Posts Tagged ‘ dowry ’

Feminism Tag..but Am I a feminist?

Cris has passed me the Feminism tag..No particular rules,just to write on my views on the topic..Well,this is a complicated topic and I hope my rant will do some justice on its own..Do share your views..

 

 

Feminism had always been a hot ‘n’ hate word.. I have seen people around me mock at some women “Ah, she is a feminist ”..So basically, I was seasoned to think that being a feminist is a bad choice and that being a feminist means to hate men. Lately, after having granted the badge of being an ‘adult’, I notice that whenever I make some affirmative statements about controversial subjects on women, people say “Oh,so you are a feminist! ” So now ,I have learned that being a feminist means to care for women, and I have come out of my delusion that being a feminist is not a bad choice, but that, it is a responsibility of every single women..

 

 

Feminism in itself is a broad topic, which includes various movements, theories and philosophies.. My small brain can’t process lot of theories at the present moment, so I’ll restrict myself to the small world I see around me..

 

To me, life is not about equality, but about Justice and Fairness.. I don’t think and I don’t want to become like a man..By wearing a jeans or by cutting my hair short, won’t make me ‘equal’.. What I want is justice and fairness in opportunities. I find it odd sometimes that we women want equality of pay,but still we want 3 years maternity leave..I am still to find a woman who can move the same number of bricks as a man in a definite period of time.. Men and women are different from each other and instead of outdoing each other, I think we should compliment each other..

 

 

 

Let me see what are those things that I care for and will it make me a feminist..

 

 

It is a strange fact that in India, we worship women as Goddess, but at the same time, treat them as slaves, with mere property value..The moment a baby is conceived in the womb, it is tagged a value. A baby boy  is tagged more worthy that  a baby girl. So,we have enough and more reasons to kill it inside the womb itself so that the baby doesn’t suffer once she arrives in this world..How easy solution!! More than men,I feel women are their own enemies..It is the mother, the mother in law and gang who hates to have a girl as their grand child. .Everybody wants a boy..Oh well, I have already ranted about it and the evil feminist in me prays that all those people would cry loud in their life once when their holy son don’t get a bride to marry,as to preserve their holy tradition.. I still haven’t got any logical solutions as how to dumb off the excess 3.5 crore surplus men in India..

 

 

If talking against this female infanticide is feminism, yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

What sense does it make of me to rant on female infanticide,when the basic system of marriage itself is a messed up one..We are so obsessed with the idea of marrying a whole family, instead of marrying a guy we love..Urban societies count only to a small percentage ,and among the majority ,love marriage is still a taboo and shame..There is nothing wrong in arranged marriages, provided both parties, hell not the both families, but the guy and gal, are happy about it. .But what is the absolute percentage difference between forced and arranged marriages.. Few days back,my cousin brother put off his engagement.. Marriage proposal from a known girl’s family had been forwarded through relatives and he was pressurized by his family to agree upon the relationship.. True, nobody forced him verbally ,but the mental pressure was there..They got engaged and since then, he was all gloomy.Finally, last day he told his parents that he wants to give up the relationship as he can’t find any wavelength similarities between him and the girl..The girl was aboslutley a good one..Just that characters don’t macth,for him being an introvert and her,a social one..At the end of the day, though it was mess and shame to beak an engagement,I find it good as it would have been a disaster if they got married.. Breaking an engagement is more better than a divorce.. But remember that, in this case,the rejecting party was the boy..I wonder how much the same is feasible from a girl’s side.. Few days later ,everybody is glad that the boy made his choice..But if it was a girl,I am sure she was to be labeled a outcast,anti-cultural bla bla bla girl..Do you have a doubt? Why is it that girl’s choice/opinion is less worthy than a man’s freedom of choice?

 

 

If talking against this oppression of freedom of choice for girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

Not to speak of those girls who are seen as doomed ones and a shame for parents ,simply because they haven’t got married before 25 years ..No matter how much one sugarifies it,a married off girl is seen as a burden moving away..Some parents coat sugar on it saying burden of ‘responsibility’.. uh..I wonder why can’t people expect women to remain unmarried, if they choose to. Agreed that a woman is made to be  a mother, but what is an individual doesn’t like it.. Why is it that simply for the sake of society ,one is made to let go her freedom of choice.A divorcee is labeled a woman who is not good enough to ‘adjust’ and move on with life.. An unmarried women is stereotyped as a women with love-faliure or with uterus disorders..Gosh..Many among us need to get a life seriously..

 

 

If talking against this stereotyping of unmarried or divorced women is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

Having agreed upon marriage , may it be arranged, or love or forced, then comes the next tag, DOWRY..It is the mother in laws who are mostly greedy about dowry..I wonder why are they so obsessed about it..I have not seen any MIL using dowry for her sake,but still she wants lot of dowry for her son..Maybe , she wants to feel proud and gossip among family circle, for having paid so much for her valuable holy son..I have heard MIL’s saying “We don’t want money..But what will we say when relatives ask on how much money and gold daughter in law brought home..So if you don’t want your daughter to feel belittled, give as much as possible during marriage itself.”..Hell,don’t tell me this happened in stone ages, no it happened a month ago..I wonder why men are still not ashamed to take money from a stranger girl’s father’s pocket as to build a life for their own..I feel bad and odd for those parents who feel that without dowry,their daughter is a piece of crap. I have heard men saying “There is no problem in taking dowry, afterall,we look after your daughter for a lifeitime”.. Uh,is that a privilege???? Women cook,do laundry,do housekeeping, give you physical pleasure, give you babies, take care of your babies and your parents ,does everything without grumbling ,but with happiness and you are pricing her for all these works? If you ,(not all but some men) are so bothered about the money you spent on your wife, just take it as a salary for all the work she does..I wonder why life is all about money to some people..I need my husband,he needs me..We compliment each other..It is when we take each other for granted,that we find the other ,a burden..So,my humble request to those men who say that wife is a burden,please don’t get married..Nobody is forcing you..Indian women have enough men to choose from..Please don’t marry them for the sake of dowry and burn them later..Let them  live a life..

 

 

If talking against this burden-isation of girls is feminism, yes I am a feminist..

 

 

I was reading about literacy rates among women .According to 2001 census,female literacy rate in India is 54.16%..Much lower than male literacy rate.Many reasons are accounted for the low rate of education among females..

 

  • Gender based inequality.
  • Social discrimination and economic exploitation.
  • Occupation of girl child in domestic chores.
  • Low enrolment of girls in schools.
  • Low retention rate and high dropout rate

 

 

If talking against this discrimination to these girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

Even if a girl is educated and is employed,in practical sense, I have seen very less financial freedom,if that is what is indented by empowerment through employment. I have personally seen women give the whole of their salary to husband and in rare cases,mother in law..I have no clue why they do so..i don’t mean that women needn’t spent on family.Of course they should share,and here again earning members compliment each other..But in case where husband thinks that wife’s money is his right and can be spent in whatever way he wishes to,I think that unfair and injustice to the woman involves..Not to talk of those men who think that even if the  wife is working,it is her sole duty to manage house and kids and that entering the kitchen is a shame or attack on manhood..

 

 

If talking against this restriction in financial freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

In the arena of politics,I understand that except in Parliament, women have 3% reservation in seats..But what is the rate of women who exercise this right EFFICENTLY and EFFECTIVELY? I have seen many Panchayat members, females acting as dummies for their huband. He is puling strings and she is just acting like a puppet. So, what is the whole intention of political empowerment all about?

 

 

If talking against this mockery of political freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

Religiously and spiritually speaking, I wonder why God is more obsessed with men, though it is women who prays more and does rituals for His sake. Women can’t enter some temples and many mosques.. They can’t perform rituals..Arabs and other muslims don’t believe me when I say that women are not allowed to pray in mosques in majority places in India..They never heard of such a thing..Its just some holy men here who want to keep women out of as much places as possible..Let people decide themselves whether they want to enter the temple or masjid..Why do we want to act moral policie even within the premises of God’s house..

 

 

If talking against this moral policing of religious freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

Gosh,this is such a long post..I hope atleast a few people will read it in complete.. What we need is freedom from ourselves and the first step is to be financially independent and then from cultural restrictions..Culture in itself is beautiful,it makes life worthwhile and personalized ..But some stone age aspects as like ‘womanhood is in housekeeping and child bearing” and that ‘working woman is not a complete women as she pays less attention to family and house’ ,’boy is more holier than girl’ etc etc etc are simply stereotypes and its high time we get rid of all those things..

 

 

 

These are my thoughts on feminism..With this post,I will be taking a break from the world of blogging..Life is taking a turn and we are not very sure of which road we are heading upon..I hope everything ends up well soon and do include me in your prayers..I thank all of you for your kind and generous support and encouragement..I have learned lot and I have met some great people through my e-life..I don’t know how have you perceived my thoughts,but I never meant to be communal or biased..My apologies for all those hurtful words I said.I wish you all happiness and success in life..Good day..Peace.