Posts Tagged ‘ divorce ’

Expecting the wife or her guardian to provide the dowry or accommodation is a custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah

A fatwa,issued from the supreme council of Islam,Saudi Arabia..

Question :

Its been a customary practice in my locality that during the time of marriage the girls parents build a house for their daughter and that both couples may live in that house.But in future if any problem occurs between husband and wife then the wife could still have her house while the male has no right to claim the house.This system was made lawful in my place to give security for females.

Now that am going to be engaged my Dad said that the fiancee’s family haven’t built a house yet.And dad fears that the fiancee’s parents haven’t come up with good security even for their daughter and he fears in future I might not get a good security from them as well.And dad said he will ask them for the house for both(me and fiancee) to live in.

I said since it is the husband who should give security to his spouse then it is not necessary for the fiancee’s parents to build the house.But i also said if they build it without our own demand let us take it and i said that after reading the following verse of the quran from surah Nisa 004.004 And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.

But in my situation I fear falling into dowry.Please sheikh kindly clear this doubt.Under the circumstance i have said is it right of my father to ask the fiancee’s parents to build the house for the girl so that we both can live in it?

Please reply shiekh for a long time i haven’t got any reply from u. But Allah knows hw busy u are.But please take some time to clear this for me.

Answer(Fatwa) :

Praise be to Allaah.

The dowry (mahr) is a right that the wife has over her husband, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)”

[al-Nisa’ 4:4].

Al-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on him) said: What Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, meant by that is: Give the women their dowries as a gift that is required and obligatory.

And he said: It was narrated that Qataadah said, concerning the words “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”: As an obligation. And it was narrated that Ibn Jurayj said concerning the words “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”: As an obligation that is named (specified). And it was narrated that Ibn Zayd said concerning the words “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”: al-nihlah (translated here as “with a good heart”, in the language of the Arabs, refers to something that is obligatory.

End quote from Tafseer al-Tabari, 4/241.

So it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it, but if the wife takes it and then gives some of it to her husband or gives some of her wealth to him, it is permissible to her to do that, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)”[al-Nisa’ 4:4].

Accommodation is also a right that the wife has over her husband, so he is obliged to provide her with separate accommodation according to his ability; that is part of the maintenance that he is obliged to provide. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them (divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]. If this applies in the case of a woman who is divorced, then providing accommodation for a woman who is still married is more appropriate. Moreover, Allah has enjoined kind treatment between spouses, as stated above. Part of the kind treatment that is enjoined is providing her with accommodation in which she and her wealth will be safe. The wife cannot do without accommodation in order to conceal her from people looking at her and so that she can settle down with her belongings. Hence accommodation is a right that she has over her husband.

The same may be said about accommodation as may be said about the dowry: it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it.

Based on that, if the wife does not give accommodation, there is no room for demanding it from her. You should explain that to your father and not go along with the custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah. Allah has made the man the protector and maintainer of the woman, and one of the reasons for that is that he spends on her.

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisa’ 4:34].

See also the answer to question no. 45527.

And Allah knows best.

Source :  http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/145619

@ Indian Muslims,shame on you…I am 99.9% sure that even the suprememost Muftis and so-called champions of Islam was,is and will be religiously following the evil of dowry,all in the holy name of culture..But when it comes to other areas,like following culture as to chooce women’s attire,they turn away their face against  the very same culture..Then they are bothered about living in India,but following Saudi’s black gown.But for dowry,they are happy and do insisit on living in India and not following Saudi’s (muslims world’s in general) custom of not taking (grabbing) dowry,but instead give meher to wife.

I used to wonder watching the difference between Indian muslims and Arabian muslims(whome I have interacted with closely) ,in their attitude towards born girls and boys..For them, boys means expenditure and girls means revenue…

Image : http://www.islaminworld.com/img/pic5.jpg

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How easy is it to undergo a divorce?

A few days ago,my dearo Cris had written a great post on “About Divorces”.I felt touched by her words,but I am not sure if I agree to all what she said..

 

When a marriage goes to a level where you find yourself unhappy all day and night long, when you realize beyond doubt you can never work it out –what was the point in clinging on?

 mmm,well,I  don’t know..But is it that easy to end it all??Maybe we keep trying to set things right for reasons and for people around..

 

Why was it so important that you had to stick with the person till end of life no matter what?

 Maybe you love him/her a lot deep inside.. Or maybe one is insecure of the future..

 

Wasn’t marriage all about making your life happier by spending it with someone you love and care about?

 Is it really so in reality?Agreed that we expect to live with someone whom we love and care.But what about the associated strings attached-socially and emotionally?What if there isn’t much love,but just that ‘it keeps going’ kinda stuff?i.e,there isn’t neither much love nor any hate..In such situations,aren’t we not to keep working on making betterment in the relationship?

 

When that love and care is not there, why would you choose to ignore it and go on with your lives unhappily? 

 As I said,in most cases,its not the absence of love and care,but the incompleteness that causes distress in day to day life..Afterall,nobody is perfect.So  automatically,one gets accustomed to it and move on with life..in the same rail.

 

Cause divorce was still “evil”, unheard of and a shame to kith and kin. People choose to make their own lives unhappy to have the world around them believe they are happy. An idea that always goes above my head. 

 Yeah,sad fact..

 

She sums up that if there is no love in marriage,there is no point in hanging on,even if it is justified as ‘for kids sake’ and that bad marriages can have bad effects on kids.And she ends it up as

 

If you wanted to avoid divorce, take a lot of care on whom you marry – that’s where your decision really matters. But then humans make mistakes and a mistake may be hard to avoid, but not so hard to correct.

  

Cris strongly feels that it is ‘love’ that matters the most in a marriage.Personally,I think love don’t even need comprise 50% of marriage..I have read somewhere that a successful marriage needs

 

  • Compatibility and Compassion
  • Communication
  • Expectations built together
  • Intimacy and Sexuality
  • Recognizing each others Personalities and Family relationships
  • Conflict Resolution abilities
  • Long-term Goals
  • Family Planning and Rearing of children

Its not just love ,but much more and marriage won’t run smoothly just like that..You keep trying more and more hard day by day..You keep trying refining yourself and try to fit into the mould everyday..Trust me,you can’t change a person.So better you change yourself,if you need peace and serenity .

 

It is easy to say “If you don’t like it and if you can’t make it,get out of the relationship’.. It seems a joke, considering that the person saying this is well aware of situations in India, and how ‘well’ a divorcee is looked ‘up’ on at.The bloody sexist society has no issues with the man involved.Afterall,it is the woman/wife who should have adjusted and sewed up the conflicts and it is her inability to maintain a family that the divorce happened.They say ‘What if the fiancee is a drunkard or chain smoker,if thw wife tries well,and if she is smart ,he will quit it all..”..Dogs,how is it that the responsibility of changing or reforming a waste man falls on the shoulders of a stranger woman? Why not the mother and father act smart and get rid of the bad charater rather than expecting a strange woman/wife to do it and later blame it on her ‘You are not being a real good wife’..duh..

 

The girl’s family takes a deep breath when she is married off.In real,they don’t expect her to come back anyday.Sugarcoated words don’t work in long term.Not to imagine of a situation where a woman has to go back to her home which is a joint family.If she has kids,she is accused of having deprived her kids ‘father’s love’.The neighbors ,the in laws in the house,the relatives,everybody wants to know the story and then point fingers saying ’You did not try well to make it’..

 

I strongly believe that all the above could have been avoided if the lady was educated and could secure a job and live separately with her kids so that she won’t have to see others face every morning..Not to forget the initial economic difficulties..But then again,it could be dealt with properly if she still has the dowry her parents gave her.She could start a living of her own without begging to others.I wish all ladies had the choice to keep their dowry to themselves so that it may be of use to them later at some point of life. 

 

I got carried away from the topic..Sorry for that.My point is that divorce is not that easy as Cris says it.Even if there is lot of dissatisfaction,one would prefer to hang on,fearing the situation that would arise late-divorce.Also,I disagee with Cris on that kids benefit from getting out of bad marriage.Agreed if there is physical abuse involved.But otherwise,its better to hang on for kids sake as they are plunged into the web of insecurity, conflicts of loyalty towards both parents, psychological disorders and much more..If you don’t care about kids,don’t produce kids..They are here in this world ,because you choose to and hence it is your responsibility to give them a good environment for healthy development.

Its all a web..Its not easy to get out of it once you are into it.Success is in finding happiness in what you are and what you have.Yeah,maybe you will develop lower self-esteem for youself,but it maybe worth it.

 

 

p.s

 

I am a happily married lady .You may feel odd why am I saying so..Well,last day ,a near and dear one of mine said that ‘you can’t write about a topic unless you experience it’.(I was reading on marital rape and he/she asked me if I am undergoing thru such a situation..I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry)So now that I have written about divorce,it doesn’t mean that I have issues with my marriage and that I am going to divorce..Phew..Pity myself of explaining and justifying my thoughts in public.

 

Proposed Kerala Muslim Marriage bill-A great step towards a noble cause

In a progressive and bold step towards the reform of Muslim Personal Law, the Kerala Law Reforms Commission has drafted a bill which will curb and check the practices of polygamy and divorce through Talaq among Muslims in the state.

 

 

Essentially neither is it a bill with radical stand nor is it revolutionary in terms of its features. In fact almost all of its features are there in the Shariah law. For instance it doesn’t ban polygamy nor does it ban the concept of talaq among Muslims. The only thing that it does that it tries to regulate the indiscreet marriages and divorces in the community.

 

 

One has to understand that the legal issues related to Muslim personal laws like that of divorce, marriage, inheritance are usually dealt with by the respective Shariah bodies. There is no mechanism in Shariah framework (as it is being practically implemented in India) where the people who violate the Shariah laws are held accountable to their misdeeds and punitive measures are applied to them.So if a person remarries or misuses the provision of talaq he can and in most of the cases, he does easily get away with this because there is no effective mechanism in the existing Shariah based Muslim Personal Law Board which could ensure that he is punished as per the existing punitive measures available in the Shariah.

 

 

The Indian Constitution doesn’t provide the organizations like Muslim Personal Law Board (who claim to have the exclusive rights of representation of personal law related issues of Indian Muslims) legal legitimacy. So this Bill seeks to address the implementation of the punitive aspect in the cases of all the discreet remarriage and divorces

 

 

The draft Bill titled “The Kerala Muslim Marriage and Dissolution by Talaq (Regulation) Bill” seeks to legislate that ‘monogamy shall be the rule’ and that ‘marrying again during the lifetime of husband or wife is an offence.’ However, the proposed Bill provides for remarriage by husband in exceptional cases “with the (wife’s) consent in writing before a notary public or a judicial officer expressing her consent to the second marriage and briefly giving her reasons for the consent.”

 

 

The Law Reforms Commission’s proposed law aims to “declare that, among the Muslims in Kerala, monogamy is the general rule and polygamy a just exception, permissible only in socially exceptional circumstances and that also subject to compassionate conditions, and to provide further that divorce by talaq can be effected only subject to special conditions.” It wants that “if any married Muslim, man or woman, marries again during the subsistence of the first marriage, the party who violates shall be guilty of bigamy under the Indian Penal Code and punishable as such.”

 

 

The proposed law makes it mandatory that all Muslim marriages and divorces be registered with the local registrar of marriages. The most important provision in the proposed law is the constitution of a ‘conciliation council,’ to be set up in each district, to regulate Muslim remarriages and divorces. The council, to be set up by the State government, will have a retired district judge or magistrate from the Muslim community as its head.

 

 

The man, permitted to take a second wife, “shall be liable to provide reasonable accommodation and privacy as well as just alimony or maintenance sufficient for the wife to sustain herself in reasonable comfort.”The proposed law also says that marriage of Muslim shall be contract. It also says that “the female spouse shall be entitled to divorce only through court or with the approval of the conciliation council on grounds of irretrievable breakdown irreparable by conciliation

 

 

It has sought a variety of responses from the Muslim community be it the common masses or its intellectual class. Moreover it has created a debate in the community to ponder over the effects of polygamy and talaq on the community.

 

 

The bill has sought positive responses almost from all the women’s activists across the religious, political and ideological divides. They have been pitching for the bill and mobilizing forces to pressurize the government to legislate the bill.

 

 

According to Febeena Seethi, the president of Kerala Women’s Front, polygamy is a double edged sword in the sense that it can be useful but it can also be a way to exploit women. Usually it becomes a way of exploitation of women where their lives are made miserable because of it. “There should be a women and a religious scholar in the conciliation councils.” She explained that the representation of women and a religious scholar is very important. The religious scholar will help in avoiding any kind of controversy and the woman member will .

 

 

A big section of all the people who support the Bill feel that it is high time that reform must happen in the Muslim Shariah law or Muslim Personal Law. So their support of the bill can be seen as motivated by an effort to bring about some kind of balance between the Shariah laws and changed circumstances of the modern times. Likewise Dr. Feebina also expressed an urgent need for the reforms in the Muslim Personal Laws.Finally she pointed out that it has been experienced that legislations alone have never been sufficient to control some practice or any person. For instance – dowry. Since the first legislation on Dowry many more laws have been made but only to increase the number of dowry cases.

 

 

The misuse of Talaq and polygamy can only be stopped with a change in the attitude of men and for this we need a war like campaigning against the both practices by every medium and every suitable platform. Dr. Seethi also pointed out that almost every woman’s organization has supported the bill.As far as most of the Muslim organizations are concerned they favor the bill in some cases with few suggestions and concerns to be addressed and included in the bill. So to a large extent there is no opposition to the Bill, in fact he went on to the extent of saying people have hardly opposed the bill on religious grounds at least. The reason is that today most of the progressive organizations want the reform in the Shariah Laws.

 

There hasn’t been any strong opposition to the bill as such except by few orthodox Muslim organizations like Samastha Kerala Jamiatul Ulama and Kerala Jamiatul Ulama. Both these organizations are completely rejecting the Bill. They have termed it as interference in the Shariah Laws by the secular Indian law.But their opposition also is complicated by the fact that their office bearers and some leaders have supported the Bill individually. In their religious lectures these people have accepted the problems created by the polygamy and expressed the need for the law to check those problems as pointed out by Mr. M Ebrahim of the Madhyamam daily.

 

 

As far as the coverage of this issue by the mainstream media in Kerala is concerned, Mr. Shareef refers to a very dangerous precedent; which is to sensationalize and controversialize every issue related to Muslims even if the issue is very simple.

 

So in spite of the fact there hasn’t been a strong opposition to the Bill by the Muslims in the state except few orthodox organization, instead of highlighting the moderate voices media is trying to pick up the few voices of opposition to the Bill and portray the whole community as backward and non-progressive.

 

 

People in the Sunni Cultural Centre pointed out that the main reason for the opposition by A.P. Aboobaker Musliar (yeah,the same old guy whom we discussed here) is the fact that for them the bill seems to be an attempt to encroach and “interfere” in the area which otherwise has been the exclusive domain of the Muslim religious bodies like All India Muslim Personal Law Board.They accept that there should be reforms in the Shariah laws but that reform should be initiated from within the Shariah law and by people in who are expert in the Shariah laws: because they want the reforms to be essentially within the framework of Islamic Shariah.

 

 

A very interesting answer to the argument of the Shariah bodies lies in the fact that in several Muslim countries triple talaq has been banned or restricted.

 

 

And what the Muslim women’s rights and progressive sections of the community like Dr. Feebina Seethi say is that the Muslim bodies on the Shariah laws have been hearing the calls for reforms since a very long time but they haven’t yet come up with any kinds of plan and strategy for the reforms in the Shariah laws which is actually one of the most important demands of the modern times.So when there is no hope of reform from within the clergy fraternity then the bill represents a saner and sensible attempt to bring about that reform.

 

Resources:

http://www.twocircles.net/

http://www.outlookindia.com/pti_news.asp?id=630467

 

 

 

P.S

 

I didn’t write this article..I just gathered information from different sources,from links provided.All I intend is to spread the word..Thanks for reading and Good day to o all..