Posts Tagged ‘ woman ’

Uniform Civil Code -choosing between devil and deep blue sea.

The last post on Muslim Divorce laws have evoked lot of discussion of Uniform Civil Code..I haven’t done much reading on this,so I am yet to form my own opinion.Enacting UCC is easier said than done,but I have no idea how it is practical in a country of excessive plurality of religions.I think gender-equal and secualr concepts emulated into personal laws will be more acceptable and more fesible in our current state of nation-atleast,it may serve as a first step towards reform.Otherwise,we and our coming generation will die ranting UCC and nothing is going to happen.

While I do my reading,I would like to share an article that echo my current thoughts.

Why I Support The Uniform Civil Code

Author: Tariq Ansari

Publication: Outlook

Date: July 29, 2003

URL: http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20030729&fname=ucc&sid=1

The Supreme Court has once again set the cat amongst the pigeons on the matter of a Common Civil Code. Gloating and breast beating has commenced on all sides of the politico-social spectrum. As an Indian Muslim I would like very much to be heard….

 

The Supreme Court has once again set the cat amongst the pigeons on the matter of a Common Civil Code. Gloating and breast beating has commenced on all sides of the politico- social spectrum. As an Indian Muslim I would like very much to be heard.

 

Let’s get some ridiculous myths out of the way first:

 

Myth 1: All Muslims are opposed to a Common Civil Code.

 

Clearly, this is not the case. I am one who is not, as are many others.

 

Myth 2: The Muslim Personal Law gives Muslims some great benefits that are being withheld from non-Muslims.

 

Nothing can be further from the truth. The personal law only gives Muslims the right to be governed by Shariah principles in the personal matters of marriage, inheritance, property rights and religious observance. Commercial and criminal law is the same for all Indians.

 

So why do I support a common law for all Indians in civil matters? For four very good reasons.

 

First, there are at least six schools of jurisprudence among Muslims, four among Sunnis and two among Shias. The Indian Muslim Personal Law is a curious amalgam of principles from different schools, but most particularly the Hanafi branch of Sunni legal belief.

 

While most Indian Muslims are from this sect, our so-called Muslim Personal Law does not cover large numbers of Muslims, who prefer their own interpretation of Shariah law. Therefore, this is hardly in conformity with pure Koranic practice, as the more extreme elements among the Muslim clergy would have us believe.

 

Second, I believe the most important demand that Muslims should make in secular India is that we are treated equally. That we have equal rights and opportunities as all other Indians and that the State will afford us the same protection of our rights and property as it would Hindus. I do not believe Muslims can make that demand when at the same time we want to be treated differently in matters of personal law. This is an irreconcilable inconsistency.

 

Third, at least half of all Muslims are badly served by the Muslim Personal Law. Triple talaq, no rights to maintenance (thank you, Rajiv Gandhi!) and subordinate rights of inheritance are all examples of how my Muslim sisters labour under an unfair and, dare I say it, unIslamic set of regulations. I have a daughter and if she should want to marry a Muslim it will be under the Special Marriages Act, thank you very much.

 

And lastly, this ridiculous Muslim Personal Law is a convenient stick for Hindu communalists to beat Muslims with. Giving us the right to be governed by our own personal law gives them the right to claim that we are some kind of privileged minority with a suspect commitment to the Indian Republic. Take away the law and deprive Pravin Togadia of the stick.

 

However, I would also like to raise two very specific and critical qualifications to my support of the Supreme Court mention. We cannot move towards a Common Civil Code without absolute clarity on these matters:

 

One, understand and do something about the fundamental reasons why Indian Muslims cling to their own Personal Law. Deep within the psyche of the Mussalman is a fear of disenfranchisement, of complete loss of identity and marginalisation within Indian society.

 

Two, every time you burn homes in Gujarat, every time you treat Urdu as an alien tongue, every time a Muslim boy loses a job opportunity thanks to discrimination and every time Mr Togadia hints darkly at ‘the enemy within,’ you compound the siege mentality.

 

When everything is taken away, goes the ghetto belief, let us cling tightly to what we are. The Muslim Personal Law, sadly, has become one of the symbols of identity, an identity under threat.

 

A Common Civil Code must imply that ALL citizens are covered under the same laws on civil and commercial matters.

 

Let us dismantle at the same time, special privileges under the Hindu Undivided Family provisions as also any special laws governing the personal affairs of Christians, Parsis, Jains, Buddhists, and Sikhs as well as other groups like the Nairs of Kerala who follow the principles of matrilineal descent.

 

Do away not only with Muslim Personal Law but also other laws on the statute books that grant legal sanctity to unique practices of the diverse communities of India.

 

As an Indian Muslim I wholeheartedly support the idea of a Common Civil Code. It is a fair and equitable Directive Principle of the Constitution of India. Let us, however, understand this matter in its entirety, away from the hysterical jubilation and frantic wailing of communalists on both sides.

 

One people. One law.

 

Yes, for sure!

 

Tariq Ansari is Managing Director, Mid Day Multimedia,

Mumbai

Yes,Uniform Civil Code may require muslims to give away their religious rulings and idendity,but what else can do done in a nation where Personal Law Board members are not ready make any reform even after 60+ years.. (oh,I forgot to give them due credit.They are smart enough to reform Sharia so that men can divorce vis SMS,phone and email..Apart from these sexist reform,I haven’t heard of nay reform that would benefit women who are still at mercy of men )If muslims are bothered about giving away the freedom of religion,they better reform their gender-biased laws,or else may shut up and do as the state enacts Article 44 of Indian Constitution ( Article 44 provides that the State shall endeavor to secure for all citizens a uniform civil code throughout the territory of India.)

Conclusive thoughts on ‘provocative dressing’ ..

I just want to thank you all for your participation on this thread.. I have learned a lot,and every comment counts..I just want to highlight two comments ,that made lot of sense and struck the right chord in me..Alankrita and 1conoclast(he wrote this as a comment on IHM’s post)..Thanks again..

 

Alankrita said :

Nimmy, this is just to reply to your “do our part”. What is “our part”. What dress is provocative? Ankles? Knees? Short sleeves, short sleeved blouses- and how much cleavage? Is a Sari conservative? With the back and the shoulders bare? Is a salwar kameez good enough- and if so how should the chunni be draped? Over the head? Hair- Short? Long? Makeup- now that can be a turn on… so what is “non-provocative”? It is so difficult to define. And therefore just as abuse-worthy- if the “she was immodestly dressed, she provoked me” defense is to be taken seriously. Because what is “accepted” by some may not be by others.q

  And we are not even looking at things from the other point of view. Why is it that we never take into account how the way men may dress may be as “provocative”. You know, with 50% of the population men, that should be an issue too. So why isn’t it common to hear of women having heir baser instincts aroused by some man and assaulting him. Maybe, it is not so common because of the assumed privilege that men enjoy- women learn to “control” themselves. Men, well, it is always the woman’s fault.
I can understand why this conversation can be a reality- but when you really pare it down to the bare bones, you realize how inherently sexist the view is. Just replace “men and women” by different races or religions and “provocative dressing” by something else, maybe the right to walk down a certain street. It will immediately begin to seem very offensive. Living in a sexist society, we do not realize how completely sexist and “slut-shaming” assertions about “proper dress” or”decent behavior” are.

Indeed, this is a conversation I have heard several times. And quite often felt too that Miss B makes sense, but on deeper examination her attitude reflects just how completely she has been engulfed by a world view which inherently makes a woman inferior. Being careful is a good thing. But it boomerangs in that it breeds a degree of helplessness and lets the perpetrators go unpunished. It lets a lassitude creep into society, a tolerance for law breaking and it demonizes the other sex too. “Men are animals” is easy to say, but that is as bad a stereotype as “women are weak”. Be careful is excellent advice, but haven’t we heard it always? Careful in terms of what to wear, how to behave, whom to mingle with- and does it really help. As far as I know it serves to let crimes of harassment be trivialized, rape justified as “she asked for it” and a reckless lawlessness take over.
We cannot change everyone in society.We cannot make everyone view things our way. We cannot make people view the sexes as being equal. What we can do, however, is to call out on inherent misogyny when we observe it. We can also think deeply about issues we come across, even he very “compelling arguments”. And above all we can and should not keep curtailing our own freedoms just because perverts live in our society.

 

1conoclast said:

I said I’m on blogging hiatus & I intend to be, but I just had to correct the misconceptions that Ms. B has (& a few that the author has).

1. Idealism is what moves society ahead. Inventions, Discoveries, Art, Science, Laws, Civilization, everything comes from being idealistic. It’s called evolving.
Realism is an excuse for stangnation, for extinction. No planes would’ve existed if men hadn’t wanted to fly. So much for the realists!

2. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance yes. Yes we should be able to walk around nude & leave our doors unlocked & our wallets lying around in the house. And we do.
In olden times, no one locked their doors. Did we have a problem? I’ve heard some towns/villages/colonies still do that!
In my house, I leave my wallet lying around. By God’s grace, the maid doesn’t steal anything. I’m trying to illustrate that just like stealing happens, the opposite also happens. So having faith & encouraging trust are equally important.
Nudism isn’t a problem. Go to Goa. Lounge on the beaches. Take in the nude breasts. There’s no stopping you. Just don’t rape. I was in Goa & I took in the sights smilingly. I didn’t rape anyone. I didn’t even feel like raping anyone. I didn’t want to touch or pass a comment. I may have wanted to compliment a few of them, but that’s not the same thing as pawing.

3. Take it from a man. Men like looking at women. Period. A figure hugging churidar-kurta is as ogle-able as a bikini.

4. Women who wear shorts/skirts outside the house definitely wear them inside the house.

5. Zulm sehna bhi gunaah hai. Opting to take care of yourself, like IHM suggested, could be carrying pepper spray, car keys, learning karate etc. Not hiding behind ghunghats & burqhas!

6. You think modesty avoids problems? Where do most of the rapes happen? In naked urban India or in fully clothed rural India?
Was Phoolan Devi wearing a little black number when she was raped? Was Banwari Devi?
What was the 17 year old college girl that was raped by constable sunil more on Marine Drive wearing???
Boss… Living in fear will not solve the problem. Locking up the goons will solve half the problem. Giving them an education will help solve the problem. Making society more open & sex more acceptable (& accessible) will solve the problem.

7. IHM… The ultra-feminist in you misread the poor man. He was not going to pass a comment at the doctor’s offending blouse. He wanted to ask her to cover up, but was scared because of sexual harassment laws that are biased towards women. Maybe they should be that way, but that doesn’t take away the fact that they’re currently biased.

This desire to keep men well behaved is not very different from the male desire to keep women well behaved.

I take offence at your claim that it’s the fear of punishment that keeps men well behaved. If that were true sunil more wouldn’t have raped the young college kid! He was a lawkeeper. He knew the law!!! Your logic is flawed. The problem is deeper than that.

I don’t have statistics on this, but is the %age of rape lower in more sexually permissive societies? That could possibly be one part of the answer… one part only.

And if it is, doesn’t that again mean, that it’s the liberal, idealistic thought that solutions lie with, instead of conservative regressive thought?

 

I understand why I was wrong..Good day to all…

Why are women enemies to each other?

Australia‘s prime minister joined Muslim leaders on Thursday in condemning a cleric’s comments that husbands are entitled to smack disobedient wives and force them to have sex. “Amazing, how can a person rape his wife?” Hamza said, adding that wives must immediately respond to their husbands’ sexual demands. [more]

 

Islamonline.net is a pretty authentic source from where one can learn about Islam.They have a decent take on various matters-political or religious-around the world.I am shocked to read a statement from a FEMALE Islamic scholar..In regard to a question on marital rape,she says :

 

Of course if the husband insists on sleeping with his wife by force, it would not be considered rape since this is a right granted to him, but it is also not in accordance with Islamic teachings . Such an act contradicts the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the ethics of intercourse. Gentleness and kindness are among the manners of intimate relations in Islam…

 

The complete article can be read here,  so that one may verify if I have taken anything out of context..Yes,she says that ‘it is not right’..I am wondering what on earth stopped her from saying that IT IS WRONG..

 

I have seen people(this includes both men and WOMEN) boasting that men have uncontrollable sexual desires and hence women must be ready-money setup 24/7.Many women have argued with me that men have ultra sexual desires that one single woman alone cannot satisfy them..What the heck..Forget them,they are brainwashed and seasoned ,but sadly to a higher degree that nothing on earth can change their attitude,but is the same expected from a learned person who is addressed as a scholar..

 

Coming back to the point,there are many rulings floating around stating that it is the RIGHT of husband to have intimacy with his wife,no matter even if she disagree.Marital rape is an alien concept to me,but reading the above statement by Zeinab Mostafa made me look into it.I was wondering how can a husband rape his own wife!Marital rape is not to be confused with boring physical intimacy.

Question: What is marital rape?

Answer: Marital rape is any unwanted sexual acts by a spouse or ex-spouse, committed without consent and/or against a person’s will, obtained by force, or threat of force, intimidation, or when a person is unable to consent.

These sexual acts include intercourse, anal or oral sex, forced sexual behavior with other individuals, and other sexual activities that are considered by the victim as degrading, humiliating, painful, and unwanted.

It is also referred to as spousal rape and wife rape.

Forget the definitions,I am just feeling bad about this lady ,that ,who as a scholar should have bothered to stand by fair and just side.IHM has a great post here-some gems from Manusmrthy..Bible too has some gems..and again,Hadiths,not Quran,too have many great gems like one telling that angels will curse you if your husband goes angry to bed and one which says that you have to provide for husband,even if you are on camel top..   How disgusting and how sad that one is afraid to talk about justice and fairness..Now I understand why IHM is angry over Nirmala Venktesh…Yes,her’s and my posts are about two different contexts,but the bottomline is “Women are women’s enemies..”

 p.s:

 

Marital Rape: A Non- Issue In India

 

India: Violence Against Women on the Rise

 

 

Dear Readers,what do you think of veil/pardha/hijab?

These days,I am not feeling so well..Also,a cooking bug has infected me and i want to cook something new every now and then.So,I am wandering on the internet like a hippe (err,does that comparison make any sense **scratches head**) I am really sorry to all my dear readers who have commented but I am yet to reply..I have learned lot from you all and I am thankful too you for spending time to read my rants 🙂

 

 Today,I would like you all to speak about ‘What do you think of hijab/Pardha/veil of muslim women?’..This is a plain question and you are free to say what you have it in your mind..The first and last rule here is to be honest  🙂 There is no such thing as ‘Am I right,Am I wrong,What will she think,Am I being prejudiced,Am I judging somebody’ etc etc etc..I ask,because I want to know more and share more..I thought of making this post as a poll or like type,but then again,it would make it difficult for those of you who would like to talk more on this subject..It would be great if you had made a post on this,but even otherwise,it would still be great if you comment here 🙂

 

 Finally,do make sure to answer one single question ‘ What do you think of those women who don’t wear veil’..Do you think of them as less religious,or rebellious,or stupids??

While you write,have a piece of my healthy Pizza (there isn’t any mozarella cheese and the dough is of wheat flour)  and Cappichino muffins

 

cheeseless-pizza

 

cappichino-muffins

 

Good day to all..

 

p.s:

 

Those who copy my pictures will burn in hell 😉

Proposed Kerala Muslim Marriage bill-A great step towards a noble cause

In a progressive and bold step towards the reform of Muslim Personal Law, the Kerala Law Reforms Commission has drafted a bill which will curb and check the practices of polygamy and divorce through Talaq among Muslims in the state.

 

 

Essentially neither is it a bill with radical stand nor is it revolutionary in terms of its features. In fact almost all of its features are there in the Shariah law. For instance it doesn’t ban polygamy nor does it ban the concept of talaq among Muslims. The only thing that it does that it tries to regulate the indiscreet marriages and divorces in the community.

 

 

One has to understand that the legal issues related to Muslim personal laws like that of divorce, marriage, inheritance are usually dealt with by the respective Shariah bodies. There is no mechanism in Shariah framework (as it is being practically implemented in India) where the people who violate the Shariah laws are held accountable to their misdeeds and punitive measures are applied to them.So if a person remarries or misuses the provision of talaq he can and in most of the cases, he does easily get away with this because there is no effective mechanism in the existing Shariah based Muslim Personal Law Board which could ensure that he is punished as per the existing punitive measures available in the Shariah.

 

 

The Indian Constitution doesn’t provide the organizations like Muslim Personal Law Board (who claim to have the exclusive rights of representation of personal law related issues of Indian Muslims) legal legitimacy. So this Bill seeks to address the implementation of the punitive aspect in the cases of all the discreet remarriage and divorces

 

 

The draft Bill titled “The Kerala Muslim Marriage and Dissolution by Talaq (Regulation) Bill” seeks to legislate that ‘monogamy shall be the rule’ and that ‘marrying again during the lifetime of husband or wife is an offence.’ However, the proposed Bill provides for remarriage by husband in exceptional cases “with the (wife’s) consent in writing before a notary public or a judicial officer expressing her consent to the second marriage and briefly giving her reasons for the consent.”

 

 

The Law Reforms Commission’s proposed law aims to “declare that, among the Muslims in Kerala, monogamy is the general rule and polygamy a just exception, permissible only in socially exceptional circumstances and that also subject to compassionate conditions, and to provide further that divorce by talaq can be effected only subject to special conditions.” It wants that “if any married Muslim, man or woman, marries again during the subsistence of the first marriage, the party who violates shall be guilty of bigamy under the Indian Penal Code and punishable as such.”

 

 

The proposed law makes it mandatory that all Muslim marriages and divorces be registered with the local registrar of marriages. The most important provision in the proposed law is the constitution of a ‘conciliation council,’ to be set up in each district, to regulate Muslim remarriages and divorces. The council, to be set up by the State government, will have a retired district judge or magistrate from the Muslim community as its head.

 

 

The man, permitted to take a second wife, “shall be liable to provide reasonable accommodation and privacy as well as just alimony or maintenance sufficient for the wife to sustain herself in reasonable comfort.”The proposed law also says that marriage of Muslim shall be contract. It also says that “the female spouse shall be entitled to divorce only through court or with the approval of the conciliation council on grounds of irretrievable breakdown irreparable by conciliation

 

 

It has sought a variety of responses from the Muslim community be it the common masses or its intellectual class. Moreover it has created a debate in the community to ponder over the effects of polygamy and talaq on the community.

 

 

The bill has sought positive responses almost from all the women’s activists across the religious, political and ideological divides. They have been pitching for the bill and mobilizing forces to pressurize the government to legislate the bill.

 

 

According to Febeena Seethi, the president of Kerala Women’s Front, polygamy is a double edged sword in the sense that it can be useful but it can also be a way to exploit women. Usually it becomes a way of exploitation of women where their lives are made miserable because of it. “There should be a women and a religious scholar in the conciliation councils.” She explained that the representation of women and a religious scholar is very important. The religious scholar will help in avoiding any kind of controversy and the woman member will .

 

 

A big section of all the people who support the Bill feel that it is high time that reform must happen in the Muslim Shariah law or Muslim Personal Law. So their support of the bill can be seen as motivated by an effort to bring about some kind of balance between the Shariah laws and changed circumstances of the modern times. Likewise Dr. Feebina also expressed an urgent need for the reforms in the Muslim Personal Laws.Finally she pointed out that it has been experienced that legislations alone have never been sufficient to control some practice or any person. For instance – dowry. Since the first legislation on Dowry many more laws have been made but only to increase the number of dowry cases.

 

 

The misuse of Talaq and polygamy can only be stopped with a change in the attitude of men and for this we need a war like campaigning against the both practices by every medium and every suitable platform. Dr. Seethi also pointed out that almost every woman’s organization has supported the bill.As far as most of the Muslim organizations are concerned they favor the bill in some cases with few suggestions and concerns to be addressed and included in the bill. So to a large extent there is no opposition to the Bill, in fact he went on to the extent of saying people have hardly opposed the bill on religious grounds at least. The reason is that today most of the progressive organizations want the reform in the Shariah Laws.

 

There hasn’t been any strong opposition to the bill as such except by few orthodox Muslim organizations like Samastha Kerala Jamiatul Ulama and Kerala Jamiatul Ulama. Both these organizations are completely rejecting the Bill. They have termed it as interference in the Shariah Laws by the secular Indian law.But their opposition also is complicated by the fact that their office bearers and some leaders have supported the Bill individually. In their religious lectures these people have accepted the problems created by the polygamy and expressed the need for the law to check those problems as pointed out by Mr. M Ebrahim of the Madhyamam daily.

 

 

As far as the coverage of this issue by the mainstream media in Kerala is concerned, Mr. Shareef refers to a very dangerous precedent; which is to sensationalize and controversialize every issue related to Muslims even if the issue is very simple.

 

So in spite of the fact there hasn’t been a strong opposition to the Bill by the Muslims in the state except few orthodox organization, instead of highlighting the moderate voices media is trying to pick up the few voices of opposition to the Bill and portray the whole community as backward and non-progressive.

 

 

People in the Sunni Cultural Centre pointed out that the main reason for the opposition by A.P. Aboobaker Musliar (yeah,the same old guy whom we discussed here) is the fact that for them the bill seems to be an attempt to encroach and “interfere” in the area which otherwise has been the exclusive domain of the Muslim religious bodies like All India Muslim Personal Law Board.They accept that there should be reforms in the Shariah laws but that reform should be initiated from within the Shariah law and by people in who are expert in the Shariah laws: because they want the reforms to be essentially within the framework of Islamic Shariah.

 

 

A very interesting answer to the argument of the Shariah bodies lies in the fact that in several Muslim countries triple talaq has been banned or restricted.

 

 

And what the Muslim women’s rights and progressive sections of the community like Dr. Feebina Seethi say is that the Muslim bodies on the Shariah laws have been hearing the calls for reforms since a very long time but they haven’t yet come up with any kinds of plan and strategy for the reforms in the Shariah laws which is actually one of the most important demands of the modern times.So when there is no hope of reform from within the clergy fraternity then the bill represents a saner and sensible attempt to bring about that reform.

 

Resources:

http://www.twocircles.net/

http://www.outlookindia.com/pti_news.asp?id=630467

 

 

 

P.S

 

I didn’t write this article..I just gathered information from different sources,from links provided.All I intend is to spread the word..Thanks for reading and Good day to o all..

 

Feminism Tag..but Am I a feminist?

Cris has passed me the Feminism tag..No particular rules,just to write on my views on the topic..Well,this is a complicated topic and I hope my rant will do some justice on its own..Do share your views..

 

 

Feminism had always been a hot ‘n’ hate word.. I have seen people around me mock at some women “Ah, she is a feminist ”..So basically, I was seasoned to think that being a feminist is a bad choice and that being a feminist means to hate men. Lately, after having granted the badge of being an ‘adult’, I notice that whenever I make some affirmative statements about controversial subjects on women, people say “Oh,so you are a feminist! ” So now ,I have learned that being a feminist means to care for women, and I have come out of my delusion that being a feminist is not a bad choice, but that, it is a responsibility of every single women..

 

 

Feminism in itself is a broad topic, which includes various movements, theories and philosophies.. My small brain can’t process lot of theories at the present moment, so I’ll restrict myself to the small world I see around me..

 

To me, life is not about equality, but about Justice and Fairness.. I don’t think and I don’t want to become like a man..By wearing a jeans or by cutting my hair short, won’t make me ‘equal’.. What I want is justice and fairness in opportunities. I find it odd sometimes that we women want equality of pay,but still we want 3 years maternity leave..I am still to find a woman who can move the same number of bricks as a man in a definite period of time.. Men and women are different from each other and instead of outdoing each other, I think we should compliment each other..

 

 

 

Let me see what are those things that I care for and will it make me a feminist..

 

 

It is a strange fact that in India, we worship women as Goddess, but at the same time, treat them as slaves, with mere property value..The moment a baby is conceived in the womb, it is tagged a value. A baby boy  is tagged more worthy that  a baby girl. So,we have enough and more reasons to kill it inside the womb itself so that the baby doesn’t suffer once she arrives in this world..How easy solution!! More than men,I feel women are their own enemies..It is the mother, the mother in law and gang who hates to have a girl as their grand child. .Everybody wants a boy..Oh well, I have already ranted about it and the evil feminist in me prays that all those people would cry loud in their life once when their holy son don’t get a bride to marry,as to preserve their holy tradition.. I still haven’t got any logical solutions as how to dumb off the excess 3.5 crore surplus men in India..

 

 

If talking against this female infanticide is feminism, yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

What sense does it make of me to rant on female infanticide,when the basic system of marriage itself is a messed up one..We are so obsessed with the idea of marrying a whole family, instead of marrying a guy we love..Urban societies count only to a small percentage ,and among the majority ,love marriage is still a taboo and shame..There is nothing wrong in arranged marriages, provided both parties, hell not the both families, but the guy and gal, are happy about it. .But what is the absolute percentage difference between forced and arranged marriages.. Few days back,my cousin brother put off his engagement.. Marriage proposal from a known girl’s family had been forwarded through relatives and he was pressurized by his family to agree upon the relationship.. True, nobody forced him verbally ,but the mental pressure was there..They got engaged and since then, he was all gloomy.Finally, last day he told his parents that he wants to give up the relationship as he can’t find any wavelength similarities between him and the girl..The girl was aboslutley a good one..Just that characters don’t macth,for him being an introvert and her,a social one..At the end of the day, though it was mess and shame to beak an engagement,I find it good as it would have been a disaster if they got married.. Breaking an engagement is more better than a divorce.. But remember that, in this case,the rejecting party was the boy..I wonder how much the same is feasible from a girl’s side.. Few days later ,everybody is glad that the boy made his choice..But if it was a girl,I am sure she was to be labeled a outcast,anti-cultural bla bla bla girl..Do you have a doubt? Why is it that girl’s choice/opinion is less worthy than a man’s freedom of choice?

 

 

If talking against this oppression of freedom of choice for girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

Not to speak of those girls who are seen as doomed ones and a shame for parents ,simply because they haven’t got married before 25 years ..No matter how much one sugarifies it,a married off girl is seen as a burden moving away..Some parents coat sugar on it saying burden of ‘responsibility’.. uh..I wonder why can’t people expect women to remain unmarried, if they choose to. Agreed that a woman is made to be  a mother, but what is an individual doesn’t like it.. Why is it that simply for the sake of society ,one is made to let go her freedom of choice.A divorcee is labeled a woman who is not good enough to ‘adjust’ and move on with life.. An unmarried women is stereotyped as a women with love-faliure or with uterus disorders..Gosh..Many among us need to get a life seriously..

 

 

If talking against this stereotyping of unmarried or divorced women is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

Having agreed upon marriage , may it be arranged, or love or forced, then comes the next tag, DOWRY..It is the mother in laws who are mostly greedy about dowry..I wonder why are they so obsessed about it..I have not seen any MIL using dowry for her sake,but still she wants lot of dowry for her son..Maybe , she wants to feel proud and gossip among family circle, for having paid so much for her valuable holy son..I have heard MIL’s saying “We don’t want money..But what will we say when relatives ask on how much money and gold daughter in law brought home..So if you don’t want your daughter to feel belittled, give as much as possible during marriage itself.”..Hell,don’t tell me this happened in stone ages, no it happened a month ago..I wonder why men are still not ashamed to take money from a stranger girl’s father’s pocket as to build a life for their own..I feel bad and odd for those parents who feel that without dowry,their daughter is a piece of crap. I have heard men saying “There is no problem in taking dowry, afterall,we look after your daughter for a lifeitime”.. Uh,is that a privilege???? Women cook,do laundry,do housekeeping, give you physical pleasure, give you babies, take care of your babies and your parents ,does everything without grumbling ,but with happiness and you are pricing her for all these works? If you ,(not all but some men) are so bothered about the money you spent on your wife, just take it as a salary for all the work she does..I wonder why life is all about money to some people..I need my husband,he needs me..We compliment each other..It is when we take each other for granted,that we find the other ,a burden..So,my humble request to those men who say that wife is a burden,please don’t get married..Nobody is forcing you..Indian women have enough men to choose from..Please don’t marry them for the sake of dowry and burn them later..Let them  live a life..

 

 

If talking against this burden-isation of girls is feminism, yes I am a feminist..

 

 

I was reading about literacy rates among women .According to 2001 census,female literacy rate in India is 54.16%..Much lower than male literacy rate.Many reasons are accounted for the low rate of education among females..

 

  • Gender based inequality.
  • Social discrimination and economic exploitation.
  • Occupation of girl child in domestic chores.
  • Low enrolment of girls in schools.
  • Low retention rate and high dropout rate

 

 

If talking against this discrimination to these girls alone is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

Even if a girl is educated and is employed,in practical sense, I have seen very less financial freedom,if that is what is indented by empowerment through employment. I have personally seen women give the whole of their salary to husband and in rare cases,mother in law..I have no clue why they do so..i don’t mean that women needn’t spent on family.Of course they should share,and here again earning members compliment each other..But in case where husband thinks that wife’s money is his right and can be spent in whatever way he wishes to,I think that unfair and injustice to the woman involves..Not to talk of those men who think that even if the  wife is working,it is her sole duty to manage house and kids and that entering the kitchen is a shame or attack on manhood..

 

 

If talking against this restriction in financial freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

In the arena of politics,I understand that except in Parliament, women have 3% reservation in seats..But what is the rate of women who exercise this right EFFICENTLY and EFFECTIVELY? I have seen many Panchayat members, females acting as dummies for their huband. He is puling strings and she is just acting like a puppet. So, what is the whole intention of political empowerment all about?

 

 

If talking against this mockery of political freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

 

Religiously and spiritually speaking, I wonder why God is more obsessed with men, though it is women who prays more and does rituals for His sake. Women can’t enter some temples and many mosques.. They can’t perform rituals..Arabs and other muslims don’t believe me when I say that women are not allowed to pray in mosques in majority places in India..They never heard of such a thing..Its just some holy men here who want to keep women out of as much places as possible..Let people decide themselves whether they want to enter the temple or masjid..Why do we want to act moral policie even within the premises of God’s house..

 

 

If talking against this moral policing of religious freedom is feminism,yes I am a feminist..

 

 

Gosh,this is such a long post..I hope atleast a few people will read it in complete.. What we need is freedom from ourselves and the first step is to be financially independent and then from cultural restrictions..Culture in itself is beautiful,it makes life worthwhile and personalized ..But some stone age aspects as like ‘womanhood is in housekeeping and child bearing” and that ‘working woman is not a complete women as she pays less attention to family and house’ ,’boy is more holier than girl’ etc etc etc are simply stereotypes and its high time we get rid of all those things..

 

 

 

These are my thoughts on feminism..With this post,I will be taking a break from the world of blogging..Life is taking a turn and we are not very sure of which road we are heading upon..I hope everything ends up well soon and do include me in your prayers..I thank all of you for your kind and generous support and encouragement..I have learned lot and I have met some great people through my e-life..I don’t know how have you perceived my thoughts,but I never meant to be communal or biased..My apologies for all those hurtful words I said.I wish you all happiness and success in life..Good day..Peace.

How important is it for you,to remain faithful in your marriage?

In a progressive step with far-reaching implications, the state cabinet on Wednesday gave its green signal to amend Section 125 of Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC) which seeks to protect the pecuniary interests of the ‘other woman’. However, it would need the Centre’s stamp of approval to become a law.

 

According to the amendment proposed by Maharashtra, the definition of the word ‘wife’ under Section 125 needs to be changed to include a woman who was living with a man like his wife for a reasonably long period. This amendment would cover the interests of women involved in polygamous or live-in relationships, say officials. The only catch is that the state has not specified the term ‘reasonably long period’ that a woman needs to stay with a man to be called his wife.

I was wondering whether to laugh or to feel bad about this.I am not trying to overlook the  fact that the law may benefit some ‘other-woman’,’other-man’ or whatever you call it..But on a broader sense,does it sending a message that “It is ok to cheat your spouse”..bcoz afterall it is supported by law and there is nothing technically wrong in having an extra marital affair..Is this what the head of an organized society ought to look upto?

 

We are busy making progressive steps so that we too are named “developed country”..I am not trying to make a mess out of a small thing.I just realize i am an oldie conservative person,because almost all comments in the related article appluad the progressive step..I pray I remain an oldie all my life,because I cannot see my man cheating me..If spouses are bored of each other,why don’t they simply walk out and have a progressive life seperately.Why try to make the web more entanlged?Are you telling me that people compromise for the sake of kids..uh..I don’t agree.Kids today are tomorrow’s adults and they can see things for themselves unless they are deaf dumb and blind..Ployagmy,bigamy other-gamy whatever the hell it is,please stop it and I guess unlike the government who wants to be progressive,we must set standards and not end up in a society where high school going girls are ‘proudly’ pregnant and moms finds condoms on their 13 yr old kids school bags..

 

 

Yet another progressive step…

“Union Home Minister Shivraj Patil should be more progressive,” Health Minister A Ramadoss said on Tuesday, while referring to his Cabinet colleague’s stand against legalizing homosexuality.“I will ask for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s intervention once he returns to India,” Ramadoss said. “World over, people are accepting homosexuality. The home minister should be a lot more sensitive. How can we control physiological feelings of people,” he added.

 

 

 

By being progressive regarding gay rights,I guess they refer to lesbian rights too..Afterll,why should women alone remain unprogressive..and in all,let us have a progressive society where father-son,father-grandson,father-son in law and mother-daughter ,mother-grand daughter etc etc etc have progressive relationships ..

 

 

Aaah..Sorry for overreacting and spoiling your time for having read my rant..I am just feeling bad about it..

 

 

P.S:

Newspapers have lot of tips on how to deal with extramarital affairs and there is no more good way they can help their stressed readers..Initially I thought of linking to them as to point out their bad message..Then I stopped myself as I don’t want to inspire any reader 🙄