Posts Tagged ‘ women ’

How easy is it to undergo a divorce?

A few days ago,my dearo Cris had written a great post on “About Divorces”.I felt touched by her words,but I am not sure if I agree to all what she said..

 

When a marriage goes to a level where you find yourself unhappy all day and night long, when you realize beyond doubt you can never work it out –what was the point in clinging on?

 mmm,well,I  don’t know..But is it that easy to end it all??Maybe we keep trying to set things right for reasons and for people around..

 

Why was it so important that you had to stick with the person till end of life no matter what?

 Maybe you love him/her a lot deep inside.. Or maybe one is insecure of the future..

 

Wasn’t marriage all about making your life happier by spending it with someone you love and care about?

 Is it really so in reality?Agreed that we expect to live with someone whom we love and care.But what about the associated strings attached-socially and emotionally?What if there isn’t much love,but just that ‘it keeps going’ kinda stuff?i.e,there isn’t neither much love nor any hate..In such situations,aren’t we not to keep working on making betterment in the relationship?

 

When that love and care is not there, why would you choose to ignore it and go on with your lives unhappily? 

 As I said,in most cases,its not the absence of love and care,but the incompleteness that causes distress in day to day life..Afterall,nobody is perfect.So  automatically,one gets accustomed to it and move on with life..in the same rail.

 

Cause divorce was still “evil”, unheard of and a shame to kith and kin. People choose to make their own lives unhappy to have the world around them believe they are happy. An idea that always goes above my head. 

 Yeah,sad fact..

 

She sums up that if there is no love in marriage,there is no point in hanging on,even if it is justified as ‘for kids sake’ and that bad marriages can have bad effects on kids.And she ends it up as

 

If you wanted to avoid divorce, take a lot of care on whom you marry – that’s where your decision really matters. But then humans make mistakes and a mistake may be hard to avoid, but not so hard to correct.

  

Cris strongly feels that it is ‘love’ that matters the most in a marriage.Personally,I think love don’t even need comprise 50% of marriage..I have read somewhere that a successful marriage needs

 

  • Compatibility and Compassion
  • Communication
  • Expectations built together
  • Intimacy and Sexuality
  • Recognizing each others Personalities and Family relationships
  • Conflict Resolution abilities
  • Long-term Goals
  • Family Planning and Rearing of children

Its not just love ,but much more and marriage won’t run smoothly just like that..You keep trying more and more hard day by day..You keep trying refining yourself and try to fit into the mould everyday..Trust me,you can’t change a person.So better you change yourself,if you need peace and serenity .

 

It is easy to say “If you don’t like it and if you can’t make it,get out of the relationship’.. It seems a joke, considering that the person saying this is well aware of situations in India, and how ‘well’ a divorcee is looked ‘up’ on at.The bloody sexist society has no issues with the man involved.Afterall,it is the woman/wife who should have adjusted and sewed up the conflicts and it is her inability to maintain a family that the divorce happened.They say ‘What if the fiancee is a drunkard or chain smoker,if thw wife tries well,and if she is smart ,he will quit it all..”..Dogs,how is it that the responsibility of changing or reforming a waste man falls on the shoulders of a stranger woman? Why not the mother and father act smart and get rid of the bad charater rather than expecting a strange woman/wife to do it and later blame it on her ‘You are not being a real good wife’..duh..

 

The girl’s family takes a deep breath when she is married off.In real,they don’t expect her to come back anyday.Sugarcoated words don’t work in long term.Not to imagine of a situation where a woman has to go back to her home which is a joint family.If she has kids,she is accused of having deprived her kids ‘father’s love’.The neighbors ,the in laws in the house,the relatives,everybody wants to know the story and then point fingers saying ’You did not try well to make it’..

 

I strongly believe that all the above could have been avoided if the lady was educated and could secure a job and live separately with her kids so that she won’t have to see others face every morning..Not to forget the initial economic difficulties..But then again,it could be dealt with properly if she still has the dowry her parents gave her.She could start a living of her own without begging to others.I wish all ladies had the choice to keep their dowry to themselves so that it may be of use to them later at some point of life. 

 

I got carried away from the topic..Sorry for that.My point is that divorce is not that easy as Cris says it.Even if there is lot of dissatisfaction,one would prefer to hang on,fearing the situation that would arise late-divorce.Also,I disagee with Cris on that kids benefit from getting out of bad marriage.Agreed if there is physical abuse involved.But otherwise,its better to hang on for kids sake as they are plunged into the web of insecurity, conflicts of loyalty towards both parents, psychological disorders and much more..If you don’t care about kids,don’t produce kids..They are here in this world ,because you choose to and hence it is your responsibility to give them a good environment for healthy development.

Its all a web..Its not easy to get out of it once you are into it.Success is in finding happiness in what you are and what you have.Yeah,maybe you will develop lower self-esteem for youself,but it maybe worth it.

 

 

p.s

 

I am a happily married lady .You may feel odd why am I saying so..Well,last day ,a near and dear one of mine said that ‘you can’t write about a topic unless you experience it’.(I was reading on marital rape and he/she asked me if I am undergoing thru such a situation..I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry)So now that I have written about divorce,it doesn’t mean that I have issues with my marriage and that I am going to divorce..Phew..Pity myself of explaining and justifying my thoughts in public.

 

Proposed Kerala Muslim Marriage bill-A great step towards a noble cause

In a progressive and bold step towards the reform of Muslim Personal Law, the Kerala Law Reforms Commission has drafted a bill which will curb and check the practices of polygamy and divorce through Talaq among Muslims in the state.

 

 

Essentially neither is it a bill with radical stand nor is it revolutionary in terms of its features. In fact almost all of its features are there in the Shariah law. For instance it doesn’t ban polygamy nor does it ban the concept of talaq among Muslims. The only thing that it does that it tries to regulate the indiscreet marriages and divorces in the community.

 

 

One has to understand that the legal issues related to Muslim personal laws like that of divorce, marriage, inheritance are usually dealt with by the respective Shariah bodies. There is no mechanism in Shariah framework (as it is being practically implemented in India) where the people who violate the Shariah laws are held accountable to their misdeeds and punitive measures are applied to them.So if a person remarries or misuses the provision of talaq he can and in most of the cases, he does easily get away with this because there is no effective mechanism in the existing Shariah based Muslim Personal Law Board which could ensure that he is punished as per the existing punitive measures available in the Shariah.

 

 

The Indian Constitution doesn’t provide the organizations like Muslim Personal Law Board (who claim to have the exclusive rights of representation of personal law related issues of Indian Muslims) legal legitimacy. So this Bill seeks to address the implementation of the punitive aspect in the cases of all the discreet remarriage and divorces

 

 

The draft Bill titled “The Kerala Muslim Marriage and Dissolution by Talaq (Regulation) Bill” seeks to legislate that ‘monogamy shall be the rule’ and that ‘marrying again during the lifetime of husband or wife is an offence.’ However, the proposed Bill provides for remarriage by husband in exceptional cases “with the (wife’s) consent in writing before a notary public or a judicial officer expressing her consent to the second marriage and briefly giving her reasons for the consent.”

 

 

The Law Reforms Commission’s proposed law aims to “declare that, among the Muslims in Kerala, monogamy is the general rule and polygamy a just exception, permissible only in socially exceptional circumstances and that also subject to compassionate conditions, and to provide further that divorce by talaq can be effected only subject to special conditions.” It wants that “if any married Muslim, man or woman, marries again during the subsistence of the first marriage, the party who violates shall be guilty of bigamy under the Indian Penal Code and punishable as such.”

 

 

The proposed law makes it mandatory that all Muslim marriages and divorces be registered with the local registrar of marriages. The most important provision in the proposed law is the constitution of a ‘conciliation council,’ to be set up in each district, to regulate Muslim remarriages and divorces. The council, to be set up by the State government, will have a retired district judge or magistrate from the Muslim community as its head.

 

 

The man, permitted to take a second wife, “shall be liable to provide reasonable accommodation and privacy as well as just alimony or maintenance sufficient for the wife to sustain herself in reasonable comfort.”The proposed law also says that marriage of Muslim shall be contract. It also says that “the female spouse shall be entitled to divorce only through court or with the approval of the conciliation council on grounds of irretrievable breakdown irreparable by conciliation

 

 

It has sought a variety of responses from the Muslim community be it the common masses or its intellectual class. Moreover it has created a debate in the community to ponder over the effects of polygamy and talaq on the community.

 

 

The bill has sought positive responses almost from all the women’s activists across the religious, political and ideological divides. They have been pitching for the bill and mobilizing forces to pressurize the government to legislate the bill.

 

 

According to Febeena Seethi, the president of Kerala Women’s Front, polygamy is a double edged sword in the sense that it can be useful but it can also be a way to exploit women. Usually it becomes a way of exploitation of women where their lives are made miserable because of it. “There should be a women and a religious scholar in the conciliation councils.” She explained that the representation of women and a religious scholar is very important. The religious scholar will help in avoiding any kind of controversy and the woman member will .

 

 

A big section of all the people who support the Bill feel that it is high time that reform must happen in the Muslim Shariah law or Muslim Personal Law. So their support of the bill can be seen as motivated by an effort to bring about some kind of balance between the Shariah laws and changed circumstances of the modern times. Likewise Dr. Feebina also expressed an urgent need for the reforms in the Muslim Personal Laws.Finally she pointed out that it has been experienced that legislations alone have never been sufficient to control some practice or any person. For instance – dowry. Since the first legislation on Dowry many more laws have been made but only to increase the number of dowry cases.

 

 

The misuse of Talaq and polygamy can only be stopped with a change in the attitude of men and for this we need a war like campaigning against the both practices by every medium and every suitable platform. Dr. Seethi also pointed out that almost every woman’s organization has supported the bill.As far as most of the Muslim organizations are concerned they favor the bill in some cases with few suggestions and concerns to be addressed and included in the bill. So to a large extent there is no opposition to the Bill, in fact he went on to the extent of saying people have hardly opposed the bill on religious grounds at least. The reason is that today most of the progressive organizations want the reform in the Shariah Laws.

 

There hasn’t been any strong opposition to the bill as such except by few orthodox Muslim organizations like Samastha Kerala Jamiatul Ulama and Kerala Jamiatul Ulama. Both these organizations are completely rejecting the Bill. They have termed it as interference in the Shariah Laws by the secular Indian law.But their opposition also is complicated by the fact that their office bearers and some leaders have supported the Bill individually. In their religious lectures these people have accepted the problems created by the polygamy and expressed the need for the law to check those problems as pointed out by Mr. M Ebrahim of the Madhyamam daily.

 

 

As far as the coverage of this issue by the mainstream media in Kerala is concerned, Mr. Shareef refers to a very dangerous precedent; which is to sensationalize and controversialize every issue related to Muslims even if the issue is very simple.

 

So in spite of the fact there hasn’t been a strong opposition to the Bill by the Muslims in the state except few orthodox organization, instead of highlighting the moderate voices media is trying to pick up the few voices of opposition to the Bill and portray the whole community as backward and non-progressive.

 

 

People in the Sunni Cultural Centre pointed out that the main reason for the opposition by A.P. Aboobaker Musliar (yeah,the same old guy whom we discussed here) is the fact that for them the bill seems to be an attempt to encroach and “interfere” in the area which otherwise has been the exclusive domain of the Muslim religious bodies like All India Muslim Personal Law Board.They accept that there should be reforms in the Shariah laws but that reform should be initiated from within the Shariah law and by people in who are expert in the Shariah laws: because they want the reforms to be essentially within the framework of Islamic Shariah.

 

 

A very interesting answer to the argument of the Shariah bodies lies in the fact that in several Muslim countries triple talaq has been banned or restricted.

 

 

And what the Muslim women’s rights and progressive sections of the community like Dr. Feebina Seethi say is that the Muslim bodies on the Shariah laws have been hearing the calls for reforms since a very long time but they haven’t yet come up with any kinds of plan and strategy for the reforms in the Shariah laws which is actually one of the most important demands of the modern times.So when there is no hope of reform from within the clergy fraternity then the bill represents a saner and sensible attempt to bring about that reform.

 

Resources:

http://www.twocircles.net/

http://www.outlookindia.com/pti_news.asp?id=630467

 

 

 

P.S

 

I didn’t write this article..I just gathered information from different sources,from links provided.All I intend is to spread the word..Thanks for reading and Good day to o all..

 

How do we program the baby machine to output baby boys alone?

Numerous scientific studies being conducted worldwide today link a mother’s diet to the sex of the child. These studies talk about high calorie diets that ‘boost’ chances of a baby boy; mete out advice for wannabe mums: cereals for a boy, diet for a girl! Are we still obsessed with having a male child?

 

They reflect the age-old desire, rather, obsession, for the male child not only in India but in the West too. Yes, astonishing as it may sound, an increasing number of studies are being conducted worldwide that advise mothers-to-be on diets and practices to be followed for a baby boy. (more..)

 

Yeah,again an age old topic which has been talked about again and again and again..But when I read this article yesterday,some interesting points kept bothering me..

A glimpse at the census figures shows a dwindling sex ratio in the country. The number of girls for every 1,000 boys in India has fallen to 927 in 2001 from 962 in 1981. In some states the men have to look elsewhere for brides.

 

In India, we have many reasons for this Boy-syndrome.The practice is particularly difficult to stop because families’ preference for boys has deep cultural roots: Boys don’t require dowries, they stay home after they get married, and they’re allowed to light their parents’ funeral pyres..When boys ‘repay’ the resources the take up till adulhood  and as they stay back and look after the parents during their old age..So basically,producing a boy is a long term investment.Wheres all resources spent on a girl is a profitable investment..Moreover,one needs to spent hell lot of money in the form of dowry..So obviously,having a boy is a double bonaza-he puts in his own money and brings money from somebody else’s purse too.Another factor,male child helps retain family name for long and long and long.Once you have a boy,you are relieved and you pass on the burden of passing the baton onto his shoulders..

 

Around me, I have seen many instances,where the lady doesn’t want a third kid,but people around her,sick syndrome people around her,force her to have a third baby..WHY?Because she is ‘infortunate’ to have two daughters,and hence she SHOULD try a ‘better’ luck third time..If she have a daughter again,she is doomed for ever,especially if in a joint family..I still remember people,especially women folks,sighing and ranting “Oh,poor she..Girl again”..When I phoned them to congratulate on birth of baby,many of them were like mourning..What the hell…I felt really bad,for I am too to hear this phase if I am ‘doomed’ to have girls alone.This happened in a urban society,so it will be great if we don’t make comments as “This happens is rural areas only”..The more urbanized,the more female unfriendly it becomes..The least number of females happen to be in Delhi and Mumbai(refer source)..Are they rural undeveloped,uneducated areas?

 

Many of them tell me things will change in course of time..I don’t see anything changing..Oh yeah,its changing,in the reverse direction..More educated the girl is,the more dowry she ought to pay..Dowry is an evil that exists due to WOMEN themselves..Many girls eye on more gold and money given by father during wedding..I always felt ashamed to take so much of gold and money from my father..As a parent,he has done his duties well by educating me and providing me a good environment to grow mentally and healthy..Once I am an adult,it is my turn to work and make money myself,if it matters.Leaving aside the rant,girls even today just add a extra expenditure on to the family.So again,boys are preferred.

 

Let us not talk about female infanticide,those jelly blob that go down the drain..I gulped that rant..Maybe women themselves do it as to avoided being ‘doomed’ as referred to above..

 

We are so bothered about preserving our culture..We need boys to light our dead body,and thus go to heaven.As far as I now,both Hindus and Muslims don’t permit girls to take part in funeral (Muslims women can’t go to masjid,where the body is buried,Hindu women can’t light the fire right?)So,for our after-life serenity,which daughter can’t contribute to,we prefer boys..

 

Having ranted all this,let’s look into how long this baton of extending culture and family name for long and long will happen in practical sense..According to 2001 census,except in Kerala(wow!),for every 1000 males,there are lesser females..Look into the source for details.. As per 2001,we have 933 women for 1000 men.What do you think these 67 men in 1000 will do?We have a ‘small’ population of 1,027,015,247

·       Males          531,277,078
Females      495,738,169

 

So,what do you think these surplus 3,55,38,909 men will do?That isn’t a ‘negligibly small’ number,is it?

 

Assuming that 50 lakh men out of 3.5 crore will turn saints,let us talk about rest of 3 crore alone..

 

People still go out of the country in search of jobs..Let us assume that 1 crore men from the rest will marry women from those foreign places,don’t blame them..They have no balance brides here in India..So,that makes 1 crore foreign daughter-in-laws integrated to so-called precious culture of our nation ..Some of  these males born out of baby boy-syndrome may fall in this category and I am glad that their add value to their parents cultural roots..I am not being too optimistic ,but i hope we’ll have as many as possible cultural cross connection as to add value to our those parents culture. 🙄

 

Ok,now deal with 2 crore men..They are too narrow minded to marry out of race and they can’t become saints either..What do you think these 2 crore men will do..?I am waiting for my dear readers to give me an answer..

 

 

 

P.S:

I hope people will realize some day that it is not the sex,but the health and long life of new born baby that matters..**sigh***

 

Winning the war-through women..

Lately,all my attention is struck over Kashmir.Days and days pass by,with nothing much happening on the brighter side.Stories on human rights violation,contributed to a major extent by our own Indian Army,is heart breaking.Maybe Kashmiris are wrong.But does two wrongs makes things right?

 

 

Kashmir is place which is turning out to be goldmine for army and politicians. They need to ensure that the state of trouble remains the same, atleast for their life span as to make the most out of it for selfish motives. Militants on the other hand keep the area in unrest,and have random verses from Quran to ‘justify’, no matter what evil they are doing. India has an estimated 700,000 soldiers in Kashmir, fighting nearly a dozen rebel groups since 1989. In many areas, the region has the feel of an occupied country, with soldiers in full combat gear patrolling streets and frisking civilians

  

After some reading, for some reason, I started asking myself,” Wouldn’t I have been a ‘terrorist’ if me or people around me were subjected to such brutality, for years in row. If a person is wrong, go punish him. Instead, there is a systemic procedure of torturing the culprit’s parents, wife/husband, kids or other friends. How is that right?

I wonder why there isn’t any legitimate source to get information about total causalities in Kashmir. Is it something that ought to be hidden? Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn’t find any authentic source for retrieving such statistics. Still, general reading tells me that hundreds of people are tortured, thousand of children orphaned, women widowed, raped and molested. For some reason, I was greatly disturbed on thinking why the hell women are abused, though the ‘war’ is between men on both sides. Random and disturbing thoughts made me look more into the particular matter

Rape continues to be a major instrument of repression against the Kashmiri people while the majority of casualties in Kashmir are civilians. The Indian authorities have also steadfastly refused to allow any independent monitoring of the situation. The International Federation of Human Rights and the Amnesty International have also been denied permission to visit.

The sexual exploitation of women by people in power is not just a women’s issue. It needs to be addressed by society as a whole. Both the Army and the militants have been using rape as a war weapon. Rape in war is not a matter of physical desire. It is rather a question of power and control. It is the best tool to demoralize people intellectually and spiritually. It is not a matter or exploitation but a well-thought-out and planned propaganda.

 

I wonder and pity the mentality of oppressing a group of people by doing this..Why don’t you put them in jail or shoot them to death. Why rape instead?To die of humiliation? Will they keep on doing this until the last girl, even the one in womb is torn off? I have no wonder why father, brother of husband of such women take law in their hands. What would you do when you watch your wife or daughter or sister getting molested? Go eat pizza?

 

The next set of people, so-called Islamic fundamentalists are out to pour acid over women’s faces if they don’t wear Pardha. Hell, who gave them the right to force religion on others? Did Allah send them an email? When did Islam lose its soul? Well, what more to talk on people who don’t follow any war ethics, instead go blast bombs killing women and children and civilians.

 

Women in Kashmir have also been raped and killed after being abducted by rival militant groups and held as hostages for their male relatives. It is also a way to punish women suspected of being sympathetic to the opposition.

 

This is not a post on women, and not on Muslim women or Hindu women.. Muslim women are abused by Army and Hindu women are abused by militants. Maybe I am silly to feel so angry and frustrated because I just knew about this age old ‘war-technique’ that can be tracked back to biblical times.. And it makes me feel more bad that Army I always used to be proud of keeping guard of whole nation is indulging in such matter.. Several human rights violations have been charged against Indian Army. Interestingly, Indian government doesn’t allow Human rights observers.. Why? I am very sad that my nation’s Army turned out just like American one.. All such unauthorized torturing, disappearances, custody deaths.. and mostly abusing women duh..

 

Sadly, there isn’t proper recording of such crimes due to social stigma against the victim and for fear of more oppression. Army has different set of rules (court marshalling and like) to deal with such crimes, and trials never end in punishments, which atmost in just getting suspended.. May be The Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act of 1958 (AFSPA) is what makes them feel like doing anything whatever they want. Under this Act, all security forces are given unrestricted and unaccounted power to carry out their operations, once an area is declared disturbed. Even a non-commissioned officer is granted the right to shoot to kill based on mere suspicion that it is necessary to do so in order to “maintain the public order”.

 

This is not a propaganda against loyal soldiers who give their lives for the nation .But sad but truly, this war rape is happening in places like Kashmir and north-east parts of India,and the number can’t be tracked back to fingers,but to thousands.. Maybe that’s why those people don’t like being part of India, as it is the soldiers that represent us. Generalizing is injustice, but I never told that all soldiers are  the same..

 

 

 

Read more

 

Women in Kashmir suffer rape, molestation, kin’s disappearances, psychological trauma and torture

http://www.combatlaw.org/information.php?issue_id=36&article_id=997

 

Sex abuse issue in Kashmir has some designs

 

http://www.merinews.com/catFull.jsp?articleID=163

 

Rape As A Weapon Of War And A Tool Of Political Repression

http://www.hrw.org/about/projects/womrep/General-21.htm

War rape

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_rape

http://www.hrdc.net/sahrdc/resources/armed_forces.htm

 

Get educated as to get abused more!

Now that’s a contradictory statement, isn’t it? I had always been deluded into the notion that domestic violence happens with those women who are less educated, who have low self-esteem and are intimidated to seek help. Sadly, the fact tells it otherwise. Contradicting the notion that domestic violence is primarily a problem afflicting the socially marginalized, it is found that women with higher education are up to 50 percent more likely to fall victim to violence.

 

 

Violence against women is an issue throughout the world. But every community adds its own dimensions to perpetuate the violence. Cultural evils like dowry demands, social evils like alcoholism, patriarchy and its stereotypes add as fuel to make the situation more pathetic. Much has been discussed about domestic violence on various levels of society. Domestic violence being a broad topic, with different issues as causes, dealing with it, consequences and like,I’ld like to focus on correlation between level of education and rate of abuse.

 

 

Talk of domestic violence usually conjures up images of poor, illiterate women, unaware of their rights and economically dependent on their husbands for survival. In a recent study that examined domestic abuse in Egypt, Chile, India, and the Philippines, the evidence shows that domestic violence knows no boundaries of race, class, or geography. What surprised some was that in India, the higher a woman’s education the more likely it is that she will be abused.

 

 

“Kumud Sharma of the Centre for Women’s Development Studies in New Delhi traced the correlation between education and domestic violence to patriarchal attitudes. “Educated women are aware of their rights,” she said. “They are no longer willing to follow commands blindly. When they ask questions, it causes conflicts, which, in turn, leads to violence. In many Indian states, working women are asked to hand over their paycheck to the husband and have no control over their finances. So, if they stop doing so or start asserting their right, there is bound to be friction.”

Domestic violence experts say the problem in India stems from a cultural bias against women who challenge their husband’s right to control their behavior. Women who do this—even by asking for household money or stepping out of the house without their permission–are seen as punishable. This process leads men to believe their notion of masculinity and manhood is reflected to the degree to which they control their wives.”

 

The reasons include neglecting children, going out without telling partner, arguing with partner, refusing to have sex, not preparing food properly or on time and talking with other men!

 

 

Education is hardly the key to fight this menace. Educated women also keep quiet about being physically abused. sometimes it’s for the children, sometimes they make excuses for their husbands and other times they think they brought it on themselves, some just are too embarrassed to talk about it because it deprives them from the little self esteem they have left.  

 

 

Although men’s preoccupation with controlling their wives declines with age–as does the incidence of domestic violence–researchers found that the highest rates of domestic violence were among highly educated men. Thirty-two percent of men with zero years of education and 42 percent men with one-to-five years of education reported domestic violence. Among men with six-to-10 years of education–as well as those with high-school education and higher–this figure increased to 57 percent.

 

 

Around two-third of married women in India were victims of domestic violence .Noting that women with tangible economic assets were less likely to be victims of domestic violence than those who lack them, the report cited Kerala as an example.

“In Kerala, a survey found that 49 per cent women without property reported domestic violence compared with only seven per cent who owned property,”

 

 

The survey says that women in several countries justify wife-beating for one reason or another. Some say the biggest problem is convincing the women that they do not deserve abuse.” Most women who face domestic violence think it’s a normal part of their life, it’s a part of being a wife, daughter or a sister in law,” says Manjima Bhattacharya, who works for Jagori, a group that uses music and theatre to spread awareness about domestic violence.

 

 

The consequences of gender-based violence are devastating, including life-long emotional distress, mental health issues and poor reproductive health. The adverse effects of domestic violence do not end with these or other health consequences for women alone; what makes domestic violence particularly insidious is its intergenerational effects. Children of mothers who have been abused have higher mortality rates, lower immunization rates, and in some countries are more likely to be undernourished than children of mothers who have not experienced domestic violence. There is also consistent evidence for additional disheartening intergenerational effects: Compared with children of mothers who have not been abused, female children of abused mothers are more likely to be abused as adults, and male children of abused mothers are more likely to be abusers as adults.

 

 

Hitting or abusing happens when there is no compassion in the relationship. Men and women need to learn to respect each other, understand that there is a certain way that the other needs to be treated. And perhaps more importantly, men and women need to learn how important self-respect is! Understand that you deserve respect, that you deserve to be treated a certain way, and you will never tolerate abuse. Perhaps then, more cases of abuse will be reported, and in turn, incidences of domestic violence can be curbed.

 

 

Second option would be communication – another solution to a lot of problems. Whatever the apple of discord, there is always a peaceful way of settling things. Talking things through usually clears up a lot of misconceptions and avoids an ugly mess. Unfortunately, in India, we believe in action and not in words… and for all the wrong reasons!

 

 

P.S:

·     I am aware of the fact that there are few bad women out there who misuse their rights, just for instance misuse of anti-dowry law in India. But only because a small percentage gets it wrong, the other majority is not bound to be burdened with the blame.

·     Not only women, men also get victimised.Either way, there isn’t any justification for abusing your spouses. They are not punching bags to vent out your ego frustrations.

 

 

Courtesy

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2946760.stm

http://yle.fi/news/id98725.html

http://www.childinfo.org/attitudes.html

http://www.prb.org/Articles/2004/DomesticViolenceinDevelopingCountriesAnIntergenerationalCrisis.aspx

 

 

 

Isn’t there a way out?

No introduction,no conclusion..just a few words”Please stop domestic violence.”

 

Women in India Abused by Husbands at Far Greater Risk for HIV Infection

“In a new study, researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH) have found that married Indian women who experienced physical and sexual abuse at the hands of their husbands were approximately four times more likely to become infected with HIV than married women who were not abused. This first large-scale, national study to examine the relationship between intimate partner violence (IPV) against wives and clinically verified HIV infection appears in the Aug. 13 issue of JAMA.”

The authors found that more than 95 percent of HIV-positive married Indian women report being monogamous, confirming earlier studies suggesting that the most likely source of HIV infection among Indian women is husbands’ extramarital risk behavior, including unprotected extramarital sex and sex with commercial sex workers.”

 

 

The final part of the article say it all..

 

“He added that feminization of HIV epidemics (that is, infections among women rising faster than among men) in both the United States and Africa are also considered, at least in part, to stem from women’s inability to shield themselves from unprotected sex based on the controlling and abusive behavior of male partners.”

Isn’t there a way out?

 

 

P.S:

  • India has the world’s third-largest number of people infected with HIV at 2.47 million cases
  • Islam hold best law concerning such **** men,stoning them to death.Nothing more,nothing less.

Quran asks men to beat their wife!!

This is a usual bash-tool used by many non-Muslims who have some idea of Quran.Interestingly, most Muslims justify/clarify the verse by arguments such as ‘beat with a toothpick’,’ don’t beat on face’ etc. But I myself cannot agree to any of these clarifications, simply because I believe that Allah is not somebody who would talk like this. Only tribal and egoistic people will try to make up problems by resorting to the technique of beating and shouting at each other….’Wife beating’ had always remained a topic of hot arguments.See below an  article talking about the right sense(according to my sense of justice and faith) ,what wife-beating in Quran is all about.

 

 

An excerpt from the article:

 

 

 Even in the best of marriages there are bound to be occasional discord or ill-will between the married couples. This can sometimes result in the wife being beaten up by the husband, but the justification for this is due to the misinterpretation of verse (4:34), which apparently seems to allow this. Let me quote the verse and then explain why this traditional translation is wrong.

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:34 
as for those women on whose part ye fear rebellion (nushuz), admonish them and banish them to beds apart, (and last) beat (adriboo) them. Then, if they obey you, seek not a way against them.

 

 

The key to the problem is the mistranslation of the two key words ‘nushuz’ and ‘adriboo’. Some of the possible meanings for both the words, according to the lexicon are given below. Again, the appropriate meaning will depend on the context of the verse.

·     Nushuz: Animosity, hostility, rebellion, ill-treatment, discord, violation of marital duties on the part of either husband or wife.

·     Adriboo (root Daraba): to beat, to strike, to hit, to separate, to part etc.

 

 

In the context of the above verse the most appropriate meaning for nushuz is ‘marital discord’ (ill-will, animosity etc), and that for ‘adriboo’ is ‘to separate’ or ‘to part’. Otherwise it is inviting the likelihood of a divorce without any reconciliation procedure and this will contravene the Qur’anic guidance as shown in verse 4:35 below. The separation could be temporary or permanent depending on the reconciliation procedure, and this fits in very well with the divorce procedure outlined in the Qur’an (see 8.5). Therefore the more accurate translation of the above verse would be:

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:34 
As for those women whose animosity or ill-will you have reason to fear, then leave them alone in bed, and then separate; and if thereupon they pay you heed, do not seek a way against them.

The verse following the above verse gives further weight to the above translation.

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:35 
And if ye fear a breach between them twain (the man and the wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever knower, Aware.

 

 

An added weight to the meanings outlined above is given by verse 4:128 (quoted below), where in the case of a man the same word nushuz is used, but it is translated as ‘ill-treatment’ as against ‘rebellion’ in the case of a woman in verse 4:34. Also as the ill-treatment is from the husband, a process of reconciliation is encouraged!

·     Sûrah al Nisa 4:128
If a wife fears ill-treatment (nushuz) or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best…..

 

 

This obviously is a double standard and the only way to reconcile the meanings of the two verses, in the contexts they are being used, is to accept the meaning of adriboo as: ‘to separate’ or to ‘part’. In this connection I would like to refer the reader to an excellent article from which I quote:

 

 

·        Qur’anic commentators and translators experience problems with the term Adribu in the Qur’an not just in this verse but in others, as it is used in different contexts in ways which appear ambiguous and open to widely different translations into English. ‘Daraba’ can be translated in more than a hundred different ways.

·       The translation of Adribu as ‘to strike’ in this particular verse (4:34) is founded upon nothing more than:
(i) The authority of hadiths (Abu Daud 2141 and Mishkat Al-Masabih 0276) that this is what Adribu means in this context.
(ii) The prejudices and environment of the early commentators of the Qur’an which led them to assume that ‘to strike’, given the overall context of the verse, is the most likely interpretation of the many possible interpretations of Adribu”.

http://members.aol.com/MAmalek2/qbook8.htm

 

Source:

 

http://www.crescentlife.com/thisthat/feminist20muslims/does_the_quran_sanction_the_beating_of_women.htm

 

Read more

http://www.islamawareness.net/Wife/beating1.html