

“Kumud Sharma of the Centre for Women’s Development Studies in New Delhi traced the correlation between education and domestic violence to patriarchal attitudes. “Educated women are aware of their rights,” she said. “They are no longer willing to follow commands blindly. When they ask questions, it causes conflicts, which, in turn, leads to violence. In many Indian states, working women are asked to hand over their paycheck to the husband and have no control over their finances. So, if they stop doing so or start asserting their right, there is bound to be friction.”

Domestic violence experts say the problem in India stems from a cultural bias against women who challenge their husband’s right to control their behavior. Women who do this—even by asking for household money or stepping out of the house without their permission–are seen as punishable. This process leads men to believe their notion of masculinity and manhood is reflected to the degree to which they control their wives.”

 

The reasons include neglecting children, going out without telling partner, arguing with partner, refusing to have sex, not preparing food properly or on time and talking with other men!

 

 

Education is hardly the key to fight this menace. Educated women also keep quiet about being physically abused. sometimes it’s for the children, sometimes they make excuses for their husbands and other times they think they brought it on themselves, some just are too embarrassed to talk about it because it deprives them from the little self esteem they have left.  

 

 

Although men’s preoccupation with controlling their wives declines with age–as does the incidence of domestic violence–researchers found that the highest rates of domestic violence were among highly educated men. Thirty-two percent of men with zero years of education and 42 percent men with one-to-five years of education reported domestic violence. Among men with six-to-10 years of education–as well as those with high-school education and higher–this figure increased to 57 percent.

 

 

Around two-third of married women in India were victims of domestic violence .Noting that women with tangible economic assets were less likely to be victims of domestic violence than those who lack them, the report cited Kerala as an example.

“In Kerala, a survey found that 49 per cent women without property reported domestic violence compared with only seven per cent who owned property,”

 

 

The survey says that women in several countries justify wife-beating for one reason or another. Some say the biggest problem is convincing the women that they do not deserve abuse.” Most women who face domestic violence think it’s a normal part of their life, it’s a part of being a wife, daughter or a sister in law,” says Manjima Bhattacharya, who works for Jagori, a group that uses music and theatre to spread awareness about domestic violence.

 

 

The consequences of gender-based violence are devastating, including life-long emotional distress, mental health issues and poor reproductive health. The adverse effects of domestic violence do not end with these or other health consequences for women alone; what makes domestic violence particularly insidious is its intergenerational effects. Children of mothers who have been abused have higher mortality rates, lower immunization rates, and in some countries are more likely to be undernourished than children of mothers who have not experienced domestic violence. There is also consistent evidence for additional disheartening intergenerational effects: Compared with children of mothers who have not been abused, female children of abused mothers are more likely to be abused as adults, and male children of abused mothers are more likely to be abusers as adults.

 

 

Hitting or abusing happens when there is no compassion in the relationship. Men and women need to learn to respect each other, understand that there is a certain way that the other needs to be treated. And perhaps more importantly, men and women need to learn how important self-respect is! Understand that you deserve respect, that you deserve to be treated a certain way, and you will never tolerate abuse. Perhaps then, more cases of abuse will be reported, and in turn, incidences of domestic violence can be curbed.

 

 

Second option would be communication – another solution to a lot of problems. Whatever the apple of discord, there is always a peaceful way of settling things. Talking things through usually clears up a lot of misconceptions and avoids an ugly mess. Unfortunately, in India, we believe in action and not in words… and for all the wrong reasons!

 

 

P.S:

·     I am aware of the fact that there are few bad women out there who misuse their rights, just for instance misuse of anti-dowry law in India. But only because a small percentage gets it wrong, the other majority is not bound to be burdened with the blame.

·     Not only women, men also get victimised.Either way, there isn’t any justification for abusing your spouses. They are not punching bags to vent out your ego frustrations.

 

 

Courtesy

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2946760.stm

http://yle.fi/news/id98725.html

http://www.childinfo.org/attitudes.html

http://www.prb.org/Articles/2004/DomesticViolenceinDevelopingCountriesAnIntergenerationalCrisis.aspx

 

 

 

Holding hands..for a lifetime.

“The spaces between your fingers were created so that another’s could fill them in”.This quote had always remained my favorite.Ever wondered about the depth of message they convey!

 

To hold someone’s hand is to offer them affection,protection or comfort.It is a way to communicate and telling them silently “I am here,with you..”Holding hands remains a sign of intimacy between friends and lovers,couples and family,keeping two people together as they navigate the world around them.People hold hands for several reasons such as; a gesture of friendship ,or of love;acknowledgment of one’s presence or as sign of respect as in a handshake;a part of religious service or ritual;to enjoy physical contact;for emotional support;to guide ,as with a child , a blind person ,or an elderly;to urge someone to follow,to dance and on many more instances..

 

The symbolic meaning of holding hands varies for different cultures and gender. A personal relationship that does not involve any sexual behavior, e.g. friendship, may also involve physical intimacy.  In western culture it is often more among female than among male friends; the latter may want to avoid associations with  homosexuality. In other cultures, such as Arab culture, men may hold hands with no implication of homosexuality.Many East Asian cultures typically encourage relatively little body contact between friends, acquaintances, and members of the same sex. Even among family members and spouses, traditionally, there are fewer public displays of affection.

 

A man and a woman who are friends may avoid physical intimacy to avoid associations with sexuality or emotional intimacy, in order not to appear to be in a relationship. This is especially true if one or both of them is already in a relationship with another person.

 

Physical closeness may also be involuntary, as in a crowded train or elevator.Every touch is not with sexual intention.I wonder why some people seem to view the world only through their own glasses.That’s gross.

 

Hand holding depends on the relationship established with the person whose hand is being held and their willingness to accept the intended gesture based upon their understanding of its origin and significance.Some people are more into public displays of affection than others,as some avoid much touching in public and will avoid it for their own reasons,even if they are quite intimate and loving in private.Sometimes,holding hands can be an aggressive gesture of sign of control or dominance in a relationship.If a man grabs a woman’s hands and drags her along behind him,this may not be a much of gesture of closeness,but a gesture of dominance..

 

To add,the dream interpretation of ‘holding hands’ is given as “Holding hands or other positive interaction with hands can represent good will or affection that you feel towards someone, that you believe someone feels towards you, or you wish you were receiving.”

 

Nonsexual touch and other signs of affection strengthens your marriage relationships,creating a comforting and calming atmosphere in your home,builds more trust between the two of you,and deepens your intimacy with one another.A research of 16 marrried woemn who scored high on marriage-satisfaction inventory showed that simply holding their husband’s hand eased both physical sign of stress and their brain’s responses to pain.For all these reasons,I love to hold my husband’s hands when we go outside.I feel a feel of security and comfort.(but I think he is bit embarassed about it).Holding your parents hands when they are in stress will do wonders on relieving their stress.Hold your sister’s or brother’s hands when you cross road,see them smile at you lovingly and read their eyes telling you “Thank you for being there”.During college days,I had many many friends whom I could hold hands and could lean upon their shoulders and take a deep breath to hear their heart’s wishper “I am here for you Nimmy”..Those moments are treasured deep inside my heart and nothing on earth and heaven above can take its place..

 

When was it the last time you held you dear ones hands and said silently “I care for you,and I am here for you no matter what”.Time will not wait for me and you.Before you lose your loved ones,tell them how much they mean to you and make yours and theirs day a wonderful one.Good luck!!

Rate your fear of intimacy

An intimate experience is one of the cherished moments of your life. Nothing else can be more fantastic than sharing your deepest thoughts with the person you love the most. “Fear of intimacy”,a common term referred to  in failing relationships.Ever wondered why it matters so much?Well,I personally believe that a relationship is all about intimacy,and fear of intimacy ruins the basic fulfillment and no beautiful and long-lasting bonds can be developed over such a fragile foundation.It is hard for most of us to believe that if someone else REALLY knows us, they will still love us.

 

Intimacy is communicating your true thoughts and feelings;fear of intimacy involves emotional walls.Intimacy in relationships involves sharing what you really think,believe and feel.It’s about opening upyour heart and mind,and lettng others do the same.It’s risky,which is why fear of intimacy often develops.Intimacy is very risky. It requires making such a serious commitment to the relationship that each person will experience a sense of dependency on the other.Even if you love someone who loves you back wholeheartedly and vows to never hurt you,you’re taking a risk.But as potentially risky as loving is not-loving is worse.

 

When you now what you fear,you’re in a better position to deal with it.Openingyour heart and letting go of your fears can be difficult.But you’ve to when it becomes inevitable in making the relationship a beautiful one.Fear of intimacy can be overcome only when the dread of rejection is removed.The strongest foundation of an intimate relationship is a good friendship.Ask yourself questions like ‘what stops me being more intimate in my relationships’ and rapidly move to ‘what will happen when I am able to be more intimate in my relationships?’.The answer you find yourself you open up windows and let bliss flow in.

 

Always remember that not everyone can express their feelings well.If you want,then you can practice on being more intimate.However,there is no way you can change the people you love.While we cannot change others,we can encourage them to express themselves.It is important to let them know that we won’t reject them,no matter what.Thatz part of trust building we talk about.Encourage openness and honesty.The more we discuss fear of intimacy,the more the other person may open up.Overcoming fear of intimacy requires honesty on both sides.The more both partners open up and embrace each other,the more deeper and intimate the relation will be.Good luck!!

 

 

 

 

How do blind people dream?

An interesting question which never came across my mind..Its worth reading..Note different views.

 

  • The breakdown is as follows:

    There are no visual images in the dreams of those born without any ability to experience visual imagery in waking life.

    Individuals who become blind before the age of five seldom experience visual imagery in their dreams.

    Those who become sightless between the ages of five and seven may or may not retain some visual imagery.

    Most people who lost their vision after age seven continue to experience at least some visual imagery, although its frequency and clarity often fade with time.

  • It is possible for a blind person to know if they can see in a dream, even if blind since birth. It is merely a process of elimination with regard to the five senses.If a person is only blind, then they have four senses: smell, taste, touch, and hearing. These four things they will experience in waking life.If they experience something that is not one of the above, it may be sight.
  •  The same way people with sight ,dream. During REM (Rapid Eye Movement) memories are randomly recalled and put together, and make dreams. So, a blind person’s dreams would be made of randomly recalled memories. This may involve sound and, possibly color. How? Try this: Close your eyes, now take your fingers and press against them. Notice how you can see colors? Well, blind people can expirence that as well. My friend is blind, and autistic, and he often presses on his eyes for that reason. 
  • I’ve heard people born blind dream colors and shapes accompanied with sound and touch. My friend who went blind in her childhood says she dreams like the rest of us and uses the mental pictures of what her friends of family look like to her touch in her dreams. Cool huh, how by touching my face she can make a mental picture of me.
  • Everyone dreams (blind people included) and in general, people’s dream experience is similar to their waking experience. Since they were blind from birth, they do not have a lot of visual stimuli to draw on for their dreams, so they have dreams that are primarily auditory, tactile or even involve taste and smell. People who lose their sight very early (before age five) apparently experience no visual imagery in their dreams. Visual imagery is a variable for those who lose their sight between ages five and seven. People who lose their sight after age seven almost always have some level of visual imagery present in their dreams
  •  People who previously had sight dream of what they saw back then, otherwise, anybody that was born blind dreams in respect to every other sensation: smell, sound, feel, etc. People who previously had sight dream of what they saw back then, otherwise, anybody that was born blind dreams in respect to every other sensation: smell, sound, feel, etc childhood have no visual imagery in their dreams. Instead, they experience a very high percentage of taste, smell, and touch sensations in their dreams.

For further reading,Google is the best choice 🙂