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Hi!!

Hi all, (is anybody listening!!)

“2010/10/02”,last post date…Its been long,really long….

Hope all of you are doing great.

Good day!!

 

Violence against Indian Men-some interesting statistics

 

                      More than 98% of Indian husbands face Domestic violence at least once from their wife on an average 3 Years of Marriage in terms of economical abuse, mental harassment, relationship cheating. More than 22,000 Indian Men have ended their life in reverse dowry Harassment by their wives against 6800 wives who ended their life due to dowry harassment by their husbands.

                       In all the 6800 cases the Indian husbands had been sent behind bars without any investigation and more than 68% found to be innocent, where as in the 22,000 cases only 6 cases had been registered and not a single woman has been questioned as to why their Husbands ended their life, let alone any punishment.

                       More than two-thirds of married Men in India between the ages of 15 and 49 are victims of forced sex by their girlfriends and in more than 78% cases the men had been booked under Rape cases, as they refused to marry their girlfriends.

                       Crime against men is increasing with a Growth rate of 42% in last 5 years, whereas the media and government have never even bothered to disclose the same in front of Public. Sexual harassment and refusal of sex has happened with more than 82% Indian men as their wives refused for physical union at least once in 6 months and 42% have faced once in 3 months

                      Due to lack of social support and legal protection many male victims of domestic abuse are taking their lives every day. Recently, the increasing threat of false cases is also driving many married men to commit suicide.

                     “False cases are severely hampering the personal and professional lives of the most productive section of the Indian population. Aspirations of young men and women are being crushed, and their most fruitful years are being wasted in litigation. Many men have lost their jobs or have had to quit their professions as a result of the never-ending legalized harassment”, said Vikas.

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.Any views friends????

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 Source : http://www.punjabnewsline.com/content/save-indian-family-foundation-opens-patiala-chapter/21754

Expecting the wife or her guardian to provide the dowry or accommodation is a custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah

A fatwa,issued from the supreme council of Islam,Saudi Arabia..

Question :

Its been a customary practice in my locality that during the time of marriage the girls parents build a house for their daughter and that both couples may live in that house.But in future if any problem occurs between husband and wife then the wife could still have her house while the male has no right to claim the house.This system was made lawful in my place to give security for females.

Now that am going to be engaged my Dad said that the fiancee’s family haven’t built a house yet.And dad fears that the fiancee’s parents haven’t come up with good security even for their daughter and he fears in future I might not get a good security from them as well.And dad said he will ask them for the house for both(me and fiancee) to live in.

I said since it is the husband who should give security to his spouse then it is not necessary for the fiancee’s parents to build the house.But i also said if they build it without our own demand let us take it and i said that after reading the following verse of the quran from surah Nisa 004.004 And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.

But in my situation I fear falling into dowry.Please sheikh kindly clear this doubt.Under the circumstance i have said is it right of my father to ask the fiancee’s parents to build the house for the girl so that we both can live in it?

Please reply shiekh for a long time i haven’t got any reply from u. But Allah knows hw busy u are.But please take some time to clear this for me.

Answer(Fatwa) :

Praise be to Allaah.

The dowry (mahr) is a right that the wife has over her husband, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)”

[al-Nisa’ 4:4].

Al-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on him) said: What Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, meant by that is: Give the women their dowries as a gift that is required and obligatory.

And he said: It was narrated that Qataadah said, concerning the words “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”: As an obligation. And it was narrated that Ibn Jurayj said concerning the words “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”: As an obligation that is named (specified). And it was narrated that Ibn Zayd said concerning the words “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”: al-nihlah (translated here as “with a good heart”, in the language of the Arabs, refers to something that is obligatory.

End quote from Tafseer al-Tabari, 4/241.

So it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it, but if the wife takes it and then gives some of it to her husband or gives some of her wealth to him, it is permissible to her to do that, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)”[al-Nisa’ 4:4].

Accommodation is also a right that the wife has over her husband, so he is obliged to provide her with separate accommodation according to his ability; that is part of the maintenance that he is obliged to provide. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them (divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]. If this applies in the case of a woman who is divorced, then providing accommodation for a woman who is still married is more appropriate. Moreover, Allah has enjoined kind treatment between spouses, as stated above. Part of the kind treatment that is enjoined is providing her with accommodation in which she and her wealth will be safe. The wife cannot do without accommodation in order to conceal her from people looking at her and so that she can settle down with her belongings. Hence accommodation is a right that she has over her husband.

The same may be said about accommodation as may be said about the dowry: it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it.

Based on that, if the wife does not give accommodation, there is no room for demanding it from her. You should explain that to your father and not go along with the custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah. Allah has made the man the protector and maintainer of the woman, and one of the reasons for that is that he spends on her.

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisa’ 4:34].

See also the answer to question no. 45527.

And Allah knows best.

Source :  http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/145619

@ Indian Muslims,shame on you…I am 99.9% sure that even the suprememost Muftis and so-called champions of Islam was,is and will be religiously following the evil of dowry,all in the holy name of culture..But when it comes to other areas,like following culture as to chooce women’s attire,they turn away their face against  the very same culture..Then they are bothered about living in India,but following Saudi’s black gown.But for dowry,they are happy and do insisit on living in India and not following Saudi’s (muslims world’s in general) custom of not taking (grabbing) dowry,but instead give meher to wife.

I used to wonder watching the difference between Indian muslims and Arabian muslims(whome I have interacted with closely) ,in their attitude towards born girls and boys..For them, boys means expenditure and girls means revenue…

Image : http://www.islaminworld.com/img/pic5.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3044/2724205292_6857c40f35.jpg

http://www.zawaj.com/weddingways/images/india/kerala_wedding.jpg

BP Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill

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Edited to add:  I am wondering whether the world would have reacted the same proactive way,if the same oil spill had happened not in US,but in some thrid world developing country.If not in US, a rich country,would BP have spent this much amount of money in cleanup and law suits? If not affected in a rich country,would you and me have bothered to the same extent,about those costal flora and fauna?

Big Oil’s real horror was not the spillage, which was common enough, but because it happened so close to the US. Millions of barrels of oil are spilled, jettisoned or wasted every year without much attention being paid.There are more than 2,000 major spillage sites in the Niger delta that have never been cleaned up; there are vast areas of the Colombian, Ecuadorian and Peruvian Amazon that have been devastated by spillages, the dumping of toxic materials and blowouts. Rivers and wells in Venezuela, Angola, Chad, Gabon, Equatorial Guinea, Uganda and Sudan have been badly polluted. Occidental, BP, Chevron, Shell and most other oil companies together face hundreds of outstanding lawsuits. Ecuador alone is seeking $30bn from Texaco.[………]

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I have been closely following the Gulf of Mexico BP oil spill ever sicne it happened..Initaially it seemed interesting on how the whole process is run,later it turned surprising as to how they are dealing with it,but now it has become a dangerous reality,something which both Government and others agencies are not able to deal with.. Today is 30 days since the disastrous blowout and massive spill that occurred on April 20 on BP’s Mississippi Canyon Block 252 well.[…]

The well has been flowing uncontrolled since at a rate that is far in excess of the 5,000 barrels per day claimed by the US Coast Guard, MMS, and BP.The well in question began leaking oil after an explosion occurred on the BP-operated Deepwater Horizon oil rig on April 20, killing 11 workers.After the explosion, oil began spewing out of the undersea gusher, located only 80 kilometres from the Louisiana coast. To date, at least seven million gallons have flowed out of the well, endangering the local environment and economy.

Lately,the authorities are trying to ‘Top-kill’ the oil well.

Top kill strategy

The top kill method involves pumping heavy mud into the spewing well, so that the flow of oil can be stopped. If successful, cement would then be used to cap the well.The same technique has been used to stop leaks in above-ground wells. But it has never been tested 1,500 metres underwater — the same depth where the well is located.

BP officials have put the odds of success at 60 to 70 per cent. But they won’t know for sure until the operation has been active for about 24 hours.”We’re doing everything we can to bring it to closure, and actually we’re executing this top kill job as efficiently and effectively as we can,” said BP Chief Operating Officer Doug Suttles.

There is also a risk that the top kill operation could make the situation worse by causing additional leaks in the undersea well.Anil Kulkarni, a Penn State mechanical engineering professor, said that if the leak “ruptures all over, then it would be even more difficult to close it.”

You can watch Oil spill Live feeds,,top-kill and other operations, from remotely operated vehicles (ROV)here.[ A must watch,just to make you relaize how technology has enabled us to view something LIVE that is happening 5000 feet below sea-level. ]The images, from cameras on remotely-controlled submarines near the sea bed in 5,000 feet of water, are often hard to make out. When the scene clears, you can see the blow-out preventer – the system of valves intended to prevent releases of oil and gas, which failed in the accident – and a plume of drilling “mud” escaping from it.

Sharing some images  ( Pictures belong to those to took pains to click it,and not me..These days I am very much afraid of uploading others snaps,in fear of copyright violations)

BP oil spill shows need for biofuels, developers say

Images COPY-PASTED FROM

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/multimedia/gulfoil/?photos

http://industry.bnet.com/energy/10004233/bp-oil-spill-exclusive-last-four-minutes-of-the-deepwater-horizon-rig/?tag=shell;content

Edited to add :

BP officials, who along with government officials created the impression early in the day that the strategy was working, disclosed later that they had stopped pumping the night before when engineers saw that too much of the drilling fluid was escaping along with the oil.

It was the latest setback in the effort to shut off the leaking oil, which federal officials said was pouring into the gulf at a far higher rate than original estimates suggested.[………]

Women in Management-Moving ahead by being assertive

Yet another HR assignment 🙂 Hope You won’t find it boring..

Women in Management-Moving ahead by being assertive

Introduction

The past several decades have brought enormous changes that have in turn shaped the development of modern business environment. Women comprise about 20-25 per cent of the total organized workforce in India. In absolute terms, this number is larger than the female workforce in most other nations despite improvements in female participation at management levels, women still fill less than 2% of CEO leadership positions in the Fortune 500. It is not surprising to find, therefore, that leaders continue to be thought of as men with the management levels in most industries considered to be ‘male-typed’. But in a few industries women have moved into management .To make a break-through across the “glass ceiling”, women should equip themselves with adequate skills, soft skills in particular, so that they can perform better in the age of human-oriented management Many people tend to think that success in business requires them to be rational and logical, but they must always remember that the human element is also critically important. This is one reason why it is important to develop soft skills, and one of the best soft skills you can develop is assertiveness.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness refers to being able to express your thoughts, beliefs and feelings in a confident, open and honest way. It increases self-confidence and facilitates the communication of ideas at work. With increasing competition, it’s not just seen as a matter of survival, but as an indirect, powerful tool to increase productivity and efficiency. Being assertive is essential for those who want to learn how to stand up for themselves in different situations, such as responding to putdowns, handling and expressing anger, speaking up to a rude salesperson, asking the boss for a raise, asking for a better table at a restaurant, etc.

Why should one be assertive?

Assertive women are more successful at accumulating resources. Assertive women are more likely to bring on change. Assertive women are confident and sure of themselves. As a result, assertive women are able to fight through great adversity, and emerge with greater strength than before.

Assertiveness v/s Aggressiveness

Asserting yourself is not easy. One reason is that some people see assertiveness as a negative behavior. Perhaps they confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. Assertiveness is especially difficult for women. Most women are taught to be agreeable, be polite, and make those around them at ease. Assertive individuals try to understand others, and acknowledge the value others bring. In a conflict, assertive people actively listen, explain themselves clearly, and invite the others to work together toward a solution. Assertive people realize they want to have a long-term relationship with people. In order to do so, they do not create barriers with anger or humiliation. Instead they use constructive feedback.

By definition (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/)

Aggressive

•  Characterized by aggression: aggressive behavior

•  Inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion: an aggressive regime.

•  Fast growing; tending to spread quickly and invade: an aggressive tumor.

•  Intense or harsh, as in color.

Assertive

•  Confident and direct in claiming one’s rights or putting forward one’s views

•  Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive

The Continuum

If we view communication as a continuum, place aggressiveness on the far right, assertiveness in the middle, and passiveness on the far left.

Passiveness:

  • We don’t feel that we have the right to be heard. We are uncomfortable expressing ourselves. We may not like the response we will get. We willing back down easily to avoid conflict.

Assertiveness:

  • We are comfortable to express what we think, feel and want. We can express our view and needs without stepping on others, and without anger or attack. We aim for a solution that is a win for all.

Aggressiveness:

  • We stand up for ourselves, even at the expense of others. We use tactics such as loud talking, sarcasm, desk pounding and forcefulness to get our way.

If you want to feel good about yourself, gain respect or others, and achieve high productivity in your life, aim to be in the middle of the continuum.

Aggressiveness /aggression is about being on the attack and/or trying to take what does not rightfully belong to the taker. Assertiveness/asserting oneself is about standing up for oneself and not being willing to be pushed around or down or into a second-class citizen status. There’s really not a fine line between aggressiveness and assertiveness. They’re two completely different things. Aggressiveness is unprovoked hostility. Assertiveness can occasionally seem hostile, but when it does that hostility is usually warranted.

The challenge for women, however, is that many men and even many other women don’t believe women should have that equality in life. To people who think this way any woman who asserts his rights as a human being can be seen as wanting something to which she is not entitled. As a result, some people see assertiveness as aggressiveness.

Characteristics

Characteristics of assertive communication

There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:

  • Eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
  • Body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
  • Gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
  • Voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
  • Timing: use your judgment to maximize receptivity and impact
  • Content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say

Assertiveness:

•     An assertive woman will be sensitive to others, while standing up for her own rights.

•     She will deal with a stressful situation, seeking resolution, using direct, appropriate and honest forms of communication.

•     She takes personal responsibility for mistakes, but also, in fairness holds others responsible when the situation arises.

•     She is open, polite, has good self-esteem, and seeks to build other’s self-esteem.

•     As a boss, she will try to lead by example, but never seeks, nor avoids confrontation.

•     She is flexible, well respected and ASKS for what she needs.

Aggressiveness:

•     An aggressive woman may be self-centered and have low self-esteem that she boosts by putting others down.

•     She gets stressed and makes those around her stressed too, talking to them in an inappropriately direct and confrontational manner.

•     She needs to control everything and everyone, and blames others, never taking responsibility herself.

•     She is often abrasive and forces others to accept that she is right, she will confront and put people down.

•     As a boss, she forces her ideas on others, she has to be in control and will confront and belittle those who try to disagree.

•     She sticks rigidly to the rules, as she sees them, is insensitive to other’s needs and is resented and feared rather than respected. She DEMANDS.

The advantages of being an assertive communicator and all round person is that one will be more direct, honest, and accurate and less manipulating, dishonest and deceptive. Being assertive also means knowing when to back down. One should still be able to see someone else’s point of view and back down if she knows that they are right and she is wrong. This doesn’t make one any less assertive, but makes a much better communicator and more trusting person.

In Game Theory, there are four basic styles that you can use when interacting with other people, depending on whether you are working to get what you and the other person want:

You get
what you want
Concede Negotiate
You don’t get
what you want
Withdraw Demand
SITUATIONAL TACTICS I don’t get
what I want
I get
what I want

These are called “situational tactics” because they are behaviors that you can use in different situations. In fact, depending on the situation, there are times when it is appropriate to each of these. The four styles are tactics that can be used in different situations. The tactic that it is appropriate to use most often is ‘negotiate’; the other tactics are used less often and in particular circumstances. There are times when it is appropriate to be unassertive. It depends on the circumstances, and it is your choice.

Problems tend to arise, however, when unassertiveness becomes a habit, or when the wrong tactics are used for the situation. Example of inappropriate unassertiveness is when you boss asks you to do something extra and it causes you a problem with your workload. Many people simply ‘concede’ to a boss’ request, but the most appropriate strategy is to negotiate. A failure to negotiate could result in you having to work long hours, or you failing to complete some other aspect of your job on time because you are doing what your boss asked.

Life Stance

A ‘life stance’ is a tendency to use a particular tactic as the first, or even only, choice.

You get
what you want
Submissive Assertive
You don’t get
what you want
Passive- Aggressive Aggressive
LIFE
STANCE
I don’t get
what I want
I get
what I want

Strategies to be adopted

A woman who wishes to be assertive must first and foremost appear assertive. First impressions count, even more so for a woman trying to establish herself in the business world or even in a social setting. A confident stride, a straight posture and professional attire are essential. Carry yourself with confidence and others will know simply by looking at you that you mean business

Express what you need.

  • The key to being more assertive is to communicate your wants, desires and necessities in a clear language. This doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive. State your needs in a firm, steady tone. You’ll notice a world of difference when you speak up!

Adjust body language

  • Open up your posture, take your hands off your chest, uncross your legs and hold eye contact. Keep your face and your tone under control. This doesn’t mean that you have to be stoic or icy, just make sure you aren’t making an assertive statment with a wavering voice and an apologetic face.

Don’t beat around the bush

  • Don’t dilute your words or beat around the bush. People often make excuses or give long explanations and the person listening gets a mixed message. Be concise and direct. Use the first person part-of-speech. For example, ‘I feel frustrated when my work is not acknowledged.’ The lesser words you use, the bigger the impact.

Quit apologizing.

  • Do not speak apologetically. Stand your ground if you know you are correct. Ask questions whenever you need clarifications. You shouldn’t accept rules or practices without understanding them.

Say “No” politely

  • Express negative emotions in a healthy manner. For example, if someone has hurt your feelings, let them know without escalating the situation. It doesn’t help to take out your aggression or frustration on others. Express valid feelings in time, instead of bottling things up until you explode. Sometimes, it is better to walk away until you feel calmer and more in control. Make sure your body language is not aggressive. Avoid pointing at people, banging the table, raising your voice, or making other aggressive gestures.

Use the word “I”.

  • If you start your sentences with “I” you are taking responsibility for yourself, which is an assertive action. In addition, you are not including others, as you would when speaking with the word “we”. This helps to communicate your needs more clearly–they are your needs, not anyone else’s.

Allow yourself time to change.

  • No one can become more assertive overnight, and it’s certainly easy to fall into old habits of apologizing and changing statements to questions. A big part of being assertive is being determined. Tenacity is a quality of an assertive person.

Last but not the least, in today’s competitive business, communication is more essential than ever. It is the foundation on which companies and careers are built on and are a crucial component of lasting success. Whether it’s a face-to-face conversation or an  e-mail exchange, strong communication establishes a connection that leaves a powerful impression.

Communication skills include:

•     Understand effective body language and appropriate word choice

•     Learn to control emotions and establishing the right tone of voice

•     Find mutual connections or similarities to enhance communication

•     Increase comprehension through mental openness and feedback

Conclusion

Communication is directly connected to being assertive.  People are the essence of business, whether they are managers or employees. Working as a business owner or employee requires one to be an effective communicator, and he/she must learn how to present themselves in the right manner. Communicating assertively can often mean the difference between successfully closing a deal, or losing it. It can also mean the difference between effectively leading a team, or causing it to fail. Having good people skills will allow people, especially women workforce, to build strong relationships with others, and it allows them to get more from everyone around, whether they are external or internal to the organization.

References:

  1. Women in Management :Bette Ann Stead
  2. Women in management : Sanghamitra Buddhapriya
  3. Women and workplace discrimination: overcoming barriers to gender equality:Raymond F. Gregory
  4. Assertiveness: how can I say what I mean? :  Kate Havelin
  5. Women in corporate management : Ronald J. Burke
  6. http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/assertiveness/how-to-be-more-assertive-part2.html
  7. http://www.management-issues.com/2006/8/24/research/gender-stereotypes-block-womens-advancement.asp