Posts Tagged ‘ love ’

Public Display of Affection-How much is too much

Toady, I read an elaborate article and slideshow on Obamas PDA(public Disply of Affection)..Oh well,honestly speaking,I felt so good and happy for them as a wife and husband..The joy,the love,its all visible in their eyes when they look into each others eyes..The way they seem to listen to each other,the way they danced..I just loved it.One cannot fake such emotions on every occasion,so to me,they truly seem to be in love with each other..Good luck to Obamas and me too..lol…

obama1

 

obama2This made me think on how much or to which extent in PDA acceptable in India..Lol,I just knew that PDA is banned or unacceptable in India,by the Supreme court of Justice.Well,this is a two year old news and it is my problem that I didn’t read it and hence reacting late..Please bear with me .

So what is wrong with displaying one’s love towards the partner.If you don’t like it,just don’t look at it,isn’t it as simple as that..??I am not talking about those high volatge acts like french kissing and stuff on streets..No sane person would do that.Apart from that,what is wrong in holding hands,or small small hugs doesn’t do any harm,do they?I know that I sound dumb by sayign this because ‘right’ is subjective and people are always keen to push forward the ‘limits’..But we are being too rigid by looking down at people who just hold hands and walk or maybe give a sponatenous kiss or hug..Afterall,it all happens just like that and we can’t just blame them for it.

 

In my class,we had a few ‘couples’ who were deeeeply in love(interstingly,they all married somebody else later in life…aggrrrh) ..For every break we had,these three sets would come on to behind the last row of benches and would start these acts of PDA..Sorry guys,no offence meant,but it was all disguting ..I never(read not often) stared at them to avoid myself getting embarassed,but few times I saw them putting hands into each others dress,the girl playing with guy’s shirts buttons,the guy playing with her hair,hell it was all embarrassing that we all girls would not dare to sit inside the classroom during lunch break.Since I was a chota neta then,all girls asked me to talk to these couples and ask them to keep limits as their acts were gaining popularity within the college and thereby making our class famous(read infamous) It was the most embarassing moment of my life when I asked them(all of them my best friends) to ‘Pls take care because we few fellow beings are sitting here..’..ROFL I can’t believe now that I did this.Nevermind,my point is,the problem with their PDA was that they didn’t know how and where to keep limits and hence their acts of love or care became disgusting in our eyes..

Of course it is not a personal business and hence the name public display of affection.Neverthless,I would have felt great for them if they had just held hands or have an occassional hug or like stuff..But acting like a wife and husband as in a bedroom,doing it in classroom because of lack of space in not at all acceptable.To those who would complain ,I used to tell that  ‘They are in love,so it doesn’t matter’..But how real and how practical was my answer ..I have doubts now.What do you think on ‘How much is too much’??

 

Good day to all..

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How easy is it to undergo a divorce?

A few days ago,my dearo Cris had written a great post on “About Divorces”.I felt touched by her words,but I am not sure if I agree to all what she said..

 

When a marriage goes to a level where you find yourself unhappy all day and night long, when you realize beyond doubt you can never work it out –what was the point in clinging on?

 mmm,well,I  don’t know..But is it that easy to end it all??Maybe we keep trying to set things right for reasons and for people around..

 

Why was it so important that you had to stick with the person till end of life no matter what?

 Maybe you love him/her a lot deep inside.. Or maybe one is insecure of the future..

 

Wasn’t marriage all about making your life happier by spending it with someone you love and care about?

 Is it really so in reality?Agreed that we expect to live with someone whom we love and care.But what about the associated strings attached-socially and emotionally?What if there isn’t much love,but just that ‘it keeps going’ kinda stuff?i.e,there isn’t neither much love nor any hate..In such situations,aren’t we not to keep working on making betterment in the relationship?

 

When that love and care is not there, why would you choose to ignore it and go on with your lives unhappily? 

 As I said,in most cases,its not the absence of love and care,but the incompleteness that causes distress in day to day life..Afterall,nobody is perfect.So  automatically,one gets accustomed to it and move on with life..in the same rail.

 

Cause divorce was still “evil”, unheard of and a shame to kith and kin. People choose to make their own lives unhappy to have the world around them believe they are happy. An idea that always goes above my head. 

 Yeah,sad fact..

 

She sums up that if there is no love in marriage,there is no point in hanging on,even if it is justified as ‘for kids sake’ and that bad marriages can have bad effects on kids.And she ends it up as

 

If you wanted to avoid divorce, take a lot of care on whom you marry – that’s where your decision really matters. But then humans make mistakes and a mistake may be hard to avoid, but not so hard to correct.

  

Cris strongly feels that it is ‘love’ that matters the most in a marriage.Personally,I think love don’t even need comprise 50% of marriage..I have read somewhere that a successful marriage needs

 

  • Compatibility and Compassion
  • Communication
  • Expectations built together
  • Intimacy and Sexuality
  • Recognizing each others Personalities and Family relationships
  • Conflict Resolution abilities
  • Long-term Goals
  • Family Planning and Rearing of children

Its not just love ,but much more and marriage won’t run smoothly just like that..You keep trying more and more hard day by day..You keep trying refining yourself and try to fit into the mould everyday..Trust me,you can’t change a person.So better you change yourself,if you need peace and serenity .

 

It is easy to say “If you don’t like it and if you can’t make it,get out of the relationship’.. It seems a joke, considering that the person saying this is well aware of situations in India, and how ‘well’ a divorcee is looked ‘up’ on at.The bloody sexist society has no issues with the man involved.Afterall,it is the woman/wife who should have adjusted and sewed up the conflicts and it is her inability to maintain a family that the divorce happened.They say ‘What if the fiancee is a drunkard or chain smoker,if thw wife tries well,and if she is smart ,he will quit it all..”..Dogs,how is it that the responsibility of changing or reforming a waste man falls on the shoulders of a stranger woman? Why not the mother and father act smart and get rid of the bad charater rather than expecting a strange woman/wife to do it and later blame it on her ‘You are not being a real good wife’..duh..

 

The girl’s family takes a deep breath when she is married off.In real,they don’t expect her to come back anyday.Sugarcoated words don’t work in long term.Not to imagine of a situation where a woman has to go back to her home which is a joint family.If she has kids,she is accused of having deprived her kids ‘father’s love’.The neighbors ,the in laws in the house,the relatives,everybody wants to know the story and then point fingers saying ’You did not try well to make it’..

 

I strongly believe that all the above could have been avoided if the lady was educated and could secure a job and live separately with her kids so that she won’t have to see others face every morning..Not to forget the initial economic difficulties..But then again,it could be dealt with properly if she still has the dowry her parents gave her.She could start a living of her own without begging to others.I wish all ladies had the choice to keep their dowry to themselves so that it may be of use to them later at some point of life. 

 

I got carried away from the topic..Sorry for that.My point is that divorce is not that easy as Cris says it.Even if there is lot of dissatisfaction,one would prefer to hang on,fearing the situation that would arise late-divorce.Also,I disagee with Cris on that kids benefit from getting out of bad marriage.Agreed if there is physical abuse involved.But otherwise,its better to hang on for kids sake as they are plunged into the web of insecurity, conflicts of loyalty towards both parents, psychological disorders and much more..If you don’t care about kids,don’t produce kids..They are here in this world ,because you choose to and hence it is your responsibility to give them a good environment for healthy development.

Its all a web..Its not easy to get out of it once you are into it.Success is in finding happiness in what you are and what you have.Yeah,maybe you will develop lower self-esteem for youself,but it maybe worth it.

 

 

p.s

 

I am a happily married lady .You may feel odd why am I saying so..Well,last day ,a near and dear one of mine said that ‘you can’t write about a topic unless you experience it’.(I was reading on marital rape and he/she asked me if I am undergoing thru such a situation..I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry)So now that I have written about divorce,it doesn’t mean that I have issues with my marriage and that I am going to divorce..Phew..Pity myself of explaining and justifying my thoughts in public.

 

Holding hands..for a lifetime.

A re-post..This earlier post of mine is the most read,search engine queried one till date..I am glad more n more people are trying to hold hands 🙂

 

“The spaces between your fingers were created so that another’s could fill them in”.This quote had always remained my favorite.Ever wondered about the depth of message they convey!

 

To hold someone’s hand is to offer them affection,protection or comfort.It is a way to communicate and telling them silently “I am here,with you..”Holding hands remains a sign of intimacy between friends and lovers,couples and family,keeping two people together as they navigate the world around them.People hold hands for several reasons such as; a gesture of friendship ,or of love;acknowledgment of one’s presence or as sign of respect as in a handshake;a part of religious service or ritual;to enjoy physical contact;for emotional support;to guide ,as with a child , a blind person ,or an elderly;to urge someone to follow,to dance and on many more instances..

 

The symbolic meaning of holding hands varies for different cultures and gender. A personal relationship that does not involve any sexual behavior, e.g. friendship, may also involve physical intimacy.  In western culture it is often more among female than among male friends; the latter may want to avoid associations with  homosexuality. In other cultures, such as Arab culture, men may hold hands with no implication of homosexuality.Many East Asian cultures typically encourage relatively little body contact between friends, acquaintances, and members of the same sex. Even among family members and spouses, traditionally, there are fewer public displays of affection.

 

A man and a woman who are friends may avoid physical intimacy to avoid associations with sexuality or emotional intimacy, in order not to appear to be in a relationship. This is especially true if one or both of them is already in a relationship with another person.

 

Physical closeness may also be involuntary, as in a crowded train or elevator.Every touch is not with sexual intention.I wonder why some people seem to view the world only through their own glasses.That’s gross.

 

Hand holding depends on the relationship established with the person whose hand is being held and their willingness to accept the intended gesture based upon their understanding of its origin and significance.Some people are more into public displays of affection than others,as some avoid much touching in public and will avoid it for their own reasons,even if they are quite intimate and loving in private.Sometimes,holding hands can be an aggressive gesture of sign of control or dominance in a relationship.If a man grabs a woman’s hands and drags her along behind him,this may not be a much of gesture of closeness,but a gesture of dominance..

 

To add,the dream interpretation of ‘holding hands’ is given as “Holding hands or other positive interaction with hands can represent good will or affection that you feel towards someone, that you believe someone feels towards you, or you wish you were receiving.”

 

Nonsexual touch and other signs of affection strengthens your marriage relationships,creating a comforting and calming atmosphere in your home,builds more trust between the two of you,and deepens your intimacy with one another.A research of 16 marrried woemn who scored high on marriage-satisfaction inventory showed that simply holding their husband’s hand eased both physical sign of stress and their brain’s responses to pain.For all these reasons,I love to hold my husband’s hands when we go outside.I feel a feel of security and comfort.(but I think he is bit embarassed about it).Holding your parents hands when they are in stress will do wonders on relieving their stress.Hold your sister’s or brother’s hands when you cross road,see them smile at you lovingly and read their eyes telling you “Thank you for being there”.During college days,I had many many friends whom I could hold hands and could lean upon their shoulders and take a deep breath to hear their heart’s wishper “I am here for you Nimmy”..Those moments are treasured deep inside my heart and nothing on earth and heaven above can take its place..

 

When was it the last time you held you dear ones hands and said silently “I care for you,and I am here for you no matter what”.Time will not wait for me and you.Before you lose your loved ones,tell them how much they mean to you and make yours and theirs day a wonderful one.Good luck!!

 

 

p.s :I didn’t take these pictures.I got it from internet,a few months ago and saved it randomly,forgetting to save the source.I cannot link to it since the source is not available now,even after hours of search..I apologize to the creator for not acknowledging your work..Thanks and sorry..