Posts Tagged ‘ women ’

Why/why not should women dress modestly/provocatively?

Miss A : Hey hey,read what IHM has written about so called provocative dressing

Miss B: Yeah,I read it,she is talking about an idealistic society,where everybody is mature and is aware of one own responsibility.Idealism is good,but reality and practicality is different.

Miss A :Can you expand?

Miss B: Yup..See,she is right when she says that ‘She does not invite it’..But in a multicultural and multifaceted society,how can you expect everybody to belive in your version of right?

Miss A :I agree,everybody is free to have their own opinion and that is what my point is about.Women are individuals and they should be free to choose what they wear and how they carry themselves.

Miss B: Any woman should be able to wear what she wants anywhere, and for that matter, so should men, but if we go by that ideology, then nudism should be perfectly acceptable in all spheres of society too. We should all be able to keep our doors unlocked when we leave home and also to keep our valuables on the table unattended while we nip to the toilet in a busy cafe too.However, human nature is unpredictable and thus we must always be on our guard. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance”

Miss A : I agree,women who dare to break the so called norms should be prepared to face the consequencies of the effect that the dressing will bring-for instance eve teasing (yeah,I know I got into ‘blame the victim’ theory) But I still stand by what I said,women are free to wear what they like . If you don’t like it,don’t look at it.

Miss B: You messed it,In fact men like to look at such women who reveal their assets,who make private things public.

Miss A : Women don’t dress to please men,they dress to please themselves.

Miss B: Ha ha,if that was they case,why don’t they wear such revealing dress inside their house and in front of family alone ? When she wears it to public,the message is simple-that she feels good being looked at,maybe by men or maybe by women. Isn’t this ‘feel good’ thing called attention seeker?

Miss A : Oh well,some women like attention,but that doesn’t mean you can go and touch her.. Revealing dress is not a invitation for rape or abuse..

Miss B: Tell me are you offended if somebody pass comment on you while you walk down the street..

Miss A : Hell yes,I hate it.

Miss B: So tell me why do you dress in a way that will attract comments.?

Miss A :Passing comments is his problem,not mine.

Miss B: Agreed,but why do you get offended at somebody else’s comment if you feel you are right?

Miss A : ***Silence..***

Miss B: Tell me why you women want to portray yourself as sexual objects while you go on 40 km essays on asking men to stop viewing women as sexual objects?When you yourself feel and is proud of being a sexual object,why do you complain about others looking at you through such glasses..?

Miss A : See,I don’t like others looking at me as a sexual object,so I dress modestly..But modestly is subjective.What is modest to me needn’t be to another person and what is immodest to me,maybe modest to the next person.So we can’t generalize.If somebody likes to dress in a particular way,she should be free to do so.

Miss B: Tell me something,when women know that there are some sick devilish men out there in the society,should she opt to take care herself by dressing modestly,or should she go around enrolling all eve teasers to mental asylum..Tell me which of the two choices is practical?

Miss A :Taking preventive measures is practical and feasible.But well,your logic is stupid bcoz in that case,wonder how men rape 18 month old babies and 89 years old grannies? Is diapers and sluggish clothes provocative?and you think women are free from all such harassments in places like Saudi and Afghan??**rolls eyes**

Miss B: You get my point..rape is about control and not about sex.When a baby or a granny is raped,it is all about overpowering and controlling rather than sexuality. So,no matter how you dress,you are prone to such dangers..But what is wrong in taking care?

Miss A :You are asking me to shut down myself in my room so that perverts may roam around freely in the streets uh? To accept that dressing is a moral issue is to accept this: a woman must not tempt a man. We focus on Adam eating the apple because Eve gave it to him. We don’t focus on Adam’s responsibility, on why he did not say no.

Miss B: No,thatz not my point. We are a society and we have norms and cultural barriers .Your freedom ends where mine starts.Men are like that they will keep drooling over public display or private parts..

Miss A : Shame on men who are proud to declare that they are so weak enough not to control their libidos..And Oh,please don’t talk about culture.. Rape and incest and sexual abuse of children are not our culture, even though they happen all the time.I am sick of men and women who, while holding their imported cellphones and driving their imported cars, say that women should conform to certain gender roles so as to preserve our “real” culture.

Miss B: Yes,I am aware of the double faceted hypocrisy. I agree that society should provide a safe environment for all its citizens and not punish women for the few criminal men who can nor control their urges. But then again, how can government take care of each and every single citizen in the country?We have our share of responsibility..The bottom line is that in public some modesty is required to avoid problems.

Miss A : Any man who takes offence at women’s clothing should reassess his ideas. Have your opinion, but leave it at that. Perhaps if these men cannot control themselves then they should not be allowed out on the street. Moreover,it is his responsibility to act as a reasonable and decent human being. Rather than impose dress codes for women, I’d propose blindfolds for hypersensitive men.

Miss B: I completely agree with you that women are not responsible for crimes committed on them and I agree with the ‘She did not ask for it’ theory.But in our real life.theories have less importance than practicals..I agree that as far as the dress code is concerned, the problem is the uneducated and ignorant observers not the dresser. Having said that, a person cannot but be mindful since there are just too many uneducated and ignorant people out there.So,it your choice whether you choose to be daring and outgo these vultures..But trust me,it is better to take care..“The stronger sex is actually the weaker sex because of it’s weakness for the weaker sex.”

Miss A : I am going for a tea break…phew…..

Why are women enemies to each other?

Australia‘s prime minister joined Muslim leaders on Thursday in condemning a cleric’s comments that husbands are entitled to smack disobedient wives and force them to have sex. “Amazing, how can a person rape his wife?” Hamza said, adding that wives must immediately respond to their husbands’ sexual demands. [more]

 

Islamonline.net is a pretty authentic source from where one can learn about Islam.They have a decent take on various matters-political or religious-around the world.I am shocked to read a statement from a FEMALE Islamic scholar..In regard to a question on marital rape,she says :

 

Of course if the husband insists on sleeping with his wife by force, it would not be considered rape since this is a right granted to him, but it is also not in accordance with Islamic teachings . Such an act contradicts the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the ethics of intercourse. Gentleness and kindness are among the manners of intimate relations in Islam…

 

The complete article can be read here,  so that one may verify if I have taken anything out of context..Yes,she says that ‘it is not right’..I am wondering what on earth stopped her from saying that IT IS WRONG..

 

I have seen people(this includes both men and WOMEN) boasting that men have uncontrollable sexual desires and hence women must be ready-money setup 24/7.Many women have argued with me that men have ultra sexual desires that one single woman alone cannot satisfy them..What the heck..Forget them,they are brainwashed and seasoned ,but sadly to a higher degree that nothing on earth can change their attitude,but is the same expected from a learned person who is addressed as a scholar..

 

Coming back to the point,there are many rulings floating around stating that it is the RIGHT of husband to have intimacy with his wife,no matter even if she disagree.Marital rape is an alien concept to me,but reading the above statement by Zeinab Mostafa made me look into it.I was wondering how can a husband rape his own wife!Marital rape is not to be confused with boring physical intimacy.

Question: What is marital rape?

Answer: Marital rape is any unwanted sexual acts by a spouse or ex-spouse, committed without consent and/or against a person’s will, obtained by force, or threat of force, intimidation, or when a person is unable to consent.

These sexual acts include intercourse, anal or oral sex, forced sexual behavior with other individuals, and other sexual activities that are considered by the victim as degrading, humiliating, painful, and unwanted.

It is also referred to as spousal rape and wife rape.

Forget the definitions,I am just feeling bad about this lady ,that ,who as a scholar should have bothered to stand by fair and just side.IHM has a great post here-some gems from Manusmrthy..Bible too has some gems..and again,Hadiths,not Quran,too have many great gems like one telling that angels will curse you if your husband goes angry to bed and one which says that you have to provide for husband,even if you are on camel top..   How disgusting and how sad that one is afraid to talk about justice and fairness..Now I understand why IHM is angry over Nirmala Venktesh…Yes,her’s and my posts are about two different contexts,but the bottomline is “Women are women’s enemies..”

 p.s:

 

Marital Rape: A Non- Issue In India

 

India: Violence Against Women on the Rise

 

 

Hindutva-ization/Gujarat-ization(or whatever it means) of my India..

Edited to add :This is not a post about Manglore pub attack.

Yeah,I am adding more to those endless posts on ‘Holy people preserving Indian culture’ floating around in blogoshpere.My friends have already put it in best words,that I have hardly anything better to say.I support you in the fight of individual freedom.Lets not make our nation another Saudi or Afghan..

Amrutha has a post on the topic,but the link she provided seemed disturbing.The author of that article justifies this incident as,‘The Rama Sainiks have done a good job in saving Hindu girls.  I am not saying this.  The masses in Mangalore stand by these so-called hooligans because they want to protect their women from the clutches of the oh-so-peaceful Islamic jehadis ” I was wondering when and how did islam or jiahdist or terrorism come in the frame..Reading more on the thread,I stumbled upon articles in OutlookIndia and IndiaToday,which persuaded me to have a look into the matter,from their viewpoint.Sharing some thoughts.

The incident of pub attack is not simply about moral policing or about political drama.See a few communal stirrings that the state (Karnataka ) has witnessed, especially in the coastal districts, after the BJP came to power last May.

  •  June 9, 2008: Temple affairs minister Krishnaiah Shetty issues circular to 34,000 temples to perform special puja for newly sworn-in CM. Order later modified after protests.
  • August 10, 2008: Karnataka Rakshana Vedike attacks a group of 35 people allegedly holding a ‘rave party’ at Manchanabele Dam
  • August 14, 2008: State-owned Mahabaleshwara Temple in Gokarna transferred to Ramachandrapur Math, known for its save-the-cow campaigns
  • August 29, 2008: The Public Instruction Department issues notices to all Christian institutions in the state to shut down to protest the violence against Christians in Orissa. Notice precursor to statewide attacks on churches.
  • September 14, 2008: With Mangalore as the epicentre, Sangh parivar activists attack Christian prayer halls and churches across state. More churches attacked three days later.
  • October 16, 2008: The largest-selling Kannada newspaper claims on its front page that conversions have gone up alarmingly after Sonia Gandhi-Congress came to power. Debates the issue on its Op-Ed page for over a month.
  •  October 30, 2008: Bajrang Dal activists attack two undertrials in Mangalore district sub jail; sixth such attack after its chief Mahendra Kumar’s arrest on September 20.
  • December 12, 2008: Aggressive posturing at Baba Budangiri by parivar leaders and Hindu pontiffs
  • December 27, 2008: Hoysala Sene attacks Fuga bar in Bangalore, alleges illegal activities
  • December 28, 2008: Bajrang Dal activists attack a bus ferrying students on a study tour to Mysore, saying girls and boys from different religions can’t travel together
  • January 6, 2009: B.V. Seetharam, editor of Mangalore-based newspaper Karavali Ale, who followed a strong anti-parivar editorial line, handcuffed and arrested in alleged extortion case. Prior to his arrest, parivar elements vandalise paper’s office.
  • January 7, 2009: Laddoos distributed in some schools across the state on Vaikunta Ekadashi. Congress demands biriyani should be distributed on Ramzan.
  • January 19, 2009: An arrested dacoit reportedly confesses links with radical Hindu groups and admits to carrying out the Hubli district court bombing before the May assembly elections
  • January 25, 2009: Sri Rama Sene activists attack pub in Mangalore and molest and beat up women
  • January 25, 2009: Bajrang Dal activists attack a private party in Mangalore
  • January 28, 2009: Muzrai department orders temples to perform special puja to ward off “ill-effects” of the solar eclipse [source]

Coming back to the recent incident of pub attack,BJP has distanced itself from Muthalik.But Outlook reports that in August 2007, when Yediyurappa was deputy CM in the H.D. Kumaraswamy cabinet, as many as 51 cases were withdrawn against parivar men, of which Mutalik is the first accused in many of these cases while VHP leader Praveen Togadia figures prominently in others.

Earlier,these guys were back of cows..They wanted the Centre to declare cow as a national animal and ban its slaughter. In March 2005, the outfit paraded naked a Muslim father and son in Adi Udupi in front of 500-600 people for allegedly “illegally trading in cows”.

However, the most common reason by far for a communal flare-up relates to the ‘mingling’ of youngsters from different communities. G. Rajashekar, co-author of The Dark Faces of Communalism, a book on communalism in Karnataka, says that according to data he has collected between May 2008 and now, there have been “14 recorded incidents of violence against Hindu girls for having been seen with either a Muslim or a Christian boy”. Prof Phaniraj, a rights activist teaching at a Manipal engineering college, says: “Since 1998, the frequency of communal incidents in the Dakshina Kannada area has increased.

The invariable plot for violence, he adds, is about a boy from a Muslim or Christian community ‘found being friendly’ with a Hindu girl, which leads to the self-styled protectors of the Hindu faith ‘intervening’ to ‘free’ the girl. Except intervening here means thrashing the boy. “We should remember that there was a sustained campaign against the Muslim community in Gujarat before Godhra happened,” says Phaniraj. Just prior to the Surathkal riots in 1998, a lot of pamphlets warning young Hindu women against going with Muslim boys were circulated.

The man who instigated the pub attack, Prasad Attavar, had in 2007 assaulted a Muslim boy at the Ideal Ice-cream Parlour in the heart of Mangalore for talking to a Hindu girl. More ghastly, however, was the 2005 incident in a Puttur cinema when two men (one Muslim) and two Hindu women working in an areca processing factory had gone to see a movie. Around 150 Bajrang Dal activists barged in, dragged the four out and assaulted them before handing them over to the police. As recently as six months ago, a Muslim and Hindu couple living together were forced to return to their native Gadag by parivar activists. “Intrusion into private spaces has become common,” says Phaniraj.

Besides the coastal districts, there has been an uneasy calm at other flashpoints like Baba Budangiri since 2004, where the Sangh parivar is hell-bent on converting the Sufi shrine with a rich tradition of religious syncretism into an exclusive Hindu pilgrimage centre. BJP leader H.N. Ananth Kumar had vowed to make it the ‘Ayodhya of Karnataka’. The Hubli Idgah Maidan issue had cropped up temporarily in September 2004 when Uma Bharati courted arrest and lost her chief ministership, but there has been little noise since then. The silence is eerie, however, and with a BJP government in power, pregnant. [source]

 

My dear friends,this incident is not about culture,but about religion..Its for you and me to decide on what  lessons do we learn from this incident.

 

 

p.s:

On January 17, 2008, while addressing a rally in Udupi, Muthalik said: “It’s time for blasts. Malegaon is just a trailer. Every house should have a person like Pragya Singh. Every housewife will carry bombs now.”[Watch video ]..

Mangalore’s on-the-rampage Ram Sene is drawn from the ranks of the Bajrang Dal and the Shiv Sena : http://tehelka.com/story_main41.asp?filename=Ne070209the_devoutly.asp

 

Dear Readers,what do you think of veil/pardha/hijab?

These days,I am not feeling so well..Also,a cooking bug has infected me and i want to cook something new every now and then.So,I am wandering on the internet like a hippe (err,does that comparison make any sense **scratches head**) I am really sorry to all my dear readers who have commented but I am yet to reply..I have learned lot from you all and I am thankful too you for spending time to read my rants 🙂

 

 Today,I would like you all to speak about ‘What do you think of hijab/Pardha/veil of muslim women?’..This is a plain question and you are free to say what you have it in your mind..The first and last rule here is to be honest  🙂 There is no such thing as ‘Am I right,Am I wrong,What will she think,Am I being prejudiced,Am I judging somebody’ etc etc etc..I ask,because I want to know more and share more..I thought of making this post as a poll or like type,but then again,it would make it difficult for those of you who would like to talk more on this subject..It would be great if you had made a post on this,but even otherwise,it would still be great if you comment here 🙂

 

 Finally,do make sure to answer one single question ‘ What do you think of those women who don’t wear veil’..Do you think of them as less religious,or rebellious,or stupids??

While you write,have a piece of my healthy Pizza (there isn’t any mozarella cheese and the dough is of wheat flour)  and Cappichino muffins

 

cheeseless-pizza

 

cappichino-muffins

 

Good day to all..

 

p.s:

 

Those who copy my pictures will burn in hell 😉

How easy is it to undergo a divorce?

A few days ago,my dearo Cris had written a great post on “About Divorces”.I felt touched by her words,but I am not sure if I agree to all what she said..

 

When a marriage goes to a level where you find yourself unhappy all day and night long, when you realize beyond doubt you can never work it out –what was the point in clinging on?

 mmm,well,I  don’t know..But is it that easy to end it all??Maybe we keep trying to set things right for reasons and for people around..

 

Why was it so important that you had to stick with the person till end of life no matter what?

 Maybe you love him/her a lot deep inside.. Or maybe one is insecure of the future..

 

Wasn’t marriage all about making your life happier by spending it with someone you love and care about?

 Is it really so in reality?Agreed that we expect to live with someone whom we love and care.But what about the associated strings attached-socially and emotionally?What if there isn’t much love,but just that ‘it keeps going’ kinda stuff?i.e,there isn’t neither much love nor any hate..In such situations,aren’t we not to keep working on making betterment in the relationship?

 

When that love and care is not there, why would you choose to ignore it and go on with your lives unhappily? 

 As I said,in most cases,its not the absence of love and care,but the incompleteness that causes distress in day to day life..Afterall,nobody is perfect.So  automatically,one gets accustomed to it and move on with life..in the same rail.

 

Cause divorce was still “evil”, unheard of and a shame to kith and kin. People choose to make their own lives unhappy to have the world around them believe they are happy. An idea that always goes above my head. 

 Yeah,sad fact..

 

She sums up that if there is no love in marriage,there is no point in hanging on,even if it is justified as ‘for kids sake’ and that bad marriages can have bad effects on kids.And she ends it up as

 

If you wanted to avoid divorce, take a lot of care on whom you marry – that’s where your decision really matters. But then humans make mistakes and a mistake may be hard to avoid, but not so hard to correct.

  

Cris strongly feels that it is ‘love’ that matters the most in a marriage.Personally,I think love don’t even need comprise 50% of marriage..I have read somewhere that a successful marriage needs

 

  • Compatibility and Compassion
  • Communication
  • Expectations built together
  • Intimacy and Sexuality
  • Recognizing each others Personalities and Family relationships
  • Conflict Resolution abilities
  • Long-term Goals
  • Family Planning and Rearing of children

Its not just love ,but much more and marriage won’t run smoothly just like that..You keep trying more and more hard day by day..You keep trying refining yourself and try to fit into the mould everyday..Trust me,you can’t change a person.So better you change yourself,if you need peace and serenity .

 

It is easy to say “If you don’t like it and if you can’t make it,get out of the relationship’.. It seems a joke, considering that the person saying this is well aware of situations in India, and how ‘well’ a divorcee is looked ‘up’ on at.The bloody sexist society has no issues with the man involved.Afterall,it is the woman/wife who should have adjusted and sewed up the conflicts and it is her inability to maintain a family that the divorce happened.They say ‘What if the fiancee is a drunkard or chain smoker,if thw wife tries well,and if she is smart ,he will quit it all..”..Dogs,how is it that the responsibility of changing or reforming a waste man falls on the shoulders of a stranger woman? Why not the mother and father act smart and get rid of the bad charater rather than expecting a strange woman/wife to do it and later blame it on her ‘You are not being a real good wife’..duh..

 

The girl’s family takes a deep breath when she is married off.In real,they don’t expect her to come back anyday.Sugarcoated words don’t work in long term.Not to imagine of a situation where a woman has to go back to her home which is a joint family.If she has kids,she is accused of having deprived her kids ‘father’s love’.The neighbors ,the in laws in the house,the relatives,everybody wants to know the story and then point fingers saying ’You did not try well to make it’..

 

I strongly believe that all the above could have been avoided if the lady was educated and could secure a job and live separately with her kids so that she won’t have to see others face every morning..Not to forget the initial economic difficulties..But then again,it could be dealt with properly if she still has the dowry her parents gave her.She could start a living of her own without begging to others.I wish all ladies had the choice to keep their dowry to themselves so that it may be of use to them later at some point of life. 

 

I got carried away from the topic..Sorry for that.My point is that divorce is not that easy as Cris says it.Even if there is lot of dissatisfaction,one would prefer to hang on,fearing the situation that would arise late-divorce.Also,I disagee with Cris on that kids benefit from getting out of bad marriage.Agreed if there is physical abuse involved.But otherwise,its better to hang on for kids sake as they are plunged into the web of insecurity, conflicts of loyalty towards both parents, psychological disorders and much more..If you don’t care about kids,don’t produce kids..They are here in this world ,because you choose to and hence it is your responsibility to give them a good environment for healthy development.

Its all a web..Its not easy to get out of it once you are into it.Success is in finding happiness in what you are and what you have.Yeah,maybe you will develop lower self-esteem for youself,but it maybe worth it.

 

 

p.s

 

I am a happily married lady .You may feel odd why am I saying so..Well,last day ,a near and dear one of mine said that ‘you can’t write about a topic unless you experience it’.(I was reading on marital rape and he/she asked me if I am undergoing thru such a situation..I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry)So now that I have written about divorce,it doesn’t mean that I have issues with my marriage and that I am going to divorce..Phew..Pity myself of explaining and justifying my thoughts in public.