Posts Tagged ‘ gender equality ’

..Of girls’s education and marrying off them early….

My college reopened today. One of my friends randomly made a comment “Why don’t you sit at home and look after your husband and kid”.. Err…

Then I remembered this person I mentioned in my below post…Now I  have a feeling that theer not just few,but many people out there who strongly belive that girls needn’t study and that their life is meant for 2-3 purposes alone..**sigh**

A post very close to my heart…

————-

This post is purely fictional and bears no resemblence with any characters dead or alive..

Last day,somebody told me so and so…

A: Girls should be married off by the age of 18-19..

Me:Err,isn’t that too early ..

A:Early? not at all..Bcoz by 20+,they will start making their own choices and will have own opinions

Me :So?

A: So? So ,parents should marry off girls before they start having firm opinions and start making decisions for themselves

Me :But isn’t it their life? Moroever,when we marry off them too early,how can they complete their eductaion?How can they have their career?

A: Ha,what is the need for girls to have so much education.The role of women in a society to make a good family and bring up kids in a good way .

Me :Of course that too is important,but it amazes me that a 21st century human being is saying that girls needn’t have much education..

A:All this ‘men-women equality and stuff is bullshit. Women cannot be equal to men.

Me:I never said that they are equal..Both are different on their own ways,but that doens’t mean that they weigh different in the balance of nature

A:Let me tell you an eg. Last day,there was an accident nearby,when a lady bumped into a sccooter-wala and he died..The lady was admitted to mental hospital for weeks..Have you ever heard of a man being mentally unstable just because he met with an accident?you women are silly and emotionally weak ,and let me remind you,they are physically weak since ages..

Me :You are generalizing,thatz not fair..

A:Ok,let me tell you something.What if I sent my daughter to study medicine.Obviously,by the time she passes out,she will be 24 yrs and so,and she will not accept proposals from any men on a lower grade than doctors themselves.

Me :whatz wrong in that? Its fine that a Doctor is looking out for a Doctor..

A:Its ok with her,but not for me,as I have find Crores of money for her dowry.

Me :Look out for boys who don’t ask dowry.

A:Such people exist only in theory.In pracitise,all people ask for dowry,and when it comes to higher grade boys ,as like Doctors,they ask for loads of gold and money..So tell me,should I let my daughter become a doctor and finally spoil my life in the name of her dowry,or should i marry off her to an average man,at the age mentioned earlier,when she is not so firm in her choices and opinions..On another note,there is no need for lady doctors..

Me: **faints** What??”No need for lady doctors”..

A::Yes,tell me what is the problem if there are male doctors alone? Afterall women are weak enough not to enter areas like surgery and such complicated stuff..Tell me how many efficent female surgeons and anesthesists have you seen or heard?

Me: Well,are you saying that there needn’t be female gynecologists too?A:Thats the only area where women can empathize with fellow patients..But even in that field,there isn’t a compulsory need. Labour and Cecarian will be fine in men’s hands too

Me : **girns** not knowing what to say..

A: coming back to the topic,i still stand by what i said,” Girls needn’t study much and should be married off early”..

Me :Err,this is complicated..But it is wrong that you dump her into somebody’s head even when she is immature to undertstand right and wrong in life..Moreover,if she is educated,if some problee happens in marriage life,she can stand in her own,instead of running back and crying in front of parents.

A:You are wrong.In real time,it is the educated girls who come back to families,while the other end girls move on with their life,rather than shouting for divorce and such.

Me :So,in the end,it is your happiness and not your daughter’s happiness that matters.. Ok fine,marry off your girl at 18,so that she will always be unable to resist the injustice that may happen and let her be a door mat..**sigh**

A::You are wrong,good girls will find happiness where they go..You women don’t know the world outside and hence you are making theoritical stmnts

Me : “How will we know the world and gain experience if you guys don’t let us? ”

A :”Oh,you alone is going to change the world”..

Me: ” Not really,but if i do my part, atleast my daughter will benefit from it”…

A : “Oh,so you want your daughter to become a feminist kinda girl and ruin her life” …

Me : I am glad I met you ..goodbye..

.

.

Moral of the story : Don’t argue with people who have pre-conceived notions..You will end up being labelled arrogant and outspoken…

p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they?

If you can wear bikni,why can’t I wear burqa?

Belgium votes to ban burqa in public

BRUSSELS: Belgium became Europe’s first country to vote for a ban on the full Islamic veil or burqa, sparking dismay among Muslims and warnings of a dangerous precedent with France set to follow suit.

On Thursday night, barring two abstentions, all 136 legislators of the lower house of the Belgian federal parliament supported a nationwide ban on clothes or veils that do not allow the wearer to be fully identified. But the bill, which makes wearing of the burqa a criminal offence punishable with a fine of $20-34 and/or a jail sentence of up to seven days, will not come into force for weeks and may have to be re-examined if early elections are called as Belgium battles a political crisis.[……….]

Veil a ‘walking prison’ for women, say Belgian MPs

BRUSSELS: Belgium’s ban on the burqa will be imposed in streets, public gardens and sports grounds or buildings ‘‘meant for public use or to provide services’’ to the public, according to the bill.

‘‘We’re the first country to spring the locks that have made a good number of women slaves, and we hope to be followed by France, Switzerland, Italy, and the Netherlands; countries that think,’’ said liberal lawmaker Denis Ducarme.[………]

In France, forcing women to wear burqa will draw jail term

PARIS: France will jail and impose huge fines on anyone who forces a Muslim woman to wear a full-face veil, according to a leaked version of a proposed law revealed on Friday.

While women will face only a 150-euro penalty if they choose to don a burqa or a niqab, President Nicolas Sarkozy wants to slap one-year prison terms and $20,000 fines on those who make others wear them.[………….]

Burqa and naqab have no place in Denmark, says PM

COPENHAGEN: The face-covering burqa and niqab veils worn by some Muslim women have no place in Denmark, Prime Minister Lars Loekke Rasmussen said on Wednesday, adding his government was considering restricting them.

Rasmussen stopped short, however, of calling for a ban on the veils, noting “legal and other limits”. “The government’s position is clear: the burqa and the niqab have no place in Danish society. They symbolise a view of women and humanity that we totally oppose and that we want to combat in Danish society,” Rasmussen told reporters.[………….]

It amazes me how they cal llimiting somebody’s freedom as being PROGRESSIVE..and people in the other side of the world,including the majority in my country itself hail such actions as YO YO..Shame on you guys..If it was something against helping women who were forced to do so,I would be the first one to talk for them..But is this what we need? You think you have defeated them..But I am sure that your consious mind will feel guilty if you have atleast a drop of humanity.

I hated burqa or hijab as you call it,till this date.But now I have started loving it and I WILL WEAR IT ONE DAY,not because I endourse its intention,but just to let you know that you all are donkeys who bray at others dumb sanctions.

Even if muslim women,WHO WANT TO WEAR IT, are blocked from doing so,they will meet their Lord ..You can’t stop that.

Duh,I feel disgusted for having wasted my precious time writing against sickos..

What is it that Nuns around the world wear?Why is it that their attire doens’t convey the message of “walking prison”..Because they belong to that religion held by rich developed countires? Why is it that they don’t “symbolise a view of women and humanity that we totally oppose and that we want to combat insociety”


I just hated that black cloak stuff till this day..But trust me,from today I will advocate it to a many people as much as I can..Stop me if you can.. If you can wear bikni,why can’t I wear burqa?

Image copy-pasted from  http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200904/r360385_1662308.jpg

Women in Management-Moving ahead by being assertive

Yet another HR assignment 🙂 Hope You won’t find it boring..

Women in Management-Moving ahead by being assertive

Introduction

The past several decades have brought enormous changes that have in turn shaped the development of modern business environment. Women comprise about 20-25 per cent of the total organized workforce in India. In absolute terms, this number is larger than the female workforce in most other nations despite improvements in female participation at management levels, women still fill less than 2% of CEO leadership positions in the Fortune 500. It is not surprising to find, therefore, that leaders continue to be thought of as men with the management levels in most industries considered to be ‘male-typed’. But in a few industries women have moved into management .To make a break-through across the “glass ceiling”, women should equip themselves with adequate skills, soft skills in particular, so that they can perform better in the age of human-oriented management Many people tend to think that success in business requires them to be rational and logical, but they must always remember that the human element is also critically important. This is one reason why it is important to develop soft skills, and one of the best soft skills you can develop is assertiveness.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness refers to being able to express your thoughts, beliefs and feelings in a confident, open and honest way. It increases self-confidence and facilitates the communication of ideas at work. With increasing competition, it’s not just seen as a matter of survival, but as an indirect, powerful tool to increase productivity and efficiency. Being assertive is essential for those who want to learn how to stand up for themselves in different situations, such as responding to putdowns, handling and expressing anger, speaking up to a rude salesperson, asking the boss for a raise, asking for a better table at a restaurant, etc.

Why should one be assertive?

Assertive women are more successful at accumulating resources. Assertive women are more likely to bring on change. Assertive women are confident and sure of themselves. As a result, assertive women are able to fight through great adversity, and emerge with greater strength than before.

Assertiveness v/s Aggressiveness

Asserting yourself is not easy. One reason is that some people see assertiveness as a negative behavior. Perhaps they confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. Assertiveness is especially difficult for women. Most women are taught to be agreeable, be polite, and make those around them at ease. Assertive individuals try to understand others, and acknowledge the value others bring. In a conflict, assertive people actively listen, explain themselves clearly, and invite the others to work together toward a solution. Assertive people realize they want to have a long-term relationship with people. In order to do so, they do not create barriers with anger or humiliation. Instead they use constructive feedback.

By definition (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/)

Aggressive

•  Characterized by aggression: aggressive behavior

•  Inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion: an aggressive regime.

•  Fast growing; tending to spread quickly and invade: an aggressive tumor.

•  Intense or harsh, as in color.

Assertive

•  Confident and direct in claiming one’s rights or putting forward one’s views

•  Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive

The Continuum

If we view communication as a continuum, place aggressiveness on the far right, assertiveness in the middle, and passiveness on the far left.

Passiveness:

  • We don’t feel that we have the right to be heard. We are uncomfortable expressing ourselves. We may not like the response we will get. We willing back down easily to avoid conflict.

Assertiveness:

  • We are comfortable to express what we think, feel and want. We can express our view and needs without stepping on others, and without anger or attack. We aim for a solution that is a win for all.

Aggressiveness:

  • We stand up for ourselves, even at the expense of others. We use tactics such as loud talking, sarcasm, desk pounding and forcefulness to get our way.

If you want to feel good about yourself, gain respect or others, and achieve high productivity in your life, aim to be in the middle of the continuum.

Aggressiveness /aggression is about being on the attack and/or trying to take what does not rightfully belong to the taker. Assertiveness/asserting oneself is about standing up for oneself and not being willing to be pushed around or down or into a second-class citizen status. There’s really not a fine line between aggressiveness and assertiveness. They’re two completely different things. Aggressiveness is unprovoked hostility. Assertiveness can occasionally seem hostile, but when it does that hostility is usually warranted.

The challenge for women, however, is that many men and even many other women don’t believe women should have that equality in life. To people who think this way any woman who asserts his rights as a human being can be seen as wanting something to which she is not entitled. As a result, some people see assertiveness as aggressiveness.

Characteristics

Characteristics of assertive communication

There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:

  • Eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
  • Body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
  • Gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
  • Voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
  • Timing: use your judgment to maximize receptivity and impact
  • Content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say

Assertiveness:

•     An assertive woman will be sensitive to others, while standing up for her own rights.

•     She will deal with a stressful situation, seeking resolution, using direct, appropriate and honest forms of communication.

•     She takes personal responsibility for mistakes, but also, in fairness holds others responsible when the situation arises.

•     She is open, polite, has good self-esteem, and seeks to build other’s self-esteem.

•     As a boss, she will try to lead by example, but never seeks, nor avoids confrontation.

•     She is flexible, well respected and ASKS for what she needs.

Aggressiveness:

•     An aggressive woman may be self-centered and have low self-esteem that she boosts by putting others down.

•     She gets stressed and makes those around her stressed too, talking to them in an inappropriately direct and confrontational manner.

•     She needs to control everything and everyone, and blames others, never taking responsibility herself.

•     She is often abrasive and forces others to accept that she is right, she will confront and put people down.

•     As a boss, she forces her ideas on others, she has to be in control and will confront and belittle those who try to disagree.

•     She sticks rigidly to the rules, as she sees them, is insensitive to other’s needs and is resented and feared rather than respected. She DEMANDS.

The advantages of being an assertive communicator and all round person is that one will be more direct, honest, and accurate and less manipulating, dishonest and deceptive. Being assertive also means knowing when to back down. One should still be able to see someone else’s point of view and back down if she knows that they are right and she is wrong. This doesn’t make one any less assertive, but makes a much better communicator and more trusting person.

In Game Theory, there are four basic styles that you can use when interacting with other people, depending on whether you are working to get what you and the other person want:

You get
what you want
Concede Negotiate
You don’t get
what you want
Withdraw Demand
SITUATIONAL TACTICS I don’t get
what I want
I get
what I want

These are called “situational tactics” because they are behaviors that you can use in different situations. In fact, depending on the situation, there are times when it is appropriate to each of these. The four styles are tactics that can be used in different situations. The tactic that it is appropriate to use most often is ‘negotiate’; the other tactics are used less often and in particular circumstances. There are times when it is appropriate to be unassertive. It depends on the circumstances, and it is your choice.

Problems tend to arise, however, when unassertiveness becomes a habit, or when the wrong tactics are used for the situation. Example of inappropriate unassertiveness is when you boss asks you to do something extra and it causes you a problem with your workload. Many people simply ‘concede’ to a boss’ request, but the most appropriate strategy is to negotiate. A failure to negotiate could result in you having to work long hours, or you failing to complete some other aspect of your job on time because you are doing what your boss asked.

Life Stance

A ‘life stance’ is a tendency to use a particular tactic as the first, or even only, choice.

You get
what you want
Submissive Assertive
You don’t get
what you want
Passive- Aggressive Aggressive
LIFE
STANCE
I don’t get
what I want
I get
what I want

Strategies to be adopted

A woman who wishes to be assertive must first and foremost appear assertive. First impressions count, even more so for a woman trying to establish herself in the business world or even in a social setting. A confident stride, a straight posture and professional attire are essential. Carry yourself with confidence and others will know simply by looking at you that you mean business

Express what you need.

  • The key to being more assertive is to communicate your wants, desires and necessities in a clear language. This doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive. State your needs in a firm, steady tone. You’ll notice a world of difference when you speak up!

Adjust body language

  • Open up your posture, take your hands off your chest, uncross your legs and hold eye contact. Keep your face and your tone under control. This doesn’t mean that you have to be stoic or icy, just make sure you aren’t making an assertive statment with a wavering voice and an apologetic face.

Don’t beat around the bush

  • Don’t dilute your words or beat around the bush. People often make excuses or give long explanations and the person listening gets a mixed message. Be concise and direct. Use the first person part-of-speech. For example, ‘I feel frustrated when my work is not acknowledged.’ The lesser words you use, the bigger the impact.

Quit apologizing.

  • Do not speak apologetically. Stand your ground if you know you are correct. Ask questions whenever you need clarifications. You shouldn’t accept rules or practices without understanding them.

Say “No” politely

  • Express negative emotions in a healthy manner. For example, if someone has hurt your feelings, let them know without escalating the situation. It doesn’t help to take out your aggression or frustration on others. Express valid feelings in time, instead of bottling things up until you explode. Sometimes, it is better to walk away until you feel calmer and more in control. Make sure your body language is not aggressive. Avoid pointing at people, banging the table, raising your voice, or making other aggressive gestures.

Use the word “I”.

  • If you start your sentences with “I” you are taking responsibility for yourself, which is an assertive action. In addition, you are not including others, as you would when speaking with the word “we”. This helps to communicate your needs more clearly–they are your needs, not anyone else’s.

Allow yourself time to change.

  • No one can become more assertive overnight, and it’s certainly easy to fall into old habits of apologizing and changing statements to questions. A big part of being assertive is being determined. Tenacity is a quality of an assertive person.

Last but not the least, in today’s competitive business, communication is more essential than ever. It is the foundation on which companies and careers are built on and are a crucial component of lasting success. Whether it’s a face-to-face conversation or an  e-mail exchange, strong communication establishes a connection that leaves a powerful impression.

Communication skills include:

•     Understand effective body language and appropriate word choice

•     Learn to control emotions and establishing the right tone of voice

•     Find mutual connections or similarities to enhance communication

•     Increase comprehension through mental openness and feedback

Conclusion

Communication is directly connected to being assertive.  People are the essence of business, whether they are managers or employees. Working as a business owner or employee requires one to be an effective communicator, and he/she must learn how to present themselves in the right manner. Communicating assertively can often mean the difference between successfully closing a deal, or losing it. It can also mean the difference between effectively leading a team, or causing it to fail. Having good people skills will allow people, especially women workforce, to build strong relationships with others, and it allows them to get more from everyone around, whether they are external or internal to the organization.

References:

  1. Women in Management :Bette Ann Stead
  2. Women in management : Sanghamitra Buddhapriya
  3. Women and workplace discrimination: overcoming barriers to gender equality:Raymond F. Gregory
  4. Assertiveness: how can I say what I mean? :  Kate Havelin
  5. Women in corporate management : Ronald J. Burke
  6. http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/assertiveness/how-to-be-more-assertive-part2.html
  7. http://www.management-issues.com/2006/8/24/research/gender-stereotypes-block-womens-advancement.asp

..Of girls’s education and marrying off them early….

This post is purely fictional and bears no resemblence with any characters dead or alive..

 

Last day,somebody told me so and so…

 

A: Girls should be married off by the age of 18-19..

Me:Err,isn’t that too early ..

A:Early? not at all..Bcoz by 20+,they will start making their own choices and will have own opinions

Me :So?

A: So? So ,parents should marry off girls before they start having firm opinions and start making decisions for themselves

Me :But isn’t it their life? Moroever,when we marry off them too early,how can they complete their eductaion?How can they have their career?

A: Ha,what is the need for girls to have so much education.The role of women in a society to make a good family and bring up kids in a good way .

Me :Of course that too is important,but it amazes me that a 21st century human being is saying that girls needn’t have much education..

A:All this ‘men-women equality and stuff is bullshit. Women cannot be equal to men.

Me:I never said that they are equal..Both are different on their own ways,but that doens’t mean that they weigh different in the balance of nature

A:Let me tell you an eg. Last day,there was an accident nearby,when a lady bumped into a sccooter-wala and he died..The lady was admitted to mental hospital for weeks..Have you ever heard of a man being mentally unstable just because he met with an accident?you women are silly and emotionally weak ,and let me remind you,they are physically weak since ages..

Me :You are generalizing,thatz not fair..

A:Ok,let me tell you something.What if I sent my daughter to study medicine.Obviously,by the time she passes out,she will be 24 yrs and so,and she will not accept proposals from any men on a lower grade than doctors themselves.

Me :whatz wrong in that? Its fine that a Doctor is looking out for a Doctor..

A:Its ok with her,but not for me,as I have find Crores of money for her dowry.

Me :Look out for boys who don’t ask dowry.

A:Such people exist only in theory.In pracitise,all people ask for dowry,and when it comes to higher grade boys ,as like Doctors,they ask for loads of gold and money..So tell me,should I let my daughter become a doctor and finally spoil my life in the name of her dowry,or should i marry off her to an average man,at the age mentioned earlier,when she is not so firm in her choices and opinions..On another note,there is no need for lady doctors..

Me: **faints** What??”No need for lady doctors”..

A::Yes,tell me what is the problem if there are male doctors alone? Afterall women are weak enough not to enter areas like surgery and such complicated stuff..Tell me how many efficent female surgeons and anesthesists have you seen or heard?

Me: Well,are you saying that there needn’t be female gynecologists too?A:Thats the only area where women can empathize with fellow patients..But even in that field,there isn’t a compulsory need. Labour and Cecarian will be fine in men’s hands too

Me : **girns** not knowing what to say..

A: coming back to the topic,i still stand by what i said,” Girls needn’t study much and should be married off early”..

Me :Err,this is complicated..But it is wrong that you dump her into somebody’s head even when she is immature to undertstand right and wrong in life..Moreover,if she is educated,if some problee happens in marriage life,she can stand in her own,instead of running back and crying in front of parents.

A:You are wrong.In real time,it is the educated girls who come back to families,while the other end girls move on with their life,rather than shouting for divorce and such.

Me :So,in the end,it is your happiness and not your daughter’s happiness that matters.. Ok fine,marry off your girl at 18,so that she will always be unable to resist the injustice that may happen and let her be a door mat..**sigh**

A::You are wrong,good girls will find happiness where they go..

Me : I am glad I met you ..goodbye..

 

Moral of the story :Don’t argue with people who have pre-conceived notions..You will end up being labelled arrogant and outspoken…

p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they?

Uniform Civil Code -choosing between devil and deep blue sea.

The last post on Muslim Divorce laws have evoked lot of discussion of Uniform Civil Code..I haven’t done much reading on this,so I am yet to form my own opinion.Enacting UCC is easier said than done,but I have no idea how it is practical in a country of excessive plurality of religions.I think gender-equal and secualr concepts emulated into personal laws will be more acceptable and more fesible in our current state of nation-atleast,it may serve as a first step towards reform.Otherwise,we and our coming generation will die ranting UCC and nothing is going to happen.

While I do my reading,I would like to share an article that echo my current thoughts.

Why I Support The Uniform Civil Code

Author: Tariq Ansari

Publication: Outlook

Date: July 29, 2003

URL: http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20030729&fname=ucc&sid=1

The Supreme Court has once again set the cat amongst the pigeons on the matter of a Common Civil Code. Gloating and breast beating has commenced on all sides of the politico-social spectrum. As an Indian Muslim I would like very much to be heard….

 

The Supreme Court has once again set the cat amongst the pigeons on the matter of a Common Civil Code. Gloating and breast beating has commenced on all sides of the politico- social spectrum. As an Indian Muslim I would like very much to be heard.

 

Let’s get some ridiculous myths out of the way first:

 

Myth 1: All Muslims are opposed to a Common Civil Code.

 

Clearly, this is not the case. I am one who is not, as are many others.

 

Myth 2: The Muslim Personal Law gives Muslims some great benefits that are being withheld from non-Muslims.

 

Nothing can be further from the truth. The personal law only gives Muslims the right to be governed by Shariah principles in the personal matters of marriage, inheritance, property rights and religious observance. Commercial and criminal law is the same for all Indians.

 

So why do I support a common law for all Indians in civil matters? For four very good reasons.

 

First, there are at least six schools of jurisprudence among Muslims, four among Sunnis and two among Shias. The Indian Muslim Personal Law is a curious amalgam of principles from different schools, but most particularly the Hanafi branch of Sunni legal belief.

 

While most Indian Muslims are from this sect, our so-called Muslim Personal Law does not cover large numbers of Muslims, who prefer their own interpretation of Shariah law. Therefore, this is hardly in conformity with pure Koranic practice, as the more extreme elements among the Muslim clergy would have us believe.

 

Second, I believe the most important demand that Muslims should make in secular India is that we are treated equally. That we have equal rights and opportunities as all other Indians and that the State will afford us the same protection of our rights and property as it would Hindus. I do not believe Muslims can make that demand when at the same time we want to be treated differently in matters of personal law. This is an irreconcilable inconsistency.

 

Third, at least half of all Muslims are badly served by the Muslim Personal Law. Triple talaq, no rights to maintenance (thank you, Rajiv Gandhi!) and subordinate rights of inheritance are all examples of how my Muslim sisters labour under an unfair and, dare I say it, unIslamic set of regulations. I have a daughter and if she should want to marry a Muslim it will be under the Special Marriages Act, thank you very much.

 

And lastly, this ridiculous Muslim Personal Law is a convenient stick for Hindu communalists to beat Muslims with. Giving us the right to be governed by our own personal law gives them the right to claim that we are some kind of privileged minority with a suspect commitment to the Indian Republic. Take away the law and deprive Pravin Togadia of the stick.

 

However, I would also like to raise two very specific and critical qualifications to my support of the Supreme Court mention. We cannot move towards a Common Civil Code without absolute clarity on these matters:

 

One, understand and do something about the fundamental reasons why Indian Muslims cling to their own Personal Law. Deep within the psyche of the Mussalman is a fear of disenfranchisement, of complete loss of identity and marginalisation within Indian society.

 

Two, every time you burn homes in Gujarat, every time you treat Urdu as an alien tongue, every time a Muslim boy loses a job opportunity thanks to discrimination and every time Mr Togadia hints darkly at ‘the enemy within,’ you compound the siege mentality.

 

When everything is taken away, goes the ghetto belief, let us cling tightly to what we are. The Muslim Personal Law, sadly, has become one of the symbols of identity, an identity under threat.

 

A Common Civil Code must imply that ALL citizens are covered under the same laws on civil and commercial matters.

 

Let us dismantle at the same time, special privileges under the Hindu Undivided Family provisions as also any special laws governing the personal affairs of Christians, Parsis, Jains, Buddhists, and Sikhs as well as other groups like the Nairs of Kerala who follow the principles of matrilineal descent.

 

Do away not only with Muslim Personal Law but also other laws on the statute books that grant legal sanctity to unique practices of the diverse communities of India.

 

As an Indian Muslim I wholeheartedly support the idea of a Common Civil Code. It is a fair and equitable Directive Principle of the Constitution of India. Let us, however, understand this matter in its entirety, away from the hysterical jubilation and frantic wailing of communalists on both sides.

 

One people. One law.

 

Yes, for sure!

 

Tariq Ansari is Managing Director, Mid Day Multimedia,

Mumbai

Yes,Uniform Civil Code may require muslims to give away their religious rulings and idendity,but what else can do done in a nation where Personal Law Board members are not ready make any reform even after 60+ years.. (oh,I forgot to give them due credit.They are smart enough to reform Sharia so that men can divorce vis SMS,phone and email..Apart from these sexist reform,I haven’t heard of nay reform that would benefit women who are still at mercy of men )If muslims are bothered about giving away the freedom of religion,they better reform their gender-biased laws,or else may shut up and do as the state enacts Article 44 of Indian Constitution ( Article 44 provides that the State shall endeavor to secure for all citizens a uniform civil code throughout the territory of India.)

Do feminists ruin families?

Geee…My women’s day had a bad start,when today morning I read this report on TOI ,that ‘Women earn,but Men decide how to spend the money’.The article as such is not much surprising to me,as that is the way I have seen it around me,all my life..I have many working family members,but they hardly seemed to be spending on their own.Nevermind,that is not the focus of this post,as I am rather surprised and confused reading some comments in the discussion forum.Not sure if any copyright issues are involved,I am sharing some ‘cool’ thoughts here.. (those in blockquotes) and my thoughts on these comments.

Indian educated women are the worst among all women in India.I have seen majority of them don’t do much work at home as they are educated. They give frozen food or pasta to their husbands as they are educated and working. In India, the women want naukar for dishwashing, cooking plus a nanny and a car!! To be honest, educated guys should marry a uneducated, simple village girl as she is stronger, straightforward and will definitely cook delicious food. She also won’t have tantrums for wanting this or that.

 —Why is it that working women are associated with being less of a mother or a wife. I have heard husbands saying ‘I want to see my wife when I am back tired from work’. He says ‘ I am earning enough for all of us,so why do you want to make your choice a burden for the family-as a working woman can’t give ‘enough’ attention to husband ,kids and rest in the family.What is wrong in frozen pasta and having dishwaher and a naukar-chakar? I have once encountred a discussion in my personal life where the wife wishes to have a dishwaher in their new home,but husband says ‘You are not working and hence not bringing any money,so keep your luxury dreams to yourself’. :roll : No wonder why many women today want to find some solace in some random job and run out of the label of a housewife to a career woman..

 

Womans Liberation doesnot mean shame lessness . People like Raja Mohan Roy fought fought for rights and dignity of woman he never fought for giving them rights of indecency,,,they very rights of drinking whining and might which brought so much problems to woman themselves. There are few traditional woman who deserve to celebrate womans day . Woman who are mothers ,married and know what work life and tradition balance is .

 —Women liberation does not mean shamelessness’..Hmmm,where is it written so. Women libreation is all about equality and justice.And I am very glad that this man has no shame to brand himself shameless,by drawing parellels between men and women drinking. If it is a shame for women to drink,it would be the same with men too right? I am against drinking,both men and women,period.

 

I wonder if TOI thinks the freedom to go to pubs and right to spend is the empowerment of women. In Indian society, even an empowered woman understands, provided well educated, and leaves the decision to the counterpart as part of mutual cooperation. In the present article, it may be spelt clearly whether only finanicial freedom is the women empowerment.

 —-Ah,choosing between marriage and financial freedom.. It is very funny yet scary that men are so scared at women’s financial independence.Yes,financial independence is the first step towards empowerment.If you don’t have money,you have nothing and is no better than a slave,who has to request and is accountable for each and evey penny you spent,atleast in some families.It makes  a lot of difference in families,mostly middle calss ,where the husband would handover his salary to the wife and she would do all the spending.In otherwise cases,where she has to ask for money,every now and then,ah,it atmost irritating to me..Thatz just my opinion and i don’t judge others.. 

India had the first female PM. So what the heck are the women complaining about. All these western crap, is destroying the Indian way of life and family values. First right should be to the family and its values…why should tax payer fund all this western feminist Nazi propaganda..like NCW or likes of Minister for women , why is not there a Minister for Men?.

—I am sick of this generalization people make.’If APJ Kalam and SRK can make it big,why can’t all muslims become successful like them’..Wonder how a handful people represent million others?I don’t see any little difference,just because Pratibha Patil became the President.And above all,I hardly hear about her,except when,as a President,she hosts some parties for foreign officials..

 

Women have always been respected & given equal right in our society.Will a woman marry a man whose financial status she does not know? Will a woman marry a uneducated man & say I will bring up the man & his kids all on my income? Will the so called educated woman declare that by law she will not seek alimony? Till a woman can do the above there is nothing called liberation.A woman needs to liberate herself from her own mindset first.

—Will a man marry a woman whose family backgrounds he doesn’t know? Will a educated man marry an illiterate girl? Will a man stop crying about false double standards of moral policing ? I suggest you to reform yourself before you preach others..

 

Marriage (and for that reason family life as such) is all through an institution of accommodation, adjustment, trust and sharing. Imposition of individualistic traits and rigid compartmentalization of resources and decision-making run contrary to the basic rationale of family life and must not be espoused at least in Indian conditions.

—Marriage is not about enslaving each other,be it the man or the woman.What I  see around is one part,overpowering the other and imposing one’s interests on the other.I wonder why some men are so insecure of women having opinions and individulaitic charaters.If you can,why can’t we?

 

Ok,thatz it..There are more gems available,go pick yours from the TOI link. 🙂

 

Now, a comment of different strata..

 

This is not to mean that women are denied equality.By Nature, masculine species are protective.Being protective and caring does not mean denial of equality and liberty but rather a natural urge to take care of what one considers as one’s own.Sanatana Dharma enjoins that women are to be protected by Father,Husband and son.also man should eat food prepared by himself,his mother, sister,wife and daughter only.This shows the interdependence of sexes .This is the Natural Law.

 

Hmm,I have heard infinte muslims saying this-justice and fairness -rather than equality of sexes ,and I just knew that Hindus too are no behind them.

 

Now,a comment for you to answer..

 

This is one major reason why marriages last longer in India. If one has to decide weather she wants a longer married life or financial freedom, what would many choose for?

Is it not Ironic that such ladies get pissed if their husbands say something against them but happily obey the orders of several strangers at office and even happily listen whatever the crap they say?

Such women will consider it an attack on their freedom if they are asked to stay for a while in kitchen and serve the family but would happily serve hundreds of men in an airline by giving fake smiles. 
 

Whatcha say ??