Posts Tagged ‘ women ’

..Of girls’s education and marrying off them early….

My college reopened today. One of my friends randomly made a comment “Why don’t you sit at home and look after your husband and kid”.. Err…

Then I remembered this person I mentioned in my below post…Now I  have a feeling that theer not just few,but many people out there who strongly belive that girls needn’t study and that their life is meant for 2-3 purposes alone..**sigh**

A post very close to my heart…

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This post is purely fictional and bears no resemblence with any characters dead or alive..

Last day,somebody told me so and so…

A: Girls should be married off by the age of 18-19..

Me:Err,isn’t that too early ..

A:Early? not at all..Bcoz by 20+,they will start making their own choices and will have own opinions

Me :So?

A: So? So ,parents should marry off girls before they start having firm opinions and start making decisions for themselves

Me :But isn’t it their life? Moroever,when we marry off them too early,how can they complete their eductaion?How can they have their career?

A: Ha,what is the need for girls to have so much education.The role of women in a society to make a good family and bring up kids in a good way .

Me :Of course that too is important,but it amazes me that a 21st century human being is saying that girls needn’t have much education..

A:All this ‘men-women equality and stuff is bullshit. Women cannot be equal to men.

Me:I never said that they are equal..Both are different on their own ways,but that doens’t mean that they weigh different in the balance of nature

A:Let me tell you an eg. Last day,there was an accident nearby,when a lady bumped into a sccooter-wala and he died..The lady was admitted to mental hospital for weeks..Have you ever heard of a man being mentally unstable just because he met with an accident?you women are silly and emotionally weak ,and let me remind you,they are physically weak since ages..

Me :You are generalizing,thatz not fair..

A:Ok,let me tell you something.What if I sent my daughter to study medicine.Obviously,by the time she passes out,she will be 24 yrs and so,and she will not accept proposals from any men on a lower grade than doctors themselves.

Me :whatz wrong in that? Its fine that a Doctor is looking out for a Doctor..

A:Its ok with her,but not for me,as I have find Crores of money for her dowry.

Me :Look out for boys who don’t ask dowry.

A:Such people exist only in theory.In pracitise,all people ask for dowry,and when it comes to higher grade boys ,as like Doctors,they ask for loads of gold and money..So tell me,should I let my daughter become a doctor and finally spoil my life in the name of her dowry,or should i marry off her to an average man,at the age mentioned earlier,when she is not so firm in her choices and opinions..On another note,there is no need for lady doctors..

Me: **faints** What??”No need for lady doctors”..

A::Yes,tell me what is the problem if there are male doctors alone? Afterall women are weak enough not to enter areas like surgery and such complicated stuff..Tell me how many efficent female surgeons and anesthesists have you seen or heard?

Me: Well,are you saying that there needn’t be female gynecologists too?A:Thats the only area where women can empathize with fellow patients..But even in that field,there isn’t a compulsory need. Labour and Cecarian will be fine in men’s hands too

Me : **girns** not knowing what to say..

A: coming back to the topic,i still stand by what i said,” Girls needn’t study much and should be married off early”..

Me :Err,this is complicated..But it is wrong that you dump her into somebody’s head even when she is immature to undertstand right and wrong in life..Moreover,if she is educated,if some problee happens in marriage life,she can stand in her own,instead of running back and crying in front of parents.

A:You are wrong.In real time,it is the educated girls who come back to families,while the other end girls move on with their life,rather than shouting for divorce and such.

Me :So,in the end,it is your happiness and not your daughter’s happiness that matters.. Ok fine,marry off your girl at 18,so that she will always be unable to resist the injustice that may happen and let her be a door mat..**sigh**

A::You are wrong,good girls will find happiness where they go..You women don’t know the world outside and hence you are making theoritical stmnts

Me : “How will we know the world and gain experience if you guys don’t let us? ”

A :”Oh,you alone is going to change the world”..

Me: ” Not really,but if i do my part, atleast my daughter will benefit from it”…

A : “Oh,so you want your daughter to become a feminist kinda girl and ruin her life” …

Me : I am glad I met you ..goodbye..

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Moral of the story : Don’t argue with people who have pre-conceived notions..You will end up being labelled arrogant and outspoken…

p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they?

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What women do not want..

Blogadda is running a contest on “What women want?”..I am not really sure of what women want.To each its own..But when I read the below piece of news,I am pretty much sure of ‘What women do not want?”
Female condom with ‘teeth’
by Kate Townshend
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Here’s a really interesting story from CNN about the release of a new ‘spiked female condom’ designed to protect women against rape and punish the would be perpetrators. South African doctor Sonnet Ehlers is distributing 30,000 of the new devices around South African cities where world cup matches are taking place, under supervision as part of a trial period.
The condom is inserted like a tampon, and should  penetration  take place, rows of tiny, jagged teeth like hooks attach onto the man’s penis. Although these do not break the skin, it then becomes impossible for him to remove without medical help, and any attempts to do so only make the device grip on more tightly.
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Unsurprisingly the device is causing massive amounts of controversy. Critics argue that since women have to wear it any time they think they may be in danger, it exaggerates the likelihood of rape and keeps women in a state of constant fear. Equally, there are potential risks in terms of what else a thwarted and angry rapist may try to do.
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I think its easy for us in the West to dismiss such a device as medieval and barbaric, but South Africa has one of the highest rape rates in the world, coupled with one of the lowest conviction rates. This article suggests that women are already taking extreme measures to put off would be assailants, including inserting razor blades into their private parts. Whether this is the answer or not (and I’m dubious personally) clearly something needs to be done to protect women in the country.
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What was that? 😳 😕
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Before we jump into conclusions,read below..
By 2006 the official figure for rape was over 55 000 ,
unofficially, based on the premise put forward by the National Institute of Crime Rehabilitation that only one in twenty rapes are reported, the figure is over 494,000 a year. This means that on average approximately one thousand three hundred women can be expected to be raped a day in South Africa. A study by Interpol, the international police agency, has revealed that South Africa leads the world in rapes. A woman was raped in South Africa every 17 seconds. This did not include the number of child rape victims. It was estimated that one in every two women would be raped. Between 28 and 30 percent of adolescents reported that their first sexual encounter was forced. Of South African men who knew somebody who had been raped, 16 percent believed that the rape survivor had enjoyed the experience and had asked for it. According to a recent study police estimated that only one in 36 rape cases was reported and of those only 15percent culminated in a conviction.[……….]
But…Is that how we deal with assulats against women? Are all women in this planet expected to wear this,in fear of being raped at any point of time? Many or most of us would love to live in denial that “Hey,this can’t happen to me”. But are we to spent our life in constant fear and ‘ready to attack mode’ 24/7? I don’t know..This news sickens me..Agreed that manyof the victims probably would wish they had had a device like this at the time of their rape, and any man who has been through this, even if not convicted of rape, would think twice before raping another victim .But still..doesn’t it take away the responsibility from men,to women?And it seems to me that it may induce a higher level of violence on the part of the attacker.  Psychological trauma24/7…Baaah… 😳
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The only welcoming strip of news is what the Doctor herself said
“Yes, my device may be medieval, but it’s for a medieval deed that has been around for decades,” she told CNN. “I believe something’s got to be done … and this will make some men rethink before they assault a woman.“[…]
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There are a lot of things that make this not work, but it is welcoming that people are addressing the problem, looking for a solution, and thinking out of the box.This may help to sent away the message that women are not always helpless.Women are indeed in sad state of affairs…Razors inside private parts..Teeth arms inside private parts..  **sigh**


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Though not about ‘What women want’,I nominate my post to
Contest by:
Blogadda and Pringoo
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(CNN) — South African Dr. Sonnet Ehlers was on call one night four decades ago when a devastated rape victim walked in. Her eyes were lifeless; she was like a breathing corpse.
“She looked at me and said, ‘If only I had teeth down there,'” recalled Ehlers, who was a 20-year-old medical researcher at the time. “I promised her I’d do something to help people like her one day.”
Forty years later, Rape-aXe was born.
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Ehlers is distributing the female condoms in the various South African cities where the World Cup soccer games are taking place.
The woman inserts the latex condom like a tampon. Jagged rows of teeth-like hooks line its inside and attach on a man’s penis during penetration, Ehlers said.
Once it lodges, only a doctor can remove it — a procedure Ehlers hopes will be done with authorities on standby to make an arrest.
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“It hurts, he cannot pee and walk when it’s on,” she said. “If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter… however, it doesn’t break the skin, and there’s no danger of fluid exposure.”
Ehlers said she sold her house and car to launch the project, and she planned to distribute 30,000 free devices under supervision during the World Cup period.
“I consulted engineers, gynecologists and psychologists to help in the design and make sure it was safe,” she said.After the trial period, they’ll be available for about $2 a piece. She hopes the women will report back to her.
“The ideal situation would be for a woman to wear this when she’s going out on some kind of blind date … or to an area she’s not comfortable with,” she said.
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The mother of two daughters said she visited prisons and talked to convicted rapists to find out whether such a device would have made them rethink their actions.Some said it would have, Ehlers said.
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Critics say the female condom is not a long-term solution and makes women vulnerable to more violence from men trapped by the device.
It hurts, he cannot pee and walk when it’s on. If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter.
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It’s also a form of “enslavement,” said Victoria Kajja, a fellow for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the east African country of Uganda. “The fears surrounding the victim, the act of wearing the condom in anticipation of being assaulted all represent enslavement that no woman should be subjected to.”
Kajja said the device constantly reminds women of their vulnerability.
“It not only presents the victim with a false sense of security, but psychological trauma,” she added. “It also does not help with the psychological problems that manifest after assaults.”
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However, its one advantage is it allows justice to be served, she said.
Various rights organizations that work in South Africa declined to comment, including Human Rights Watch and Care International.
South Africa has one of the highest rape rates in the world, Human Rights Watch says on its website. A 2009 report by the nation’s Medical Research Council found that 28 percent of men surveyed had raped a woman or girl, with one in 20 saying they had raped in the past year, according to Human Rights Watch..
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In most African countries, rape convictions are not common. Affected women don’t get immediate access to medical care, and DNA tests to provide evidence are unaffordable.
Women and girls who experience these violations are denied justice, factors that contribute to the normalization of rape and violence in South African society,” Human Rights Watch says.
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Women take drastic measures to prevent rape in South Africa, Ehlers said, with some wearing extra tight biker shorts and others inserting razor blades wrapped in sponges in their private parts.
Critics have accused her of developing a medieval device to fight rape.
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“Yes, my device may be a medieval, but it’s for a medieval deed that has been around for decades,” she said. “I believe something’s got to be done … and this will make some men rethink before they assault a woman.”

Poll results..

Sexual Harassment in workplace-Is ‘provocative dressing’ a causative factor?

Posted by Nimmy on March 25, 2010

Is the way one dress, a causative factor for sexual harassment?

Yes 47% (15 votes)

No 19% (6 votes)

At times 34% (11 votes)

Total Votes: 32


Females need to realize that they are putting themselves at a higher risk for violence when they dress in a sexually oriented manner

Yes 70% (21 votes)

No 10% (3 votes)

Don’t know 10% (3 votes)

No comments 10% (3 votes)

Total Votes: 29

Thanks to all those who shared their opinion.I am glad to confirm that people speak something different in virtual world,than they do it in real life.

Sexual Harassment in workplace-Is ‘provocative dressing’ a causative factor?

Before you start tearing me apart,read the post till the end 🙂

My HRM professor ,in his study material provided to us,says :

It was in 1997 in Vishaka Vs. State of Rajasthan and others, that for the first time sexual harassment had been explicitly- legally defined as an unwelcome sexual gesture or behaviour whether directly or indirectly as

  • 1. Sexually coloured remarks
  • 2. Physical contact and advances
  • 3. Showing pornography
  • 4. A demand or request for sexual favours
  • 5. Any other unwelcome physical, verbal/non-verbal conduct being sexual in nature.

He says that “Body hugging and body revealing dresses” is one of the cause for sexual harassment in workplace.

He list the remedies for SHIW(Sexual Harassment in workplace)

  • Dress appropriately : Avoid skirts,see-through blouses,tight jeans and open shirt
  • Watch what you say -Don’t speak and joke as you (men) always had,while women are in the group
  • Watch your body language:Women should not toss their hair,stare straight into a man’s eyes ,glance sideways and then demurely dropping eyes,rub arms,smile ,touch a man and repeatedly cross ad uncross legs in front of men,because these will send a wrong signal to men about you.
  • Learn the message that females in the workplace are co-workers first,women second and never a sex-partner in the workplace
  • Ask a potential harasser,” how much you love your spouse?”
  • Display photos of your spouse and kids to the potential harasser
  • Know the risk of romance-can wreck the marriage and the career
  • Treat others the way you would like them to treat you.
  • Protect the secrecy of the identity of the victim
  • Restrict/prevent  circulation on obsence literatures,films ,photos etc…

The professor is a good person, a qualified teacher with more than one Phd’s and is working as a teacher since 20+years..While lecturing and during other sessions,I have always noticed that he speaks in favour of women and women empowerment and always urge us to make HR policies in favour of women employees,wherever we get employed in future..

That said,I initially wondered why he said that dressing is a factor of SHIW.And the third points makes me wonder and embarrassed wondering to how many have I already sent ‘that’ message. I initiated a discussion among students,my friends,who are enough and more academically qualified fellows.ALL of them,mainly women, shared the opinion that provocative dressing is a factor for SHIW. I wondered why I get the opposite view when the same discussion is conducted in blogworld.Why is it that real-world and virtual-world contradict each other?Who is pretending ? Is it the real-world-ers who pretend who agree with the normal norm of thinking ,even if they think otherwise,or is it the virtual-world-ers who hide their real mind and lie,in order to get along with the majority group,who think the progressive way? The difference is so huge,that in real-time discussion nobody disagrees that dress is a provocative factor,whereas,in e-world nobody agrees so. Its not just once,but again and again,that I have a feeling that one of the group is pretending or having closed-eyes to a real-life situation..So,there goes a poll,an anonymous poll. Go ahead and cast your choice.I am not bothered about ‘Who” but is bothered about “What”..Please cooperate.. Not a big deal of a question,but I would like to know how contradictory different group of people are..

p.s: Poll questions are not random-borne,but assimilated from some research studies,of which the detalis will be provided later(in case anybody is interested) 🙂

Good day to all.

Related reading :

Why/why not should women dress modestly/provocatively?

Invading the exposed privacy..

What did I say now?

Last evening,way back from my college,while in local bus,I saw a lady,a working lady , entering the bus and standing in a horizontal position,such that,some of her body parts,to be precise,her side view,was being watched over by looooot of men sitting and standing behind. some of them were laughing,some of the were staring and some of them grinning. I felt bad and ashamed.Why? I don’t know..Afterall,she is a fellow women.But there was nothing that I could do. Can I tell her ” Hello madam,please keep your body parts covered,people are raping you with their eyes”. I didn’t say that,because I had no wish to get a slap.

Today evening,incidentally,the very same bus,the very same time,the very same lady,the very same stop and very same saree and yes,very same side view,and finally,the very same looks when I turned back. I wanted to say something,but to whom? To the lady,to stand ‘properly’ ?Or to those men,to eyes their eyes closed? What if one of them took a photo and posted it in one of those infinite masala sites out there? Who is responsible? The lady ,for not taking care? Or the man, who just took a snap of what was publicly displayed in front of him?

I asked these questions to a dear and near one of mine.He/she said,” Obviously,the lady is not responsible”

Me :How? she was unaware.She just stood her own way.

He/she :Fine,it is her freedom of expression and the guy sitting in the back is exercising his freedom of expression.Do you have a problem with that?

Me : 🙄

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Edited to add :Somebody tells me that this post is dumb and silly and is borne out of my boredom and lack of ability to post something good. I don’t think so.This is as issue I deal with,every day,every other moment.. I see guys looking at women’s here and there,while in class,while on road,while in bus,everywhere..So,how is this a dumb matter,well,it is not so atleast for me.

..Of girls’s education and marrying off them early….

This post is purely fictional and bears no resemblence with any characters dead or alive..

 

Last day,somebody told me so and so…

 

A: Girls should be married off by the age of 18-19..

Me:Err,isn’t that too early ..

A:Early? not at all..Bcoz by 20+,they will start making their own choices and will have own opinions

Me :So?

A: So? So ,parents should marry off girls before they start having firm opinions and start making decisions for themselves

Me :But isn’t it their life? Moroever,when we marry off them too early,how can they complete their eductaion?How can they have their career?

A: Ha,what is the need for girls to have so much education.The role of women in a society to make a good family and bring up kids in a good way .

Me :Of course that too is important,but it amazes me that a 21st century human being is saying that girls needn’t have much education..

A:All this ‘men-women equality and stuff is bullshit. Women cannot be equal to men.

Me:I never said that they are equal..Both are different on their own ways,but that doens’t mean that they weigh different in the balance of nature

A:Let me tell you an eg. Last day,there was an accident nearby,when a lady bumped into a sccooter-wala and he died..The lady was admitted to mental hospital for weeks..Have you ever heard of a man being mentally unstable just because he met with an accident?you women are silly and emotionally weak ,and let me remind you,they are physically weak since ages..

Me :You are generalizing,thatz not fair..

A:Ok,let me tell you something.What if I sent my daughter to study medicine.Obviously,by the time she passes out,she will be 24 yrs and so,and she will not accept proposals from any men on a lower grade than doctors themselves.

Me :whatz wrong in that? Its fine that a Doctor is looking out for a Doctor..

A:Its ok with her,but not for me,as I have find Crores of money for her dowry.

Me :Look out for boys who don’t ask dowry.

A:Such people exist only in theory.In pracitise,all people ask for dowry,and when it comes to higher grade boys ,as like Doctors,they ask for loads of gold and money..So tell me,should I let my daughter become a doctor and finally spoil my life in the name of her dowry,or should i marry off her to an average man,at the age mentioned earlier,when she is not so firm in her choices and opinions..On another note,there is no need for lady doctors..

Me: **faints** What??”No need for lady doctors”..

A::Yes,tell me what is the problem if there are male doctors alone? Afterall women are weak enough not to enter areas like surgery and such complicated stuff..Tell me how many efficent female surgeons and anesthesists have you seen or heard?

Me: Well,are you saying that there needn’t be female gynecologists too?A:Thats the only area where women can empathize with fellow patients..But even in that field,there isn’t a compulsory need. Labour and Cecarian will be fine in men’s hands too

Me : **girns** not knowing what to say..

A: coming back to the topic,i still stand by what i said,” Girls needn’t study much and should be married off early”..

Me :Err,this is complicated..But it is wrong that you dump her into somebody’s head even when she is immature to undertstand right and wrong in life..Moreover,if she is educated,if some problee happens in marriage life,she can stand in her own,instead of running back and crying in front of parents.

A:You are wrong.In real time,it is the educated girls who come back to families,while the other end girls move on with their life,rather than shouting for divorce and such.

Me :So,in the end,it is your happiness and not your daughter’s happiness that matters.. Ok fine,marry off your girl at 18,so that she will always be unable to resist the injustice that may happen and let her be a door mat..**sigh**

A::You are wrong,good girls will find happiness where they go..

Me : I am glad I met you ..goodbye..

 

Moral of the story :Don’t argue with people who have pre-conceived notions..You will end up being labelled arrogant and outspoken…

p.s “Please do not criticize the person and say anything bad about her/him,as I don’t intend to hurt the person..But her/his thoughts are surely worth discussion,aren’t they?

Yeah,again a post on women’s attire

Blogosphere is reloaded with posts on “women’s dresses and individual liberty”..IHM has a great post here,Alankrita has a great one here,read Amrutha’s thoughts here..I have had infinite posts on this very same topic, but [please don’t throw stones at me] ,am I yet to make up my mind on this ?. My thought is simple “ If men can’t control themselves.why not I myself take care,as it is my life and my safety”..Ok,ok,I know that even purdah cladded women aren’t free from all this.But still,when in a group,is it not wise to dress as to go along with it rather than trying to stand out.Yes,everybody has individual choices and people may like to draw attention,and yes,I know that even then,”She asked for it” doesn’t hold true. That said,given that we know that there are perverts around us,why should we take the risk of drawing attention?

Yes,I know that modestly is relative and that wearing purdah won’t make you safe. But thatz not my point.When is a beach, a sari or lehanga will attract most eyes,whereas a swimsuit or bikini worn women may go unnoticed (depending on the level of decency of people around) Likewise,when in an office, a sari-nari will go unnoticed whereas a sleeveless-top lady will make many men smile. Ok,now you are asking me “Why should I sacrifice my comfort for the sake of others modesty/immodesty benchmark?” True,but why do we want to attract unwanted attention? Now you are going to tell me “What if all women wore sari/purdah/salwar? ” Oh well,perverts are going to find some reason no matter what,but atleast we  tried our part..Now don’t blame me that I am champion of “Blame the victim philosophy”.No,I am not,but I personally would take care to dress ‘along with the group’ and would advise the same to my baby girl so that very few eyes would fall on me…

I don’t know how true is it that men are turned on visually (I always wonder why men claim this as something to be proud of ..duh..) .There is no logic included in all this stuff..What describes a man’s attitude of raping a baby or a 70 yr old grandma..What is there in them that turns them on?But still they do it.As said many times earlier,rape and other molestations is not about sex,about about control and desire,desire to own,atleast for a moment. So I would like to live in a way that would make least (nil except my partner preffered) people would look out for me.So,does that me that I am going to live shut in a dark room? No,I want a life,but I am afraid of those men and women out there in the light,them who are sickos.. Can I claim my individual liberty,dress,walk and talk they way I want to and move around?.But can I do about and stop those sickos.. ? What do I do then?Until and unless we have a more secure social attitude towards women,I am not going to talk against such acts  like that in Kanpur ,especially because it deals with yound girls who are yet to perceive the truth of evil world…And all this doesn’t mean that I look down at those bold women who have it in them to choose their way of living,and be happy about it.But I will be put down by my dear’s pointing fingers that “You asked for it”..So I am not for all this liberal and individualistic way of life….

It’s a bad bad world out there  😦

p.s: My bad that I googled “Why should women dress modestly?”..I am more confused/irritated now….

Why to dress modestly for lasting relationshp and marriage