Posts Tagged ‘ abuse ’

My Favorite Posts ..

Hi all,I just wanted to list out my favorite posts, just in case anybody would find them interesting and useful.Do go through them when you get time and keep sharing your thoughts .

Eazy Cooking!!

  1. Its a Pizza-a stove-top Pizza!!
  2. Tapiki ‘n’ Fish curry-the official food of kerala???
  3. Roll it all the way into your mouth!!
  4. Moringa/Drumstick Fry
  5. Fish Thoran
  6. Quick Vegetable Biryani
  7. “Pizza Dosa” or “Dosa Pizza”??
  8. Date ‘n’ Choco Fudge in 10 minutes
  9. Sprouted Green Gram/Cherupayar Thoran


  1. “Why do muslim women have to beg for their rights?”
  2. Do feminists ruin families?
  3. Why/why not should women dress modestly/provocatively?
  4. How easy is it to undergo a divorce?
  5. Feminism Tag..but Am I a feminist?
  6. How do we program the baby machine to output baby boys alone?
  7. How important is it for you,to remain faithful in your marriage?
  8. Winning the war-through women..
  9. How do I make his beard catch fire?
  10. Why are women enemies to each other?

Islamic Thoughts

  1. “No time to complain, time to be wise”
  2. “Slay all infidels”..Wow,is Quran so violent???
  3. “How do you, as Muslim, see me and others like me in the light of the teachings of the Qur’an?”
  4. War ethics ‘n’ rules in Islam..
  5. Am I,as a muslim,responsible for the acts of others muslims who interpret Quran wrongly & move around with bombs?
  6. The drama of divorce over phone,email and SMS..
  7. One Quran,but infinite interpretations..WHY?
  8. Living Ramdan,the Islamic way..
  9. “Muhammad was a pedophile..”
  10. Quran asks men to beat their wife!!
  11. Is this what Islamic polygamy is all about?
  12. Muslims hate Jews??????????
  13. Remembering Prophet Muhammad (and his multiple wives) on his birthday
  14. Stoning to death-How and Why is it a part of Islam?
  15. Fatwa Drama-Behind the curtain..
  16. Worship in space!

World Around

  1. Pragmatics between moral police and one’s freedom of expression
  2. Why does Government push Hajj subsidy down the throats of Indian muslims?
  3. Migrant issues – Qatar and Maharashtra,a comparison.
  4. History of Israel-Palestein conflict -as and how lightly my small brain process it.
  5. What went wrong with Pakistan as a nation?
  6. Why isn’t this ‘terrorism’, but just ‘communal-issues’?
  7. The unholy secrets and not-so-divine divinity of the church..
  8. Who decides the fine line between absolute and relative freedom of expression?
  9. What have you done so far,as to wipe out the menace of terrorism?

Random Rants

  1. Disclaimer..
  2. My lovely garden 😉
  3. Holding hands..for a lifetime.
  4. How do I control my anger before it controls me..
  5. Smile Pinki.. bringing smile to thousands of kids with cleft lips..
  6. Tagged – Soft,Melodious and Soulful songs..
  7. Tag-on various bits of my life…


  1. The Weight Of The Human Soul
  2. Will your body decay if you RIP while in outer space?
  3. How much water would it take to extinguish the sun?
  4. “Diamond is forever”…Oh no…Its NOT…
  5. Biting nails;Biting fungus and dirt!
  6. Rate your fear of intimacy
  7. How do blind people dream?

Good day to all..

Winning the war-through women..

Lately,all my attention is struck over Kashmir.Days and days pass by,with nothing much happening on the brighter side.Stories on human rights violation,contributed to a major extent by our own Indian Army,is heart breaking.Maybe Kashmiris are wrong.But does two wrongs makes things right?



Kashmir is place which is turning out to be goldmine for army and politicians. They need to ensure that the state of trouble remains the same, atleast for their life span as to make the most out of it for selfish motives. Militants on the other hand keep the area in unrest,and have random verses from Quran to ‘justify’, no matter what evil they are doing. India has an estimated 700,000 soldiers in Kashmir, fighting nearly a dozen rebel groups since 1989. In many areas, the region has the feel of an occupied country, with soldiers in full combat gear patrolling streets and frisking civilians


After some reading, for some reason, I started asking myself,” Wouldn’t I have been a ‘terrorist’ if me or people around me were subjected to such brutality, for years in row. If a person is wrong, go punish him. Instead, there is a systemic procedure of torturing the culprit’s parents, wife/husband, kids or other friends. How is that right?

I wonder why there isn’t any legitimate source to get information about total causalities in Kashmir. Is it something that ought to be hidden? Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn’t find any authentic source for retrieving such statistics. Still, general reading tells me that hundreds of people are tortured, thousand of children orphaned, women widowed, raped and molested. For some reason, I was greatly disturbed on thinking why the hell women are abused, though the ‘war’ is between men on both sides. Random and disturbing thoughts made me look more into the particular matter

Rape continues to be a major instrument of repression against the Kashmiri people while the majority of casualties in Kashmir are civilians. The Indian authorities have also steadfastly refused to allow any independent monitoring of the situation. The International Federation of Human Rights and the Amnesty International have also been denied permission to visit.

The sexual exploitation of women by people in power is not just a women’s issue. It needs to be addressed by society as a whole. Both the Army and the militants have been using rape as a war weapon. Rape in war is not a matter of physical desire. It is rather a question of power and control. It is the best tool to demoralize people intellectually and spiritually. It is not a matter or exploitation but a well-thought-out and planned propaganda.


I wonder and pity the mentality of oppressing a group of people by doing this..Why don’t you put them in jail or shoot them to death. Why rape instead?To die of humiliation? Will they keep on doing this until the last girl, even the one in womb is torn off? I have no wonder why father, brother of husband of such women take law in their hands. What would you do when you watch your wife or daughter or sister getting molested? Go eat pizza?


The next set of people, so-called Islamic fundamentalists are out to pour acid over women’s faces if they don’t wear Pardha. Hell, who gave them the right to force religion on others? Did Allah send them an email? When did Islam lose its soul? Well, what more to talk on people who don’t follow any war ethics, instead go blast bombs killing women and children and civilians.


Women in Kashmir have also been raped and killed after being abducted by rival militant groups and held as hostages for their male relatives. It is also a way to punish women suspected of being sympathetic to the opposition.


This is not a post on women, and not on Muslim women or Hindu women.. Muslim women are abused by Army and Hindu women are abused by militants. Maybe I am silly to feel so angry and frustrated because I just knew about this age old ‘war-technique’ that can be tracked back to biblical times.. And it makes me feel more bad that Army I always used to be proud of keeping guard of whole nation is indulging in such matter.. Several human rights violations have been charged against Indian Army. Interestingly, Indian government doesn’t allow Human rights observers.. Why? I am very sad that my nation’s Army turned out just like American one.. All such unauthorized torturing, disappearances, custody deaths.. and mostly abusing women duh..


Sadly, there isn’t proper recording of such crimes due to social stigma against the victim and for fear of more oppression. Army has different set of rules (court marshalling and like) to deal with such crimes, and trials never end in punishments, which atmost in just getting suspended.. May be The Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act of 1958 (AFSPA) is what makes them feel like doing anything whatever they want. Under this Act, all security forces are given unrestricted and unaccounted power to carry out their operations, once an area is declared disturbed. Even a non-commissioned officer is granted the right to shoot to kill based on mere suspicion that it is necessary to do so in order to “maintain the public order”.


This is not a propaganda against loyal soldiers who give their lives for the nation .But sad but truly, this war rape is happening in places like Kashmir and north-east parts of India,and the number can’t be tracked back to fingers,but to thousands.. Maybe that’s why those people don’t like being part of India, as it is the soldiers that represent us. Generalizing is injustice, but I never told that all soldiers are  the same..




Read more


Women in Kashmir suffer rape, molestation, kin’s disappearances, psychological trauma and torture


Sex abuse issue in Kashmir has some designs


Rape As A Weapon Of War And A Tool Of Political Repression

War rape


Get educated as to get abused more!

Now that’s a contradictory statement, isn’t it? I had always been deluded into the notion that domestic violence happens with those women who are less educated, who have low self-esteem and are intimidated to seek help. Sadly, the fact tells it otherwise. Contradicting the notion that domestic violence is primarily a problem afflicting the socially marginalized, it is found that women with higher education are up to 50 percent more likely to fall victim to violence.



Violence against women is an issue throughout the world. But every community adds its own dimensions to perpetuate the violence. Cultural evils like dowry demands, social evils like alcoholism, patriarchy and its stereotypes add as fuel to make the situation more pathetic. Much has been discussed about domestic violence on various levels of society. Domestic violence being a broad topic, with different issues as causes, dealing with it, consequences and like,I’ld like to focus on correlation between level of education and rate of abuse.



Talk of domestic violence usually conjures up images of poor, illiterate women, unaware of their rights and economically dependent on their husbands for survival. In a recent study that examined domestic abuse in Egypt, Chile, India, and the Philippines, the evidence shows that domestic violence knows no boundaries of race, class, or geography. What surprised some was that in India, the higher a woman’s education the more likely it is that she will be abused.



“Kumud Sharma of the Centre for Women’s Development Studies in New Delhi traced the correlation between education and domestic violence to patriarchal attitudes. “Educated women are aware of their rights,” she said. “They are no longer willing to follow commands blindly. When they ask questions, it causes conflicts, which, in turn, leads to violence. In many Indian states, working women are asked to hand over their paycheck to the husband and have no control over their finances. So, if they stop doing so or start asserting their right, there is bound to be friction.”

Domestic violence experts say the problem in India stems from a cultural bias against women who challenge their husband’s right to control their behavior. Women who do this—even by asking for household money or stepping out of the house without their permission–are seen as punishable. This process leads men to believe their notion of masculinity and manhood is reflected to the degree to which they control their wives.”


The reasons include neglecting children, going out without telling partner, arguing with partner, refusing to have sex, not preparing food properly or on time and talking with other men!



Education is hardly the key to fight this menace. Educated women also keep quiet about being physically abused. sometimes it’s for the children, sometimes they make excuses for their husbands and other times they think they brought it on themselves, some just are too embarrassed to talk about it because it deprives them from the little self esteem they have left.  



Although men’s preoccupation with controlling their wives declines with age–as does the incidence of domestic violence–researchers found that the highest rates of domestic violence were among highly educated men. Thirty-two percent of men with zero years of education and 42 percent men with one-to-five years of education reported domestic violence. Among men with six-to-10 years of education–as well as those with high-school education and higher–this figure increased to 57 percent.



Around two-third of married women in India were victims of domestic violence .Noting that women with tangible economic assets were less likely to be victims of domestic violence than those who lack them, the report cited Kerala as an example.

“In Kerala, a survey found that 49 per cent women without property reported domestic violence compared with only seven per cent who owned property,”



The survey says that women in several countries justify wife-beating for one reason or another. Some say the biggest problem is convincing the women that they do not deserve abuse.” Most women who face domestic violence think it’s a normal part of their life, it’s a part of being a wife, daughter or a sister in law,” says Manjima Bhattacharya, who works for Jagori, a group that uses music and theatre to spread awareness about domestic violence.



The consequences of gender-based violence are devastating, including life-long emotional distress, mental health issues and poor reproductive health. The adverse effects of domestic violence do not end with these or other health consequences for women alone; what makes domestic violence particularly insidious is its intergenerational effects. Children of mothers who have been abused have higher mortality rates, lower immunization rates, and in some countries are more likely to be undernourished than children of mothers who have not experienced domestic violence. There is also consistent evidence for additional disheartening intergenerational effects: Compared with children of mothers who have not been abused, female children of abused mothers are more likely to be abused as adults, and male children of abused mothers are more likely to be abusers as adults.



Hitting or abusing happens when there is no compassion in the relationship. Men and women need to learn to respect each other, understand that there is a certain way that the other needs to be treated. And perhaps more importantly, men and women need to learn how important self-respect is! Understand that you deserve respect, that you deserve to be treated a certain way, and you will never tolerate abuse. Perhaps then, more cases of abuse will be reported, and in turn, incidences of domestic violence can be curbed.



Second option would be communication – another solution to a lot of problems. Whatever the apple of discord, there is always a peaceful way of settling things. Talking things through usually clears up a lot of misconceptions and avoids an ugly mess. Unfortunately, in India, we believe in action and not in words… and for all the wrong reasons!




·     I am aware of the fact that there are few bad women out there who misuse their rights, just for instance misuse of anti-dowry law in India. But only because a small percentage gets it wrong, the other majority is not bound to be burdened with the blame.

·     Not only women, men also get victimised.Either way, there isn’t any justification for abusing your spouses. They are not punching bags to vent out your ego frustrations.







Quran asks men to beat their wife!!

This is a usual bash-tool used by many non-Muslims who have some idea of Quran.Interestingly, most Muslims justify/clarify the verse by arguments such as ‘beat with a toothpick’,’ don’t beat on face’ etc. But I myself cannot agree to any of these clarifications, simply because I believe that Allah is not somebody who would talk like this. Only tribal and egoistic people will try to make up problems by resorting to the technique of beating and shouting at each other….’Wife beating’ had always remained a topic of hot arguments.See below an  article talking about the right sense(according to my sense of justice and faith) ,what wife-beating in Quran is all about.



An excerpt from the article:



 Even in the best of marriages there are bound to be occasional discord or ill-will between the married couples. This can sometimes result in the wife being beaten up by the husband, but the justification for this is due to the misinterpretation of verse (4:34), which apparently seems to allow this. Let me quote the verse and then explain why this traditional translation is wrong.

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:34 
as for those women on whose part ye fear rebellion (nushuz), admonish them and banish them to beds apart, (and last) beat (adriboo) them. Then, if they obey you, seek not a way against them.



The key to the problem is the mistranslation of the two key words ‘nushuz’ and ‘adriboo’. Some of the possible meanings for both the words, according to the lexicon are given below. Again, the appropriate meaning will depend on the context of the verse.

·     Nushuz: Animosity, hostility, rebellion, ill-treatment, discord, violation of marital duties on the part of either husband or wife.

·     Adriboo (root Daraba): to beat, to strike, to hit, to separate, to part etc.



In the context of the above verse the most appropriate meaning for nushuz is ‘marital discord’ (ill-will, animosity etc), and that for ‘adriboo’ is ‘to separate’ or ‘to part’. Otherwise it is inviting the likelihood of a divorce without any reconciliation procedure and this will contravene the Qur’anic guidance as shown in verse 4:35 below. The separation could be temporary or permanent depending on the reconciliation procedure, and this fits in very well with the divorce procedure outlined in the Qur’an (see 8.5). Therefore the more accurate translation of the above verse would be:

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:34 
As for those women whose animosity or ill-will you have reason to fear, then leave them alone in bed, and then separate; and if thereupon they pay you heed, do not seek a way against them.

The verse following the above verse gives further weight to the above translation.

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:35 
And if ye fear a breach between them twain (the man and the wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever knower, Aware.



An added weight to the meanings outlined above is given by verse 4:128 (quoted below), where in the case of a man the same word nushuz is used, but it is translated as ‘ill-treatment’ as against ‘rebellion’ in the case of a woman in verse 4:34. Also as the ill-treatment is from the husband, a process of reconciliation is encouraged!

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:128
If a wife fears ill-treatment (nushuz) or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best…..



This obviously is a double standard and the only way to reconcile the meanings of the two verses, in the contexts they are being used, is to accept the meaning of adriboo as: ‘to separate’ or to ‘part’. In this connection I would like to refer the reader to an excellent article from which I quote:



·        Qur’anic commentators and translators experience problems with the term Adribu in the Qur’an not just in this verse but in others, as it is used in different contexts in ways which appear ambiguous and open to widely different translations into English. ‘Daraba’ can be translated in more than a hundred different ways.

·       The translation of Adribu as ‘to strike’ in this particular verse (4:34) is founded upon nothing more than:
(i) The authority of hadiths (Abu Daud 2141 and Mishkat Al-Masabih 0276) that this is what Adribu means in this context.
(ii) The prejudices and environment of the early commentators of the Qur’an which led them to assume that ‘to strike’, given the overall context of the verse, is the most likely interpretation of the many possible interpretations of Adribu”.




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